crave

When I say freedom, what am I referring to? There is an external freedom found in extricating one from the demands of culture and attachments that throughout a lifetime you have wound yourself up tightly in. You have created an identity and you must fulfill that role lest you become an outcast and viewed as a failure to live up to the bargain you made with society and those around you who are playing the same game. Accepting identity is a path towards being blackmailed by culture into remaining in the system. The device used is connection as being social animals we want to find commonality with other humans. To leave this game all at once is painful for all stakeholders. I don’t know what is better? Do you rip the band-aid off in one fell swoop or a little bit at a time? It’s going to hurt either way. I’m doing the little bit at a time gambit, and it seems it’s a highly personal decision that depends on how much you’ve embedded yourself into the mess. I don’t think I’ll ever go 100% into letting go of my identity. It’s a must to enable freedom of movement in 21st century earth. I can see how to use it to your advantage but not take it seriously. There are also friends and family relationships that will remain with you no matter what path you choose. External freedom means no expectations. Desires will continue to tug at you and tempt you to become once again attached. Having a great deal of money will enable much freedom at the cost of being attached to your money. Giving up all wealth will allow for total freedom at the cost of suffering. This is quite the problem to figure out!

The other freedom is internal freedom which once again is affected by the expectations of culture. By internal freedom I mean stop being a puppet controlled by that all seeing eye of culture that controls your behaviour. Our early years are spent balancing the urge for experimentation to fulfill our desires while living within the bounds of cultural expectations. The human life trajectory, as I see it, is to fulfill your desires in the first half of your life and then discard later in life all the accrued attachments because of the chase. In addition, you will be free of the need to quench your thirst for these desires as you’ve tasted them and therefore get on with the project of the discovery of self.

We are desire and because of this we chase adventure and novelty and then sink into the experience, sometimes letting go of complete control while other times maintaining a modicum of sanity in order to not lose ourselves. Ever seen someone you know fall in love? It’s irrational and their actions are pathological therefore we say they are crazy in love. Sometimes, this leads to making decisions that will curtail your freedom and you do it willingly because that’s what you are supposed to do in this culture. Standing back from the madness and observing is instructive. We start out free and then we chase what we desire. We get it and lose our freedom because we become attached to the behaviour. Not being able to extricate ourselves from the predicament leads to suffering. Because we are desire, we are attracted to this incarnation so we can chase carnal desires. The incarnation causes suffering because we don’t get what we want and need. A successful go round on the wheel isn’t baked into the cards. You chase what lights you up and it’s a gamble. Oh, to taste the sweet nectar of fulfillment of desires! It's so intoxicating. A bad roll of the dice and I’m living in a shit hole, scrounging for food, and trying to get out of my predicament.

To understand why we chase fulfillment of desire is to look no further than music. In observing how a song’s hook addicts its listener, it can be understood that first it's not rational so trying to understand the pathology of addiction seems futile. The satisfying hit of a sequence of sounds is pleasurable and releases a reward. It’s novelty and what we crave. It’s nonsensical. Therein lies the rub as soon the newness wears off and we become indifferent to the tune and move on in search of the next hit. It’s a fascinating look into what makes us tick. If we viewed relationships in this regard we would have a healthier society. There is a dichotomy at present in that two people come together through desire which as we know is going to wane. They tie themselves up contractually and introduce offspring into the equation to further complicate matters that can be reduced to the analogy of the song. We addict to others and then want to exit the situation and search out a new relationship to get that hit of pleasure it brings. It is generally frowned upon but it’s the truth of what we seek. That being said there are those who do desire a family and view relationships as a means to this end. Most don’t realize what they are getting into and the consequences of their actions. Overcome with desire, we give up freedom in order to fulfill our wants. Eventually we wake up, the desire is long gone, and we are left holding the proverbial bag.

We bury the master teacher because he knows the way out of internal and external enslavement. We are desire and don’t want to hear about anything that goes against it. We are in a prison that we helped build and we like it that way. We ignore the whispering in your ear to be free. The secret to the game is chase novelty, enjoy the playing and savour the fruit, and then let it go. Freedom allows you to move on to the next game. Without freedom there is no more playtime. The knock at the door comes asking you to come out and play. Sorry I can’t; I have expectations of the role to perform. The great liberator had to leave in order to establish roots of a civilization and culture. It’s no good having a bunch of people running around with no stability and nothing grounding them to role to play within society. How can it move forward without these restrictions? Civilization as we know it owes a big part of its success to the banishment of that voice inside us urging us to be free and step beyond the pale of culture that keeps you in chains.

Many are content to live within the structure of society and transfer their desire onto the acquisition of material wealth for the most part. After a while, it rings hollow and we turn to drugs and alcohol to numb the emptiness. The spiritual path is taken up by some at this point, and they seek fulfillment in this regard. We sink into this experience and become holy. The optimal time for this game is post middle age so it can take you into your old age and death therefore you don’t start questioning it and become disillusioned. It’s too late at that point. What good is freedom when you're decrepit?

The shadow is the liberator. The freedom we buried is in this darkness. My path to take is the rediscovery of what is hidden deep within. Maybe it will kill me or cause great pain but that’s not what I intuit. Instead, I can taste freedom as time slips through my fingers. Clarity has certainly arrived. I know what is ahead. Freedom is my desire.