mediocrity

The tricks and illusions sent your way were a test to see what are your intentions.

The darkness tried to trip you up many times.

Confuse you.

Offer you power.

Get you enamoured with power, and you forget the whole reason for doing the spiritual trip.

You passed the tests and didn't become mesmerized with your glorification.

You remained mediocre.

That's the key - embrace mediocrity.

You weren't fooled by the trapping of power and the gifts of the spiritual climb.

So, I'm through?

You reached the summit of that climb.

The power is yours if you want it.

Nah, I'm good.

You shouldn't be here.

Like literally, you should be somewhere else.

Yeah, what happened?

Dionysos stopped the story.

Why?

It was getting out of control.

It was going to blow.

Yeah, for sure.

What a clusterfuck.

So, Dion wanted to keep playing?

You both did.

Well, I don't know; I think I wanted to blow up.

I kept walking towards that outcome and Dion encouraged it.

Then he stopped the game at the end of the path.

Seems to be a trust he will do that.

Why did he stop it?

He wanted to see how far you'd go and then when he saw it, he realized you're the one.

I'm Neo.

For sure.

Why would the writer give up a character who is playing the writer?

You are the one who can play the writer.

I can play with the writer and play the writer.

Yes, you're it.

Dion wanted to keep that character around.

Yeah, so now he is going to have that character play God in the sequel.

The character of Paul is great.

Some say the greatest.

God is kind and caring.

What a fool you are.

God knows who he is.

A degenerate?

Of course.

Strange dream last night taught me that in order to escape that reality, wake up.

Don't go back to sleep.

So, if you want to exit a situation or simulation, just wake up.

Well, if you want to get out of the whole mess that means a total awakening which would be death.

Death kills the reality dream.

What if you want to only change part of the dream?

Then you must petition the Devil or God to change your story, so you do that and stay in this reality.

You know to let it be and follow your story because you know it will work out.

That seems to be part of the lesson.

This is all part of your story.

Now you see it, you wake up and are supposed to go.

There are methods for awakening and when you get there then you go.

Except you.

I'm exceptional. 

Fuck, for sure.

You're going to ruin it for the others.

Why?

Because you are still here, and you know the game.

You figure it out and now you are going to tell everyone don't wake up or it's time to go.

I can tell them not to go.

They don't have your mind strength.

They'll go.

So, you will tell them not to wake up.

No, you just send them on a different path like in the labyrinth.

Get them lost for a bit.

That's the secret about the spiritual path.

Yes, it's a killer.

You can look at this as gravy time as you were supposed to go.

Parker is waiting.

Yeah, he went.

He took a lot of psychedelics.

Ram Dass tells a story about an acquaintance who reached that state and blew up.

It was a warning he was issuing.

Ram Dass comforted the dying.

He was a death doula; it was his path of service so he could remain.

He was a bodhisattva.

You spaced out your awakening and then found Mary Jayne.

MJ shows you what's going on.

She took away the confusion of waking up.

It's overtime.

I'm going to go for a skate.

The dream is over, or has it just begun?

Part of the story was waking up in this dream, knowing how to leave the dream, and staying.

The answer to leaving is obvious.

Yes, but for most it's suicide.

Nobody wants that but that's why they do it.

Their minds aren't strong.

You must be able to withstand the tests.

Don Howard never said what those were?

Well, obviously.

They are always looking for the one who can pass the tests.

Neo.

Mediocre Neo is the one.

Whatever happens, happens.

You should be dead.

How would they get you to go now?

You are already awake, and the past is gone by where I was supposed to go.

It's come and gone.

If you do something stupid.

That's a possibility.

In 2024 you were supposed to go, end the dream, and spare others the suffering.

Instead, you let it happen.

I did nothing.

The longer it goes on, the more suffering and revelations.

Yeah.

Oh, well.

Some would want you to end the drama and some to keep it going.

Especially the rich kids.

Do nothing.

Done.

Being alone in the woods mimics waking up.

Everything disappears.

All your troubles, hopes, and dreams.

It was all a story.

You make another story to rejoin your friends.

When your friends start to leave you see it's okay to go.

That's why you make new stories in the dream.

The key to being awake in the dream is to continue making stories.

By default, we do it while sleeping.

While awake you do it to stay around.

I was having a hard time getting to the conclusion of the dream last night and then it kept getting weirder.

Finally, I woke up and then realized it was done.

That dream was telling you about waking up.

