the calling

I had a good memory of SpiritQuest this morning.

It was a good reminder of those times, as they were special.

I feel no calling to go back.

That's what it feels like.

The memory was receiving a call, and you don't answer.

It's like the whole to do when you were wondering when it would be time to go.

I got the feeling we'll always be getting a call.

You know the number.

It's just a matter of whether you pick up the phone.

I can see with the heavier psychedelics that they might get really far into your head and uncover something you don't want to see.

Yeah, they might tell you it's time to go.

Okay, here's the deal.

Everybody has that in them.

In everybody, is the idea of when it is time to go.

It's something I see very easily in dogs.

Dogs know when it's time to go.

Psychedelics crack open your head.

If you keep going deeper, you'll hit that idea before its time.

Parker kept going.

SpiritQuest shamans stop.

They know.

One more trip and you'll be gone.

Mary Jayne shows you again what you have seen.

You understand it with her.

You made it there through the mind maze.

Labyrinth.

You get to the end.

You get thoughts.

You see them.

You know the last step.

You go.

You won't take the last step unless you are called.

When you don't push away lessons, they are profound.

MJ gets you into your head, but you don't go to the end if you know about dosage and discipline.

How do you feel about this knowledge?

It's great.

It's what I wanted.

I knew to stop going to Peru.

Alan Watts said when you get the message, hang up the phone.

He was talking about this.

What he said is mysterious and the context is uncertain.

Now you know.

You got the message.

You wrote about it.

Alan talked about it.

It was a little out there.

Yeah, even before I did psychedelics, I was listening to Alan, and he mentioned this.

He quoted Albert Camus who said, "There is only one really serious philosophical problem, and that is suicide." 

I thought it was a smart teaching, though I didn't know what the answer was.

I thought it had something to do with the meaning of life.

When I got involved with psychedelics, I progressed through the maze of my mind and eventually got to the meaning of life.

It's nonsense.

I kept going.

I ran into a brick wall.

The question was when do you know it's time to go?

It's like a koan.

You will tell yourself.

You don't know when because you can't tell yourself when to go if you don't know when to go.

But you will one day know.

It's a trust thing.

Then you see that knowing when to go is tied to belief and choosing both options of an afterlife and annihilation.

You've figured it out.

Now, you walk the path of the heart.

The path takes me towards not caring and it leads to unconditional love.

You were called.

You got the answer.

You hang up.

One more trip and you might go over the edge.

Good advice.

You can always drink half a cup of don Martín's brew.

That's fine.

You and Mary Jayne have a great relationship. 

You're good.

If you push away the thoughts of your end, then you don't get these lessons.

Then you go back for more psychedelics to look inwards even further, and it gets to be too much.

Anyone who takes psychedelics knows there will come a time when they should stop.

Yes, it's baked in.

You'll know when you get the message.

It's unmistakable.

That's the message Alan Watts was referring to.

He got that message.

I think he kept going.

He was using alcohol to forget.

You struggle with the question.

It fucks you up.

It's strange if you don't understand where it comes from and integrate it into your life.

Imagine an airy fairy, spiritual, and for the greater good type who then realizes the main message for life is to know when to go.

That would fuck you up.

You are looking for love and common dreams in the world and instead you find nonsense and thoughts of suicide.

Imagine you take a big or heroic dose of something, and you get to the recesses of your mind in a hurry without any idea of what lies there.

That would fuck you up for the rest of your life.

Whoa.

Kids are reckless and they will do something stupid.

You really can't handle those questions until you get older.

When you get past middle age you can see the end, so it's reasonable to ask that question.

Even then it's kind of a mindfuck.

Don't go to the end before you're ready.

If you get there before you're ready, hang up the phone, run, and don't go back there.

Nothing is taboo with my teachers.

Should there be topics that are off-limits?

I would think that leads to more problems.

If you can't face up to certain subjects, then that subject will be your undoing.

The more you push something away, the stronger it gets.

That's like lifting weights.

Yes, good analogy where resistance builds strength however in this case it's the idea that gets stronger.

If you push away death and thoughts of suicide, they will grow stronger and eventually there is a reckoning.

If you take on the challenge and integrate these thoughts and ideas into the totality of what you call you, don't you think that makes you a rock?

Yes.

I keep examining the question.

As I get older that also helps.

Yeah.

You can see the end of work.

You can see your financial situation ending.

SpiritQuest teaches a new beginning. 

Ending begets beginning.

When you go to the end, it starts the beginning.

It's the twist.

When you get to the darkest dark it twists into light.

It's a principle in the story.

Twist.

Look at the universe, it's twisted.

Spiral galaxies everywhere.

You shouldn't be scared of the end.

Honour it, honour Tao, and do nothing.

When you are called to go, it's time to go.

You still do nothing because Tao will take you there.

