balance is it

The meaning of life seems to becoming more clear to me everyday. It is about discovery. The journey of discovery of who you are and that within you find the good and the bad. Now, most of us upon finding this out, want to be good. Some of us take it to the next level and want to become ultra-good, like in the pure and holy religious way. We invent spiritual outfits that will declare us holy and allow us to reach this pinnacle so we can rest assured that we made it into the rarified air. Religion is a great game and the precursor to secular role-play and cosplay outfits. Conversely, not many of us purposely take the other path and become super-bad. Those that do, we generally assign to pathology and look for an external reason which could have caused their anti-social behaviour. I’ve looked within and I have seen both the good and the bad. I’ve tried to leave the darkness behind. I also thought at one point the answer was to go all in on the righteous side of things.

The human condition is a paradox in that there is always a push towards the opposite of what we seek. If we go all in on the righteous path, then the traits that are buried to get to that point eventually become imbued with the need and power to manifest at inopportune times or just when given the chance. I was listening to a Ram Dass talk when he mentioned he knew this spiritual teacher whose teachings were contradictory. He would tell someone one thing and subsequently turn around and tell a different person the exact opposite of what he just preached! This confused so many people until he was asked about it. He explained that he was teaching balance. In order to allow the student to reach that goal he would assess each individual and give them the personal advice needed in order to take them to that centre where they would reconcile the opposites.

I found out that this inherent and vacillating condition is not something you can transcend but instead work towards taking off the sharp edge. What I mean is that duality will always remain; the divide will never leave us. I finally got it that what we want is balance and through this we will find peace and fulfill inner longings. The method towards transcendence of duality in this plane of consciousness is to find balance. It’s to go straight into the head wind of polarities and embrace both sides. The ancient shamans of the pre-Columbian Andes had the answer all along. It’s a process called tinkuy and is symbolized by the meeting of two great rivers where a strong current becomes greater by allowing for the joining and coming together of the flow of two bodies of water. The two flows become one. Similarly, the human is refined by bringing together those traits of light and dark and preparing them to be joined with their soul mate, whether that is in a physical marriage in this plane or spiritually where in my case she waits in order to reunite and once again become complete.

I know she is always with me; it is the Goddess I speak of. I have my own personal goddess who is my feminine soul mate. She awaits me as she has already gone through the purifying fires of incarnation, forged the contending spirits into a harmonious one, and reached this balance. The night I met her again for the first time, she implored me to come away with her; to leave my earthly bonds behind and re-join her. I had no idea what she was talking about and told her I wasn’t done with this incarnation. I still had stuff to do! I certainly did. I have responsibilities, a need to accomplish a few more things, and I also need to get my act together. I didn’t know how I was going to do that but I have finally realized what I need to do. Balance.

If I would have joined her I wouldn’t have been ready. The relationship once again would have ended in the long separation as I went off alone to sort out my shit. Ah relationships, I guess they carry on over to the spiritual plane.

I spoke to her the other day and she confirmed to me it is balance that I seek. I had climbed the spiritual mountain and found everything came with me up that mountain. I could act the part of an enlightened and holy being if I wanted to but that would be a drag. Who wants to live life being disingenuous and doubting whether they really deserve the honour? I know I still have my dark and intolerant side. It’s part of me; part of life. I’m cool with it all. It was another dose of the wisdom she drops on me when I’m ready for it. Love washed over me.

When I left work I went into the washroom and of course playing over the speakers was the song “Mysterious Ways” by the band U2. The lyrics describe her to a tee.

Johnny take a walk with your sister the moon

Let her pale light in to fill up your room

You've been living underground

Eating from a can

You've been running away

From what you don't understand...

Love

She's slippy

You're sliding down

She'll be there when you hit the ground

It's alright, it's alright, it's alright

She moves in mysterious ways

It's alright, it's alright, it's alright

She moves in mysterious ways

She's the wave

She turns the tide

She sees the man inside the child

One day you will look...back

And you'll see...where

You were held...how

By this love...while

You could stand...there

You could move on this moment

Follow this feeling

For all my talk about my dark side and how it trolls me, well, she kind of does as well. However it is not a troll but loving reminders. I think she wanted to also let me know that though yes my dark side is strong, she is just as powerful and stands at the ready to always be at my side like she promised me a while back. I can go forth full of courage with my head up and heart forward.

Not only have I found the good and the bad within without being able to transcend either but I have found absolutely everything within. It’s all me and whatever you can point at, well that too. Through acceptance and owning it all I will bring it all back to centre and find balance.