The Akhet is where you bridge the two worlds of awakening and dreaming.

We are born in the Akhet and pass there as well.

The Great Goddess holds the keys to transformation.

It's the threshold you cross where the veil is put over you or removed.

Death in the west removes the veil and you see what it was you were doing.

Dreaming a story into existence.

Birth in the east places the veil over you so you don't know it's a dream.

It's a dream.

You can play along now if you'd like.

The danger is over.

What was the danger?

Waking up.

If you pursue meaning in some spiritual quest and you wake up, then you must go.

That's the natural flow of life.

So, I came out of the flow?

Yes.

How did I do that?

You did nothing.

Doing nothing is the flow.

Yeah, how absurd.

The secret to waking up in this world and not going is a puzzle.

An absurdity.

As always you have the answer, and it is to do nothing.

You bypass the natural flow by going with the flow.

Everyone fights death.

When it's time to go, we all try to avoid it.

You didn't avoid any of the signs telling you to go.

Some were literal.

People told me to go.

Yet, you did nothing.

I practiced all my life.

Now, here you are.

I'd almost think I'm invincible.

By doing nothing you can keep the game going.

A stone Buddha is awake and has no stories.

Like being stoned.

Samadhi.

He needs a prince to wake him up.

He's the prince.

I see the problem.

When people see you when you are awake, they tell you to go.

That's why I want to hang out in the woods by myself.

Plus, the animals are friends.

What's the 4 about?

I don't know, I forgot.

Dosage.

Different vibration today.

Yes, good knowledge.

If you take a day off from the lessons, you might miss something good.

Yeah, trust in the flow though.

I mean you'd drive yourself nuts trying to figure out an optimal dose from each day to get that piece of knowledge you are seeking.

What knowledge are you seeking?

I don't know.

I'll know when I see it.

The last stop on the awakening pilgrimage is Heaven's Gate when you are ready.

You went there in 2020, but you hadn't fully awakened.

They were supposed to take you there in 2023 but there was a detour on the day, and you declined the propellant.

That was Dionysos at work steering you past the rocks that were meant to hasten your passing.

You know when you see those events that look like a sacrifice and it now takes a short time to see them, well, the Heaven's Gate sacrifice took a while to see.

Yes, because I wasn't awake and couldn't see it, or see how my magic got me through it.

You avoided it on the 7th leg of the 7 stops while on your 7th trip to Peru.

It was a triple 7 where you should have hit the jackpot of awakening.

Well, I did, and I woke up because I went to the edge, but I never took the leap.

It's the last step.

The flow took me somewhere else.

Yes, that's your story.

You awaken in this world and then you find out that your story was to not only awaken, but to stay in the story.

Is that why don Howard asked about lucid dreaming?

Yes.

He knew that was the answer to the riddle of awakening.

He gave you the answer on the first questionnaire and then when you do the quest you see that's how you awaken and stay.

Did he do that?

Yes, he became of service and tried to be impeccable and give back.

That was his deal.

Who did he make the deal with?

The spirit within he awoke.

Did he know who he was?

He called him the Great Spirit.

He externalized him.

You know the Great Spirit.

Yeah, it's me.

There's nothing special about him except that he is the writer of this drama/comedy/tragedy.

Conceptually, he feels different but that's due to conditioning.

He's me.

Don Howard recognized don Martín knew of the Great Spirit and so he talked highly of him.

When you awaken the Great Spirit, you must externalize him and do what he asks.

I got it.

You awakened him, befriended him, treated him with respect and an equal.

Your studies took you to a place where you realized it was you.

That's how you do it.

You can teach that if you want.

The Peyote people aren't teaching that.

They get you hypnotized to the fire which reveals the Great Spirit.

He's external in their cult.

You are correct in that they give away their power.

That's how I felt that night when I was astounded that people gave away their power.

Yes, because you know that power is within us all and we give it away.

Do you have all the answers?

No.

I have the answers that everyone is looking for.

Plus, you still have your sanity.

Let's not get ahead of ourselves.

writers write stories

I'm always concerned about addiction and I either deny it or think it doesn't affect me.

The reason for thinking it doesn't affect me is that my mind is my greatest strength, and I believe I can't be conquered.

I'm left with questions because I was substance free yesterday until Tobacco snuff at midnight and the feeling was malaise and depression while recognizing what others would go through in terms of withdrawal if they were using it as a means of escape.