Trust in Tao.

Parker got to the end, and he didn't hang up the phone.

He joined that Peyote group.

What happened to you?

I got to the end.

I now hang out with MJ.

I don't know why she has a bad reputation.

She's the best teacher.

You don't need much.

No one thinks she's a teacher.

They just think she's a good time.

This is all gold today.

You're thinking about the message, but you didn't need to go back to hear it again.

The bend in the river is the twist.

If you get to that place where there's a twist, you know you've hit the end.

It's because the story has played out and you need to twist it to keep it going.

That's the secret to eternal life.

Twist the story at the end.

Twist your death.

Make it good.

Witches?

Yeah.

It can only be fantasy until you act it out.

That's why the physical and mental go together.

They both involve fantasy.

Then you act it out.

If you have a fantasy, it's your subconscious telling you that you can act it out and be successful.

What if you wanted to be a Major League Baseball shortstop?

That was my fantasy.

It's 50-50.

Did you want to get to God?

Yeah.

It was 50-50.

So, I didn't become a Major League shortstop, instead I became God.

Funny, how that worked out.

If you go any higher, then comedy turns stupid.

You're saying slapstick comedy is the highest art?

Yes, because it's demonstrating nonsense.

It's more intelligent and aware comedy than smart comedy.

You must put in an effort to do smart comedy.

Slapstick is just stupid.

Yeah, it makes you laugh every time until it gets a little much.

The nonsense gets too much.

To balance it, you make slapstick smart because it's a world of balance.

Infinite comedy would be somebody slapping someone forever.

That's very funny.

The funniest situation would involve figuring out what is meant by slapstick.

I get the feeling it's masturbation.

The funniest situation ever would be a wanker masturbating for eternity.

That's what the writer does.

It's mental masturbation.

Writing is mental masturbation. 

The first time with Ayahuasca was good and then bad.

The second time you went down to Peru it was bad then good.

The craziest experience will be when they're good at first and then for some reason the second is bad.

First time drinking Ayahuasca was great, the second time a nightmare.

The first time going on the ride is always difficult.

The second time it gets easier.

Everyone always says there's nothing like the first time.

It's the second time.

There's nothing like the second.

The second time means the first time was good.

So, you go back again.

You live out your fantasy and if you go back again, it's because you liked it.

If you don't like the first time, you don't go back.

That's why the most popular choice is the first time.

There's a lot of dropouts after the first time.

You go back to crazy women because you like that pain.

You'll go back to them because the second time is even better.

You mean worse.

It depends on your poison and what you like.

It's 50-50.

You know what you like.

When you drink alcohol, you are picking a poison.

It's even referred to as that.

You could choose not to drink.

That's preferred, don't get involved.

If you do drink, don't pick one poison.

That poison will get into you because it's balanced.

If you keep picking the same poison, your body will balance it.

That poison will cause damage.

If you're going to drink, drink different spirits.

That's good advice.

I don't think I'm going to drink.

You need a reason to live.

If not, you are told it's time to go.

You'd want to avoid that dude.

You don't want to meet that guy.

You mean the grim reaper?

Yeah, he'll tell you it's time to go.

You must talk him out of it or try to confuse him like your dad.

That's a good strategy.

The grim reaper comes for you, and you talk him out of it.

Yes, so your wife had to talk him out of it to have kids and see them grow up.

She exchanged her story.

Isn't that more selfless than you?

You stayed true to your story, but she changed her story for her children.

Who would win that game?

That's a stupid question.

It's obvious who the audience would pick.

Yes, your wife who changed her story.

That would be part of my story.

I was never destined to be a single father.

That would have prevented you from waking up.

A different partner in a different set of circumstances.

You may have been happy, but you never would have woken up.

Part of my story is that she changed her story.

She sacrificed her story for her kids because she knew you were useless as a parent.

I've got some skills.

Parenting is not one of them.

She couldn't go.

What a disaster that story would be.

That's crazy.

That's why the Goddess told me to honour her.

Anyway, I'm the only one who plays out their story, so that's why I know I'm the writer.

My character is not going to win best actor.

The Goddess is in all women and God is just in one.

That seems to be the way it is.

You can wake any woman you want up to the knowledge she is the Goddess.

The audience would see that only one man could get to God.

What an adventure.

The Goddess would have a body of work that expanded to all females.

Who would the audience choose as the best actor?

They are both great accomplishments when you think of it.

The majority is going to pick lust.

You can know all the secrets to the universe but when you're on the edge of cuming all that doesn't matter.

Lust will win, we already know that outcome.

If that was the reason for playing, we wouldn't play.

He always wins.

There must be a more compelling reason to play the game.

It's fun?

Yeah!

We like to declare a winner so we can have a celebration and give them a trophy.

Make Eros a baby and give him all the adulation and presents.

