nutcracker

Do I want recognition? I peer deep down into my motivation for making public my thoughts. When I first started writing in this blog space, I had low expectations. The process was a way to coalesce the swirling thoughts and ideas in my head. I felt a release from the mind dump. Along the way, I discovered that the process allows for the distillation of knowledge into understanding. The curious thing about the writing process is the flow which allows words to just magically come forth and then within the corpus of what you commit to alphabetical form comes understanding. This gift of understanding through the writing process has happened so often that it is a given if I want to understand some idea more succinctly, all I have to do is write about it.

So, my motivation for this space is to attain a level of understanding of all the knowledge I have crammed into my brain. The discovery of plant medicines super-charged the acquisition of knowledge. I would list as the number one personal benefit from the use of plant teacher medicines is the acquisition of knowledge. A great deal of the knowledge is metaphorical and the process most beneficial to my own personal journey is the integration of what has been revealed to me. Without proper integration, the plant medicine experience is not fully unlocked and may lead to much unprocessed knowledge that will become contradictory over time.

The integration period is long and challenging work in order to crack the nut of understanding. The writing process is the nutcracker. It is for this reason that I would still write even if I were all alone in the void. The process would give me the understanding for which I was searching. I'm the luckiest man in the world. I know that all the reasons I came here to earth for are in my hands, ready to be cracked. I've shelled most of my questions and fulfilled my desires. The last road I walk is the path of the heart. Everything I've sorted through has led me to this one last proverbial mountain to climb. I've been shown the bliss of living head up and heart forward and know it is my duty to integrate the lessons into my daily life. I separated from my eternal bride in order to become a better man; not to return until I became that man.

The process of my understanding of what I have been taught is profound. I acquired knowledge through my mind; the mind being an indispensable tool on my journey. However, my understanding did not come through my thought processes. Understanding is a succession of aha moments as the knowledge marinates and combines with the rest of the knowledge ingredients. Eventually, something incendiary, a chance happening, or a catalyst will up level the knowledge into understanding. In my case, it is the writing process which is the master key.

So, back to the beginning and the question of fame and fortune. I've had success with other arts such as photography and was encouraged to monetize that skill. I didn't want to because I like photography! Monetizing pleasure for fortune invites discord. Art is best left alone. The best artists are poor. Hey, we all need to make a living and I'm no different. I have wondered what if my blog went viral? What if I became a best-selling spiritual guru ala a Tolle or a Ram Dass? I'd become cynical and would gravitate away from the reason I ventured out on this path. Fame and fortune are at odds with the path of the heart unless one becomes devoted to using the gain for service. My answer to remaining unknown is I'm stubborn and selfish. I'm doing this process of transformation in order to prove to the Goddess I can do it. She has told me to come home, and I don't have to do anything. It doesn't matter. However, I made a promise and set up a mysterious system of pain and suffering which would lead me back to the heart. This is the greatest gift I can offer to the Mother of all.