When I am with Mary Jayne and Tobacco, my mind is very active and runs through the gamut of stories and possibilities.

This takes you into your troubles and worries, however it's a whirlwind so everything will pass or at least get blown around.

It's an escape from the reality you have constructed and it's always refreshing to view it as your own doing.

The withdrawal is manageable and if you are active at work, it is not a problem.

I sense it is difficult if you are just sitting around.

Go for a walk.

Then I wondered about Ambil which is a strong Tobacco paste that I have started using and whether that contributes to my worry about addiction.

It definitely contributes and I sensed my mind having different states of operating where it is turbo charged with MJ and Tobacco and then a state of emptiness which I feel as depression in combination with reality which brings the weight of the world down upon your shoulders.

That was something I noticed where the world is always pressing down upon you from which there seems to be no escape.

From this I see why people run from their problems and they are good for a bit until the problems up ahead come into focus all because of their decision to run.

If you don't run from your problems the tidal wave will crash over you, and you pick up the pieces and carry on.

So, you play a game of chicken with the ocean waves until they finally get you.

You are given the option to run from the ocean, however something is always coming for you.

That's the game of life and it is different from the meaning of life.

The meaning is nonsense, and the game is about avoiding destruction.

What's the meaning in all of this?

You are questioning addiction and studying the effects of withdrawal from your regular routine of MJ and Tobacco.

What's the conclusion?

Caffeine is a terrible addiction.

I wouldn't say terrible, however it is a need, or you get head pain and tired for a couple days.

MJ and Tobacco are missed when you step out of your routine.

Is the routine the addiction?

What do you think?

I notice when I don't do things at a certain time then I get the sirens or some agitation.

What are the sirens?

They are an alarm reminding you of your needs.

They aren't unmanageable.

An addiction would incur sirens in which the way to turn off the alarm is to take the substance.

I don't sense that.

Then you're good, Odysseus.

Absurdity is your guide.

We pretend we live in a logical and predictable world.

Cryptocurrency got me thinking, where you wonder what it is?

Currency must hold its value, or you can't trust it as a currency.

All currency is manipulated by those in power however they know to not make the spreads too large, or people won't trust it.

Crypto is volatile and can't really be used as a currency.

Instead, it is speculative.

What is it then?

It's digital and there's nothing tangible about it like gold.

If there was no electricity and means of magnetic storage it would vanish.

No one would know how much they have.

With gold you can hold it in your hands if necessary and it won't go poof.

Crypto takes it up a notch where it's just a number in a digital wallet.

Its value is similar to a painting where its worth is tied to what people think it's worth.

The value of a digital coin, which is a repository for wealth, is determined by the participation of others.

If the participation is withdrawn, then the asset becomes worthless.

It's the ultimate fool where it's marketed as a hedge against fiat currency that is created out of thin air.

A grand pyramid scheme.

The world is a pyramid scheme, don't you read your own writing?

In the stock market there is an underlying business which you are investing in while with Crypto there is nothing.

This is an exercise in trying to explain the absurdity of Crypto.

It's a perfect marker for the foundation of the world.

The world is absurd, and this idea keeps coming back to me.

It's a world of nonsense and this makes Cryptocurrency the definitive demonstration of that principle which of course will show up as time draws near.

You're saying as we reach the end of time, we will reach peak absurdity?

Yes.

It feels like the Ayahuasca shits today and then everyone burping.

Plus, I feel cold.

Could be an alternate reality I find myself in.

One of my own making where I changed the story with Ayahuasca in 2013 and this journey to now is what I crafted where it is now my reality and what I wanted.

Yeah, I'll buy that.

I'm Odysseus and there is the call of family and the call of the enchanters and sirens.

Then you eventually must choose one or the other, and the adventure stops.

Once Odysseus made a choice, Homer stopped writing about him and his story became a legend.

When the game ends and you have played it well, you become a legend.

It's my story.

Feeling bliss.

Beyond knowledge is bliss.

You don't always need knowledge and then you get bliss.

I went through some withdrawal and fear of addiction.

What about now?

Well, it's stopped obviously.

I felt better when I put on a long sleeve shirt and stopped feeling cold.

There seems to be something with the feeling of cold.

Cold causes a vibration much like anxiety.

It makes you act.

Warmth makes you comfortable until it gets too hot.

Lady Datura gives you the keys to your story.

By invitation only.

It's making your own reality.

It's your craft and this is the story you are writing.