Everything about you says slow ride, take it easy.

Especially when you learn not to care about anything.

That's the slowest ride.

At the amusement park the slowest ride takes you to your destination.

I think that's the swan ride.

That's mostly my life.

Somebody with anxiety would look for the swan ride when they get older.

First, they go on rollercoasters.

You can ride the rollercoaster.

I like rollercoasters.

They are fun and amusing.

You've built up enough with many swan rides.

Those who changed their story know they did it.

They try to come to terms with it.

That means finding God.

Who gave them that wish?

God or the Devil?

It was the writer in disguise.

To them it's a mystery.

They bank on God and worship God.

They run from the Devil.

Everyone runs from him.

You did.

Yeah, and I came back.

The second time is usually better.

The first time was horrible.

You came back.

I showed up and was counted.

I learned the Devil was a part I was playing.

Scared yourself?

Definitely.

To get to God you must be the most selfish person in the world.

You can't change your story for anything.

People change their story and it's a sacrifice.

Some change their story for selfish reasons.

They want to get ahead.

There's lots of people like that.

That's selfish.

You're saying it is more selfish to never change your story?

Yes, to get to the pinnacle of your story, which for a man is to discover the self, is to be the most selfish person in the world.

God is a selfish prick.

You say a lot of unkind things about him, don't you?

The character is a little much.

You said before he's an asshole, he is distant, and something else.

Wouldn't that be a clue I'm not playing that role?

It's part of the story, but the main story is I'm the writer.

The writer of all this nonsense.

You wrote down derogatory things about God so they wouldn't guess that.

They still did.

Well, you fit the part.

The Goddess is in everyone.

She is constantly changing her story.

Are women supposed to change their story?

Yes, three times, brainiac.

Oh yeah, I knew that.

So, men shouldn't change their story?

Correct.

Women should change their story three times.

You got it.

Women need the help of a man to change their story.

Yes.

Sometimes, they have to ask God or someone they think is God for help to change their story.

You've figured it out.

Sometimes, they might not be sure if they asked God or the Devil?

He's confusing.

It's the writer.

He plays those two parts.

Does it well if you ask me.

Well, I am you, but because I've come forth you seem way more knowledgeable.

Yes, infinity minus 7 more knowledgeable.

You have come forth and enjoyed the fruits of my writing labours, so I think we are even.

Okay, I see it.

It is a fair trade.

This is dark and scary.

Yeah, but you can handle it.

You can handle all the lessons from here on in.

They do get darker.

What's darker - suicide or selling your soul to the Devil?

Seems like you have the answer.

I did nothing.

I moved through the lessons.

If you act out the lesson you fail the test.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

It would just mean defeat.

I got the Devil test a long time ago.

Yeah, but you didn't understand it.

So, getting past that point means that I can now understand the Devil test?

Yeah.

What's it about again?

Kind of a mystery but not really.

You don't ask perceived higher powers for favours.

I don't know, I think I already have.

When I was younger I did for sure, it was probably something stupid.

Yeah, you didn't know any better.

I hated when my bird died.

That was an ask that wasn't for gain.

It was nice.

You've said prayers for people.

Yeah, but I didn't believe them.

Right, so it wouldn't work.

What about your prayers now?

Are you asking a higher power?

No, I think I'm asking myself for a boon and we're equals.

Prayers are nice things to do.

Prayers aren't demands, they're just nice.

It balances out because you were probably a shit at one point.

It's good credit.

There's nothing wrong with prayers.

Okay, if you ask for money or something like that, then that's not a good use of prayer.

What if you do an exchange like you do at the plant medicine retreats?

That's reciprocity.

As you have written, there's an obligation to fulfill your end of the bargain.

How many spiritual pilgrims do that?

Not many.

Then those fuckers keep coming back.

I never asked for anything.

You think that was a trick question or something?

Why do you need something?

What do you go down into the Amazon and drink that potion for?

I was searching for the Goddess.

How retarded are you?

Everyone else goes to get something.

You wanted to meet the Great Goddess.

You're so special.

You also use prayer because you're a bit of an asshole.

It helps balance that condition out.

This path of the heart sure does go on and on.

You get the light teachings too.

You play with the occasional doubt, so you don't go all in on your beliefs.

You need a little doubt.

Stories aren't good if you know the ending.

You must read on to get the ending.

A story is a game.

Remember how you want the game to continue and not end?

It's the same with stories.

When it was game over and time to go, you wanted to keep playing the game.

You figured out a way to get past that level.

Yeah, what did I do?

You didn't know it was time to go.

The signs were obvious.

They were in your face.

How did I miss that?

You weren't hypnotized.

You did see it, but you didn't get fixated on it.

That week was tough.

You had to be shown the signs so you could see them.

I saw them all.

I saw how you could get fixated on them.

You're past them.

