big blue internment camp

I am fascinated by the rhythms within my body. After a fifty-year struggle, I've accepted it. I look at the cycles of night and day, the darkness and the light, the waxing and waning of the moon, and see within my own self similar processes. I was ashamed of my darkness, of my perversity and desires, of my weaknesses - to wit the desires of the flesh! I still sense the coming hurricane and hope the damage done is not too bad.

The use of magic mushrooms was enlightening regarding my darkness and how I pushed him away. The result of my journeys resulted in finally accepting the darkness is me. It's quite liberating with the caveat you have to own it. All the suffering in the world is from your hands. This leads to the question, "Why did I do it?" The answer will surprise you and is a grand monument of wonder upon the path of ultimate truth. Similarly, if you meditate on why there is evil in the world, the answer may shock you.

The darkness teaches duality. Without darkness, there is no light. Without pain, there can be no pleasure. Every time I want my fill of sensual pleasures, I create pain. It's baked into this world I conjured. Reality stares me in the face until no matter what path I travel in life, I will see it. I took the spiritual path in middle-age and wanted to identify with the light but eventually the reckoning was destined to come. I couldn't escape it. I look back at my plant medicine experiences and I see my denial and the pushing away of the darkness. I saw how I used the darkness to become a warrior - a jaguar of the highest order to prove to myself I had the spiritual bona fides to do this whole spiritual trip. And then I saw the Maestro of all Maestros and knew transformation comes through the dragon of the darkness.

We all must feed the dragon to keep the world spinning and the carnival going. I see it in my own insular world where the darkness extracts his pound of flesh in exchange for fulfillment of carnal desires. I easily project this out into the world at large. In my corner of the world, we have had peace for quite a while after the tumult of the early 20th century. World wars begat a period of peace; however, the blowing of the winds of change will enable the darkness of man to return. I sense the bad times coming. It's already started, and I know it has to be this way. I baked it into my world. Suffering is what is needed to shepherd us towards the path of the heart. I know it's the way even though the pain, suffering, and death will be enormous, and I want no part of it.

It's a game from which there is no escape. I can run from my desires in this plane of consciousness, but they are like the shadow. They are always with you no matter how far you go in an attempt to escape them. Try it out for yourself - become a renunciate and try to run out the clock. I did that for two and a half years. When I returned to the amusement park, my tormentors were waiting to greet me and pick up where we left off. Acceptance of what just is liberates you from the hamster wheel of internal suffering. The devastating flip side of having no desire is depression and a steep decline towards the bottom, resulting in suicide as the hopelessness of your predicament sinks in.

Earth is the penal colony of the universe. The Australia of the cosmos. It's unique. The big joke is being in hell and not realizing it. Then taking it a step further and wanting to extend your prison sentence. This waypoint on the soul's journey called earth is transitory. Instead of prison clothes on this big blue internment camp, you are given a body. The way off the spaceship of the damned is a return to love and the heart.