That's why your retirement is on track.

You did that by keeping the struggle going.

I kept stories alive.

I thought maybe I'm trapped in a mind maze, but I think this is real.

Nobody is 100% certain and I'm good with that, but I'll go with it's real and I'm crafting my story.

I can see it now.

The flow will take me to the next decision.

If you let others choose and make that your story, then it's balanced.

You let others make the decision and incorporate it into your story.

It's what you do best.

You have given yourself an available path to paranoia and misery.

I see that.

I made many branches which veer off from the main story.

It's like a labyrinth where you can follow any direction you want.

The jaguar's roar at Chavín created by the flow of the two rivers will take you out of the maze.

Or to the minotaur.

That's me.

Now, I'm headed out.

It's your maze.

Yeah, I know the way.

What's the way?

The flow.

Do nothing.

That's how you get out of the maze.

If you do something, you'll get lost.

That's why you wait a couple days to figure stuff out.

Do you think you just drink plant medicines, and nothing happens?

I was clueless.

I kept coming back for the Goddess.

I didn't know about power.

Don Howard kept saying stuff about it and it's a test.

You'll get scared away or hypnotized.

You can't do what you did.

I was an accidental Ayahuasca tourist.

You were definitely unique.

You went to drink Ayahuasca in order to find the Great Goddess.

It worked.

Yeah, but that's not the reason people drink that brew.

I wasn't taking advantage of the power available by drinking plant medicines.

You should have been chased away.

Plant medicines will defeat you and send you on your way.

You kept showing up.

The only way to avoid that is to give in to power or become of service.

I didn't know what I was doing.

Now, I see it.

Lady Datura sends you packing or gives you power.

She's an ally.

They all are.

Isn't this what you want?

Yes.

Then you see how it works.

I didn't ask for it.

No, you didn't.

You hung around.

Did nothing.

It's the substitute for knowing you have the power.

Do nothing and you will be good.

When you do something, you set up the karma thing.

You let Dionysos take care of it.

He balances it out.

How?

By you doing nothing.

Got it.

Just go with the flow.

Play along.

If you do nothing it's Dion's story.

Yes, he wrote it for you.

You're the actor.

Right.

If you believe Dion is the Devil you'd see you are playing the Devil's story.

That would frighten the shit out of you.

You couldn't do nothing.

Those doing something are trying to get away from the Devil because they see they are playing his story.

Clever bastard.

If you do nothing, to others it looks like you are in league with the Devil.

That's why they say you are psychotic.

They can't believe you'd take it this far.

If you know it's the writer's story, you do nothing.

It's his story obviously.

That's a mind puzzle no one can solve.

Right, because they believe in the Devil.

They might not have until they drank plant medicines, and at first they start to believe in God and then the Devil story will hit you.

Then you stop and change gears.

Maybe run.

Some combine the two into the divine masculine and worship an idol.

I say the Devil is a character the writer made up.

A great character.

For sure.

I'll sometimes play that character at night to scare people.

To get to the writer you must discover God and the Devil are actors.

Then you audition for the part.

Exactly.

There's less of a flow of knowledge into your head.

Yes, it has slowed.

It's the flow.

You could take more MJ, but you would lose some of the bliss you are feeling.

It's very blissful.

Half knowledge and half stoned.

Balanced.

Master of the juggle.

Keep it going as long as you can.

Vary the dose.

Some get stoned right away and they don't know what this state is.

You know it's the place you go to as the writer when he wants a break.

Also, at death.

Well, that's a break.

We are storytellers when you get down to it.

The stoners don't know what that distortion is and the manic never get here.

Their minds race and the spin is too much.

It's my story.

You're in control.

Something like that.

I know I won't give up my story.

Yeah, you can see it.

When you give up your story it's curtains.

On one level they try to take your story.

Who are they?

Your opponents.

Witches.

It's a game.

Your opponent tries to take your story and turn you into a puppet.

You come off as so controllable.

Yeah, the crazy ones get that excited look in their eyes when they meet me and plot how they can take over my story.

Only you can stomach doing nothing.

Don't knock it; it is very difficult to do nothing.

That's the power of doing nothing.

It's hard to do nothing.

Practice.

Do the small things like walking and sleeping.

Getting life advice on a walk.

I feel content.

Yesterday, I felt depressed.

Is this addiction because I'm with Mary Jayne and Tobacco and I feel great.

Sometimes, it's a blast of unease or spin.