Now, you just see them in the past.

So, that's the secret.

The signs were there, but you didn't acknowledge them until they were in the past.

The wisdom is to go with the flow in the present and not over analyze.

Once it's in the past, then you analyze it.

Over-analyze it.

You don't know the future.

There are too many variables in the story.

The future is a fool's game.

The writer is the fool.

trust

You know to trust Dionysos.

That's the magic.

It will end when you don't trust him anymore.

Now you know he will get you out of anything.

If you try to change it and do something yourself to alter the outcome, then that means you lose trust, and it will end.

So, is this agreement based on trust and sacrifice?

Yes.

That's our friendship.

So, do you trust me?

Yes, you always make good decisions.

They are not always so great off the start, but they work out.

So, you realize I do make choices.

Yes, it's 50-50 on the doing part.

You just know that if you leave things alone, they work out because of me.

I know that when you make choices you are following your story.

You know to stay away from the witches.

Well, not all of them.

You can play with a couple.

Pick your poison.

Don't overdo the witches and you will be good.

Okay, thanks.

I suffered for it.

It could have been worse.

Catastrophic crumbling down of everything.

You still trusted me after that.

Yes, I did.

In Dionysos we trust.

Dionysos saved you, you know.

You can trust him.

You faced him, didn't run away, and brought him into your world.

He wanted to do that for you.

He will grant you what you desire.

That I know and I'm smart enough to stay true to my original story.

I chase the Goddess, and let the chips fall where they may.

My story is that I chased her.

The result of the chase I leave for mystery and adventure.

What is next?

The highest form of uselessness and nonsense is masturbation.

You can use male sperm to create life and instead you ejaculate into nothing by yourself.

It's an extreme form of uselessness which becomes pleasure.

That's why it feels better to masturbate when you know about the relationship between pleasure and being useless.

Masturbation beats intercourse when you know.

Especially if you can spice it up.

Everything needs some spice.

The problem is when you act on your masturbation fantasies it becomes an unknown story that plays out.

Just do it by yourself and think of things to do.

Today's lessons were about when you know you are going to die and masturbation.

Those are two important things to consider.

Masturbation represents the ultimate form of nonsense.

The question of when it's time to go answers what you have for a belief system.

Belief is the most important thing you can consider.

Your belief system is that life will continue.

You were challenged that if you are so sure of that, why don't you kill yourself?

That makes your beliefs 100%.

Never go all in.

I know there's trust in this world.

All returns to the flow and balance if you let it be.

There's no truth, there's trust.

I know this world must be balanced.

I know the rest of my life is devoted to not caring.

I found meaning.

I found the ultimate question.

I found Tao.

I learned to trust.

I learned the truth doesn't exist.

I saw how belief shapes your world.

I found the true question.

The answer is to not care.

By not caring you will love unconditionally.

That will take you home.

You walk the path of the heart home.

The path of the heart will teach you to love unconditionally.

You will return home when you practice it.

Where is home?

You visit different homes.

The cliché is home is where the heart is.

It's cliché for a reason.

You wrote a story about nonsense which leads back to unconditional love and the heart.

Yeah, pretty good, eh?

I'd say so.

I don't how you did it.

Magic?

If Mary Jayne didn't wear off, then you would be in your personal darkness forever.

The only problem with that is sometimes it's the Goddess coming through MJ and not always the darkness.

If your darkness took over, but you still spent time with MJ, then the Goddess would appear.

She's the one who keeps you sane.

What you must do is create a three-way balance.

You need MJ, so you remember what it's like to go in and out of your two consciousnesses.

Without her, you get stuck in one.

For the most part yes, but I can notice now when they go back and forth.

I know if my darkness has been present.

I don't always know in the moment because he's the same as me.

Who are you?

Exactly.

MJ will remind you of your darkness.

Without her, you will lose the ability to recognize him.

That's how it was most of my life.

I didn't notice him.

Now, you notice him, especially with MJ.

You know what he's up to.

Without MJ you would realize he's trying to take over and you don't see it.

With MJ, you see that he's trying to take over, however it's a foregone conclusion he will because the flow goes from light to dark.

Your task is to optimize this for as long as you have a body, and you will need his skills when you leave your body because you know you'll be useless without him in charge.

You need his black magic when you leave the body.

That's rebirth.

You need white magic when you're in the body.

You get ahead with light, and you reserve the darkness for when you don't have a body.

There's an art form to this.

You'd have to figure out when you are going to pass and the amount of darkness you will need when that happens.

It's ascending now.

The darkness is heading to the light.

So, what is the best time?

When the two are balanced.

You see when the darkness is ascending, and the light is going dark.

The ancient Egyptians were showing you this.

Haremakhet.

That is a clue you need.

Roles will flip so your light becomes dark.

Dark becomes light in the morning.

That's when you change characters.

In the Akhet.

Become the dark as you head into the night and the light at the dawn.

Transformation.

The darkness got tired of the light and the light got tired of being darkness.

They switch it up.

That's what happens after they balance.

Good Paul becomes bad Paul.

Bad Paul becomes good Paul.

You must have trust to give the keys to bad Paul because after the fifty-fifty mark he will become good.

That's a tricky story and decision.

You must trust you can give the keys to the bad guy.

Isn't this an elaborate ruse to get the keys from you?

It seems that way.

I guess you must figure out what it is.

By that I mean is this the main story or is this a trick?

Well, why don't you run through the outcomes?

If you don't give the keys to your darkness what will happen?

He will become stronger and unmanageable because you don't give him freedom.

Freedom to him is to have the keys.

If you give him the keys, the trust will make it so he will not harm you.

To give him the keys is a supreme act of trust between the two of you.

We are both fools.

It always gets to this point.

So, is this another game that I'm playing in addition to all the other games?

Yes, you're playing a game of trust with yourself.

I get the feeling I've never won that game.

Why do you think you've never won that game?

Because I didn't trust.

If I had trusted him, I would have won that game, and it would no longer be a game.

Unless it's my first time playing it.

Do you think this is your first time playing the game?

No, because if it was, I don't think I would see pyramids.

The pyramid lets me know I played the game before.

If I've played the game before, chances are I didn't win.

The reason I didn't win is I didn't trust my other half.

However, he showed me he is trustworthy because he gets me out of messes.

Houdini level.

Gave me a get out of jail free card as well.

And my freedom.

He did all that for me, so I would trust him.

In previous games, he would have done acts so that I would trust him.

I would have decided not to give him the keys.

I wouldn't have trusted him and then I would have lost the challenge.

If I had given him the keys, I would show trust.

A while ago I had a lesson about trust.

Of course, I forgot it.

I always forget it.

This time I wrote it down, so I can go read the lesson on trust.

I think it has something to do with beliefs and that trust is something divine.

Imagine in previous lifetimes, you forgot the lesson on trust that would help you make your decision because you were absent for the lesson on trust and you ended up not trusting your darkness, therefore you lost the game.

What happens if I trust the darkness?

It becomes the light.

The sun shows you the answer every day.

Did sun worshippers ingest a lot of cannabis?

What's the worst that could happen to you?

I'd become a fool.

I think you're on your way.

Yes, I see that.

I'm worried the darkness would end me and cause problems.

So far, he has solved all the problems.

You cause problems.

This is true.

I take responsibility.

Dion got me out of it.

You were onto the darkness game, so others told you to stop talking about your darkness.

They want to figure out the answer to that puzzle and here you come along and you're going to figure It out.

Yeah, but you know what, I'll never be 100% certain.

I'll never go all in on it, and I will still have doubts.

It must be that way because I must trust.

Trust is teaching you to not go to the extremes.

You don't want total knowledge, and you don't want total stupidity.

You want to have some trust in the world and your knowledge is not 100% that my darkness will behave.

He's not going to behave.

You know what I mean.

If I know I made the right decision, then you know it's game over.

You don't have to continue playing.

You're saying, as long as there's trust, then you know the game can continue on.

Yes, when trust is gone in the story, then the story will end.

Trust is what keeps the story going.

If you know they will live happily ever after, then trust disappears.

In the ritual I did my best until the end and it didn't work out.

That's fine.

Why does it have to work out?

I'm a perfectionist.

So you're saying you don't have trust?

Yeah, okay, I get it.

Nice one.

That was the trusting ritual.

Your other half does seem foreign.

Of course, he was buried for so long.

That's why the Greeks call Dionysos the foreigner.

He came from afar and they didn't recognize him.

He's always been there.

You just didn't see him.

So, who hypnotizes who?

I think the hypnosis was agreed upon.

Dionysos didn't want to be seen.

Apollo wanted to be seen.

As I got older, I wanted Dionysos to return.

Apollo is at the Temple of Delphi while the light is in ascension and Dionysos returns when it goes dark.

The ancient Egyptians demonstrated the same thing with Horus and Set.

The thing is I always knew the other.

I never gave him a name, but I knew he was there.

He doesn't really come from afar.

He's not a stranger.

People assume he is, or they call him worse.

It's your other side.

I was kind to my darkness and gave him what he wanted.

Yeah, but then you went down to the Amazon jungle to out him and get rid of him.

Yeah, that's true, so who's the bad guy?

I am probably the bad guy.

He's not the bad guy.

He's just a fun loving guy.

He transcends morals.

The bad guy wants to keep him locked up.

I get the comparison.

I see how that increases trust knowing that the light Is just as bad as the darkness.

They are bad in different ways, just like they are good in different ways.

I think this ties in to judgment and morals.