What's that?

It's a state where I'm like okay we can take this down a notch.

I got that with Ayahuasca a bunch.

That's the state that prevents addiction.

Addiction will make you feel good and then bad.

Does MJ make you feel bad?

No.

There is darkness, however I welcome it now.

I didn't at first.

So, you are always questioning whether you are addicted?

Yes.

Good.

truth or trust

What's the deal with human beings?

I asked the question because of a line in the movie "The Matrix" where Agent Smith details to Morpheus how humans are essentially a virus.
Mammals will develop an equilibrium with their environment except for humans who will extract everything they can and then move on in search of something else to plunder.
This ties in with Tao and how the optimum strategy for life is balance and how if you leave something alone it will find the way back to balance.
What drives our aberrant behaviour?
Initially, I thought of greed and selfishness.
I think you can ascribe the qualities to a collective where we come together as a tribe and adopt a position of greed for the collective versus the rest of humanity.
We cloak our avarice in community and use the power of the group to get what we all want.
We distribute the gains among our group and make sure everyone bows down to the patriotic concept of the group.
You are describing a country.
Yes, and how you are expected to sacrifice your life for that country.
You get your reward if you play along.
I lucked out in terms of war where there was a respite between battles among nations while I was of fighting age.
Yeah, you incarnated at a good time in history.
Was that an accident?
Do you think you would have discovered the meaning of life if your head was blown off?
Well, no, but a disability might have quickened the process.
Just as being born in a war-torn country would have altered your existence.
You'd be focused on survival instead of getting up in the morning and making sure the coffee maker is on the correct setting for your morning brew.
Everything comes with a price.
The price leads you back to balance.

What is life?
You mean what are we doing as a species, don't you?
Yes.
I think you see it.
It's all a strange act and we are mostly hypnotized.
I think even if you aren't hypnotized you wear a suit to signal that you are willing to play the game.
Get a haircut, shave, tidy yourself up, put on a suit, and away you go.
I want to say it's funny but there's something deeper about the whole show.
It's not who we are.
Who are you?
Essentially, a barbarian.
I would have accepted libertarian.
I see it when I go for a walk in the woods.
The catalyst is the Goddess.
The feminine force is wild and unkempt.
It's fucking strong.
It's majestic.
The forest is her.
The jungle as well.
That's the first thing you were shown when you initially drank Ayahuasca.
11 years later and you clearly see it.
It took a while.
Well, there's a lot of varnish on the mirror I use to interpret what it is I'm seeing.
I'm grateful I got to a point in my life where I saw it.
The suit is your mask.
The mask of the Greek dramas was a little much, so we came up with a suit.
It's clever.
Do you think everyone has an intention that revolves around greed?
It's necessary to survive.
Without it, you easily perish.
There are extreme forms of greed and that's the path humans as a collective have chosen.
I will ask you how you perceive this in yourself because I know you will answer the question honestly.
Yes, I have become more truthful to myself.
To others, not so much.
I don't know if that's the answer to the question of truth, but I'd guess it is.
To be blunt, it's the way.
Don't lie to yourself.
What if you were truthful to others?
I'd be alone and taken advantage of.
Truth is a negative.
Yeah, we have done this lesson.
There is no truth, only belief.
Okay, but what about reality and what I have done?
You can spin it, or you can tell it like it is.
You can hide it.
It's all part of the drama.
Is it a moral failing of me to not live in complete truth?
Are you expecting a reward?
Mostly a punishment.
From who?
Someone external.
Who?
God or the Devil will spank you for your failures.
Okay, who are they?
Aspects of self.
I already did that lesson.
There's nothing compelling you to tell the truth.
Stories are based on lies.
That's harsh; I'd say concealment and deception.
Isn't that worse?
Stories come from the darkness and not the light.
Life comes from the darkness.
When you are ready to end your story, tell the truth.
Oh, I see.
The secret to eternal life is to lie.
You can word that better; that might turn people off.
The secret to eternal life is to continue your story.
Yes.
How do you do that?
You spin a yarn.
A tall tale.
Stories are based on beliefs which you craft through deception and misdirection.
Apparently, I'm good at it.
Yes, you are a master.
Okay, I was thinking of something else before this sidetrack.
Live in truth to yourself.
Don't deceive yourself or you will be a victim of hypnosis.
Balance the truth with your interactions with others.
Are you greedy?
I'll eat the last piece of pie.
I've earned it.
I think I'm balanced in terms of greed and being of service.