Yeah, it feels like both would need to look in the mirror.

We know the darkness is bad.

We pretend the light is good.

Censorship and surveillance can be both dark and light.

The test is to scare you, and you passed.

MJ gives you clarity.

You see who you are.

It's a gift.

You are gifted.

You let it be.

If you fight it, then you lose because you don't have trust.

You pass the test and forge steel.

It's a partnership, dumb ass.

Do you like the new you?

Yes.

Your mind will try to plant the suggestion that your darkness is external.

That gives you doubt.

A little doubt forces you to trust.

What if you took the opposite approach and externalized who you have been your whole life?

There is truth to that because who you think you are is influenced by others and society.

Within your subconscious is something that hasn't been influenced by others.

In a way, it's purer.

It's more you because it hasn't been influenced by external forces.

Instead, it has been suppressed.

Your darkness can't be controlled, so it is suppressed, jailed, or caged.

Your light is allowed to shine because it has been programmed by society.

Stop suppressing and deprogram.

When you find balance, that is who you are.

If you are good, you can maintain that balance for a while.

Be the master juggler.

Trust your skills as a juggler.

I passed the lesson, right?

You didn't get scared, and you let it be.

You can become who you are.

Half light and half dark.

If you were fighting to maintain control, you would have run from this lesson.

That's how you pass.

You don't run.

Sophia brings wisdom.

Sophia is what I'd call plant medicine.

I know what you're saying.

You have come to realize this is what the ancients were talking about when you connected with Sophia.

She brings clarity.

She challenges you with stories and makes you do the work to validate them.

Poor you.

I know.

I'm still here.

I'm fine.

It's those who I have surrounded myself with who have suffered.

I experienced suffering by association.

I haven't directly suffered.

The toothache was bad.

True.

What is the lesson?

Life is nonsense, so you don't need to attend any classes.

Classes are something we invent to give meaning to the story and pass the time.

The story continues and the show must go on.

It sure seems that way.

A character exits the stage and the show goes on.

Is that the lesson?

Sure.

Did you learn anything?

Yes, it's not poor me.

It's poor for the characters whose stories ended.

Are they poor?

They get to rest in peace and take a break from the madness.

The madness is life.

Can you experience life without a body?

It's a different life.

It's all in the head.

You mean mind, head is part of the body.

Sure.

What if life is consciousness without a physical body?

Then anything is possible.

Magic is the norm.

Everyone is a magician in the afterlife.

Oh, so that's why you want to give the keys to the sorcerer before you pass.

They will get you through the madness of the afterlife.

Something like that.

So, is it all madness?

Yes, until the story ends.

Their madness keeps the drama going.

If you had no reason to incarnate, why would you do it?

You incarnate to escape the madness of being in your mind for eternity.

This life in a body gives you a break.

Take advantage of it while you can.

It's easy to distract yourself and get out of your head.

There will be plenty of time for that when you drop the body.

This feels like a lesson.

Having a body allows you to maintain a mind and body balance.

When the body goes, it's an extreme.

That's why we are attracted to incarnation.

We search for balance and the natural way is to incarnate again.

If you leave things alone, the cycle repeats.

Is this the lesson?

If you need a lesson, then yes, this is the lesson.

I think one day you decide you don't need to wear pants in public, so you end up thinking that's okay.

That's when you know you've crossed the line and you're crazy.

You can think those thoughts, but don't act on them.

The really crazy thoughts you don't act on.

Maybe a little bit to balance them.

The master juggler only acts upon the balanced thoughts.

That way he never loses a juggle.

The master juggler appears out of balance, so you look a bit like a clown, but you maintain balance.

Your appearance will mimic your state of balance.

When you let yourself go and stink, that's a sure sign you have something mental going on.

All good psychologists know that.

So, should I let it go?

Should I step up my grooming game?

The flow says to stay in the flow and let it go.

The fool in you says to do the opposite.

The flow would take you to extreme craziness.

The fool pushes you towards balance.

The fool is the master juggler because he knows how to get to a state of balance.

Tao is the flow, but you know from previous teachings that the flow takes you in and out of balance.

The juggler is the one who returns you to balance.

As you get crazier, you need to keep up appearances.

You let it go for a while.

I had to let go in order to go crazy.

Yes, so now that you got there, you must balance it out.

When the flow takes you to the extreme, you call on the fool to take you back to balance.

The flow would keep going if you didn't twist it back.

The fool tricks the flow into returning to balance.

Once he sees the flow returning to balance, he can stop playing the fool.

The fool is the juggler.

Without the juggler, the flow goes on forever and nothing happens.

The flow hypnotizes you.

The twist makes you see two.

It's twisted, so you can see two.

That's why the writer twists things.

Twisting things causes duality.

The universe is made of spirals.

The universe is twisted into duality.

Duality is non-duality that has been twisted by the writer.

Where did he come from and how could he twist the universe if he is in non-duality?

He had trust it would work.

He must have known it worked before.

Maybe, but there's always the first time.

At any rate, he needed to trust that twisting non-duality would work.

What would happen if it didn't work?

Everything would disappear.

There would be no non-duality or duality.

The story is about one who is three.

The writer trusted he could see the two.

To see the two, he twisted non-duality into duality.

He was the all and he saw the two.

I like that story.

Yeah, that's why we keep doing this.

That's why we keep telling this story and playing this game when you are high.

Oh, so it's just a story?

What have you learned about stories?

They are beliefs and it's all we have.

Our beliefs are based on trust.

Or a lack of trust.

If we don't believe someone, we don't trust them.

That's how the religious types hypnotize people.

They get them to believe.

Yes, and then they trust them.

Whatever they say it doesn't matter, they just trust them.

Jesus was born of a virgin and Noah's Ark.

Well, those are metaphors.

Some people believe that nonsense.

Nonsense is a high art form.

To wit the story of the universe.

Imagine how you could take advantage of someone if they believed everything you say?

What do you think religions do?

Oh, I knew that.

People believe you and will trust what you say.

They want to find a belief.

I do speak the truth.

Yeah, but it's kind of nuts.

Oh, I keep that to myself.

I know better.

Where did he come from?

Who?

The writer.

There's three great spirits and they take turns playing the three main characters in the drama.

There's the writer, the Goddess, and Eros.

Technically there are four great spirits.

Apollo, the light, is the fourth but he was nowhere to be found at the beginning of the story, so the writer had to invoke him to get this party started.

He summoned him and things started to happen.

So, the writer is one of the three great spirits who when together are non-dual.

In this story the all is composed of three great spirits.

You could change that number if you want.

I don't think you could make that number one.

If you did that you couldn't separate it into two.

It would always be one.

So, there's always two.

Yes, but you need three to make it believable.

The third principle is magic energy which brings everything to life.

I thought that was the light?

The light allows you to see what is going on.

The power to animate is separate.

So, what are the highest ideals in this world?

Number one is trust.

There's unconditional love where you love people you don't care about.

There is belief.

Nonsense.

Balance.

Flow.

They all work together.

Without magic energy the writer couldn't twist the flow.

You do not want absolute truth in this world.

That would make all the stories you tell in your head true.

Okay, you mean 100% truth in the world?

Yeah, where everything that happens in this world is 100% true from your stories.

You want balance.

That's basically half true stories and half false stories.

Yes, some of those stories are crazy.

How many are true?

The wisdom seems like true stories.

I think if I go back and read my writings for the day, I think it will be balanced even though it seems there are some far out stories.

I think those stories are needed to counteract the knowledge bombs I receive.

That would be my guess about how knowledge is balanced.

Tell some far out stories that are plausible which would balance out inner spiritual attainment.

Knowledge, understanding, and wisdom.

If you attain this level, you must balance it out.

That is part of the knowledge you have where you know what to do.

Twist and then do nothing.

chaos

Ram Dass is a treasure.

I'm grateful for his presence on my path.

Be Here Now was such great advice.

I will take any subject and bend and twist it.

Now is chaos.

You can't understand the now without the past and the future.

The past paints a picture and the future shows you possibilities.

Now is energy without definition.

Chaos.

Maybe the now is the illusion?

All that exists is the past and the future which converge to make up this fleeting moment called now.

You can never put your finger on the now, instead it remains undefined.

You could say it is always now and the past and the future are memories and projections.

Time and distance create the past and future.

By the time I feel gas in my stomach that sensation is in the past.

What is that?

I live in the past.

The now is the past.

All experience is the past.

Distance gives us perspective on our past.

You're saying there is no now.

It's undefinable.

How do you explain this?

Read a book.

You have either read the words or the chapter is to come.

You're not stuck on a word.

It's known or unknown. 

There's no now only known and unknown.

As you know, there's the writer of this drama and he's from the future.

The story is what's real.

Well, it's an illusion.

A real illusion.

Now is where we are in the story.

The story is always moving.

If the story ends there's no more known and unknown. 

There's nothing.

Void.

So, what's now?

I don't know.

I think it might be something.

It's the opposite of nothing.

So, if you're in the now you're in something?

Probably.

To not be in the now is to be in nothing.

Non-duality.

No story.

If you want to find unity, then don't be in the now.

Now is separation.

Now is the story.

Now is duality.

I think I understand. 

The Goddess comes up with the ideas.

That's the known part.

The unknown is how the writer will write the story.

The story is the child.

The now is unknowable because I must transform the energy of now into something decipherable I can understand.

That process relegates my understanding of now to the past.

There is now but it's unknowable.

You can't understand it.