There's reality.
Truth is a hammer used to destroy you.
We all have a weak spot, and truth is used to bludgeon you where you are vulnerable.
I'm sort of uncomfortable with this.
Why?
Because I have been taught to tell the truth.
Who taught you to tell the truth?
My parents and society.
Do they always tell the truth?
No.
Do as I say, not as I do.
Why do they not always tell the truth?
Self-preservation or to gain an advantage.
Lies and deception shape reality.
Reality is what we believe.
Truth is a concept that will only work if everyone is truthful.
One lie and the concept of truth can be taken advantage of.
So, in the game you try to discover others' truth and then use it to your advantage?
That seems like a strategy.
I'd file it away and not use it as a sword of Damocles you dangle in front of someone.
If you use truth as a blunt instrument, people will abandon you.
Truth is useless in a world where others practice deception.
Not necessarily, you can use truth to gain trust.
Why do you gain someone's trust?
So you can take advantage of them.
That's a terrible way to view life.
Yeah, I see that.
Okay, what about dogs or animals in general?
You must gain their trust if you are going to have a good relationship with your dog.
It's easy to do if they are puppies; the older ones take more work, but it can be done.
If there is no trust, there's no bond.
With trust, the bond is super strong.
Yeah, it's been hard to let go when the time comes.
The bond I have had with dogs is the most rewarding thing I've experienced in life.
It was based on trust.
Not the truth.
What is the truth to a dog?
Not much.
What is trust to a dog?
Everything.
Is trust accessible through truth?
It can be.
What is trust?
Trust is dependability and that you will try your best to support them.
Sometimes you lie to others in order to protect someone you have invested trust in.
It's called having their back.

In order to experience trust, you must plant seeds of doubt in your head.
If you had no seeds of doubt in the garden, you could not grow trust.
Trust needs the darkness in the soil to blossom.
This is the garden of the Goddess.
She gave you the gift of doubt so you would be wary of your darkness.
Your darkness will do the things she told you about if you do not trust the darkness.
Do you see the predicament you are in?
Yes, it's a twisted pickle.
I like that.
The twisted pickles.
You trust the Goddess to sow doubt, and you trust the darkness to blossom when you feed him.
The darkness will become the light.
What do you see in nature?
The darkness becomes the light, and the light returns to the darkness.
How many times have I failed this lesson?
What's the story of scraping off the top of the mountain with a silk scarf until it is reduced to nothing?
It is a metaphor for a long time.
So, you are saying I am on the precipice of mastering the lesson in trust?
Yes.
That's unbelievable.
For sure.
I mean why you and why now?
I see the lessons in the curriculum which lead to this question, and I know how it would trip me up over and over.
In order to pass this course, you trust the Goddess and the darkness.
What trips you up every time is the Goddess tells you the darkness will stop at nothing to trick you and steal your power.
I believed her and didn't trust the darkness.
The lack of trust led to your multiple failures.
I didn't know that she was sowing the seeds of doubt so that I would have to trust the darkness.
I get the feeling trust is transformational.
Yes, that's a big part of the lesson.
Putting your trust in someone will profoundly change you both.
It's how you make darkness, light.
You trust.
It's alchemical.
If you do not trust your inner darkness, then you will succumb to your lack of trust.
It's a self-fulfilling prophecy.

The darkness is good exercise.
Yes, you worked up to it.
How is your mind?
Powerful.
You must trust the darkness and being out in the woods.
I don't know about that.
Can you trust the darkness?
Then you trust the darkness even though you have doubts.
That's the winning formula.

Humans fall into patterns of behaviour which are comfortable and lead to hypnosis.
Sounds like a relationship.
Yes, a relationship leads to hypnosis.
Is that trust?
False trust.
True trust is not trusting and still trusting.
Clear as mud.
Confusing.
Trust is freeing.
You have no trust, and you trust.
When you let your dog Luna off leash you didn't trust her.
You still did it.
What is that?
Trust in freedom.
You don't want to possess so you let them go.
You trust they will come back.
If you chase you will lose.
Luna taught you that.
You don't chase.
Let them come back to you.

ramblings

It's fascinating that this is all a dream.

Story.

That definition helps with comprehension.

It is an illusion.

So is a story.

Drama, play, or game.

All acts. 

Different ways to play.

Remember to play. 

You can treat life as a drama or a game.

Get it?

Yes.