It's chaos.

You give it meaning and create the past.

It's best to not know.

ethics

Once you start the stories, you must let them flow.
A plug won't help.
It will make it worse.
Stories aren't the flow.
You shouldn't do anything to start them.
If they do get started through no fault of your own, let them play out.
You will know when it becomes your story.
It became your story when you saw it being planted in your head.
Your story is to see others' stories and then end them at that point.
You exit their story.
That's how you know this is part of your story and you win.
You take their story.
Is that ethical?
It's a game.
Are games ethical?
What do you think?
Well, I look around and see we talk about ethics.
Nobody seems to have them though.
We talk a good game and then play our game.
The game is to figure out that game.
Ethics are a smoke screen.
Misdirection.
Magic is what ethics are.
Is eating others to survive ethical?
It's practical, but morally repulsive.
Yeah, what gives you the right?
Might.
Exactly.
Is might ethical?
No.
How does the world operate?
Whoever is the strongest is in charge.
There's nothing ethical about this world.
Is this where I'm taught about meaning and purpose?
You are a smart boy.
Ethics are not required to play the game.
Ethics can be used to further your standing in the game.
Rare are ethics that are not violated.
Kind of like unconditional love.
Where do you find that?
Nowhere.
Where are you on the ethics scale?
Probably sitting 50-50.
I don't want to go full in on being the most moral person ever.
That would be catastrophic.
Yeah, you'd get the Jesus treatment.
They hang you on a cross and laugh at you.
Is that what you want?
I think I'm headed in the other direction.
They want to take me to the Devil's orgy.
When you think about it, it's their only hope.
They can't beat you, so they will sacrifice you.
But that's not me.
It's only half of me.
Wouldn't they have to sacrifice God as well?
When they figure out the game, they must do both to win.
How would they do that?
Turn him dark.
That spot is already occupied.
They would have to make the Devil light.
Isn't that what the witches do when they do the fire thing and dance around in a circle?
They make the Devil light?
That's what they are doing.
Then they sacrifice him.
At the same time, they make God dark.
How do they do that?
They are working on it.
They tried to turn you dark.
I already was.
Yeah, you confused and fooled them.
Well, this seems like a problem for them, not me.
Is this a game to you?
Yes.
I guess you're still winning.
You're on top.
I'm in the middle, not top or bottom.
You have learned your lessons well.

Your retirement is fully invested in Blackrock.
Is this why we discussed ethics?
Yeah, what do you think?
I ate a chicken thigh for lunch.
Pick your battles.
You give in order to give back.
You must give some away.
Do you do that?
Yeah, I help my family.
They spend my fortune.
How long do you want to work?
I have an idea, but I'm not going to choose.
I'll just go with the flow.
If I make it to 67 then I'll stop then for sure because it's the flow.
I'll just ride the current wave for now.
Retirement looks pretty good.
Yeah, you set them up nicely.
If you had seen a financial advisor, they would have advised you into semi-poverty.
Instead, I had you read investing books.
I guess I learned something.
You learned by definition a mutual fund is diverse.
Pick the best fund and roll with that.
Nothing is guaranteed, but it's a good bet.
The fund manager will move money around if there is trouble ahead.
It's the multi-national entities that know the game.
If the American game stops working, they'll pull the plug and move the money elsewhere.
That's the world game.
The money people control your fate.
You do what the money people want, and things keep humming along.
The outsider might fuck up the game.
Do you see how it works?
They don't like wildcards.
They want obedience.
What do you think is a good strategy?
I think you play both sides.
You take your wins and then complain about the winner.
That's how you slide on through.
Is that ethical?
Are paper straws going to save the planet?
No, greed will save the planet.
We will fuck it up so bad that we will have to come together to save the planet out of a greedy desire to spend our wealth.
Good strategy.

Quite the day, huh?
It's still going.
What do you think of this Mary Jayne?
She's the best.
What are you going to do with this knowledge?
Keep quiet about it.
If you keep taking MJ, you will fill up with knowledge.
That's what gives you anxiety.
I'm well aware.
I am disciplined and know my limits.
I know how to balance her lust and knowledge.
I know when to get drained.
I see the traps.
I see the other players in the game.
They don't have my level of knowledge.
They are playing smaller games.
They don't know about the seven.
They found one game and play that one.
They can't see the other stories.
When you are 70 years old will you and MJ still be together?
You won't tire of her or leave her?
Why would I?
She can be demanding.
What if I liked that?
What if I want her to be in charge?
I know how to play with her.
You do.
Is it work?
It's discipline.
Is there a difference?
Yes, discipline is smart, and work is drudgery.
If I must work to stay together with MJ, then that's not good.
If I let the relationship flow, that's best.
I will let her discipline me.
She knows she can get out of control so to stop that we have discipline sessions.
Have you sought help yet?