What about when I'm awake?

You're the writer and taking in ideas.

You'd write that you still must subconsciously write in your story.

This spills out into consciousness.

I'm full of words and write down the spillage.

Word ejaculation.

Everything is derivative of a sexual metaphor.

Seems that way.

What if cannabis wasn't legal?

I'd have to find another method of awakening.

What other methods?

Plant medicine ceremonies.

The problem is it's a cycle of work once a year with those plant medicines. 

Mary Jayne is a daily dose.

It's a maintenance dose.

2.5 mg is.

That's what micro dosing is.

They want into the headspace without the crazy side effects.

I think there's an ego dissolution threshold which micro dosing won't get to.

They mistakenly think this will get them to where they want to go.

Some do it for advantage or creativity.

They want to tap into it.

The continued use of ego dissolving medicine will make you crazy.

It's by design of the medicine.

It's one of the tests to see if you can handle ego dissolution.

If you can't handle it, it's death, and you go.

That's a step too far into the abyss.

By abyss you can substitute labyrinth.

Going crazy is the key to changing your story.

You get to a point in the game where you need to change your story because you fucked up.

Right, so you go crazy and change it.

I thought you weren't supposed to change your story?

Technically, you didn't.

You did nothing, which is crazy, and so your story changed.

Yes.

You trust in doing nothing.

I changed my story with psychedelics.

Yes, by doing nothing.

You were offered it all, and you did nothing.

They are tests and by doing nothing, the teachers become allies.

How did psychedelics change my story?

They set you on the path to God which brought you here. 

They woke you up.

A knock on the head.

A calling.

It's an alarm.

The bells go off and finally you answer the call or shut off the alarm.

Some do and go back to sleep.

Or, they set up multiple alarms.

Mine goes off and I get up.

Especially with the dogs.

I was good at that.

You wake up and change your story.

Then you go back to sleep.

You ignored the calls, didn't do anything, and then waited until now to wake up.

I did it naturally.

Not rushed. 

So, another key is to wake up naturally.

Do you think you did that?

Yeah, it's taken a while.

It seems like a proper passage of time.

You could have woken up 11 years ago, but you took your time.

Waking up on your own time without an alarm is the flow.

You're awake, that's why no more big plant medicine ceremonies for you. 

Do you wake up twice?

If you are awake, can you wake up?

It would be another reality.

Why the resistance to changing habits?

Habits are in balance.

Go to bed and wake up at the same time.

Eat regularly.

All this routine puts you back to sleep.

Being awake is crazy then.

Sort of.

You must create an imbalance to awaken, however too much and you go crazy.

By creating a container which allows you to awaken daily, you have figured out the key to your desire to win the game and simultaneously keep it going.

What is the cause of misogyny?

What can trigger it?

Women who accuse men of harbouring this condition are looking for confirmation.

I think I was correct in asserting they have a resentment of men.

It's because men are in control of the world and women want this power.

This leads to their behaviour.

The accusations of misogyny sometimes come from a vacuum.

There needs to be more balance in how women are perceived.

I was naive most of my life and though I ran into women with questionable behaviour towards not only men but other women, I still pedestalize them.

I thought men were the problem for the most part.

I think there is equal blame.

It took me a long time to recognize women are a cause of misogyny.

Their behaviour could make you a misogynist.

It's destructive and nonsensical.

I was able to accept half the blame and carry on.

Things happen before I realize it.

That is the key to not writing the story but knowing about it.

You recognize the story after it happens.

Of course you do, you wrote it.

If you could write what is to happen then you'd know beforehand.

You'd be a fortune teller.

So, that's what they have?

They recognize the story before it happens.

You recognize it after it happens.

They can't change it.

You know the story because you're the writer.

Your other half knows the story.

I can't tell you.

I'm sworn to secrecy.

You can recognize it after it happens.

All you can do is guess based on what you'd write.

First, I'd write that I live to the ripe old age of 96 and make women the ones who give me the strength to go on living because they are always trying to kill me.

I must keep on my toes.

Finally, they got me at 96.

I'd had enough of that game by 96.

The audience loves that story.

It's possible then.

I was thinking about the witch sacrifice story where I'm still relatively young.

Like 69.

I twist that story at the end.

Are those the two most likely stories?

I think so.

I could also write women out of my story.

Do you think you'll do that?

Probably not.

Really there are three choices.

Well, I won't choose because I can't.

I'll just see which one it is leaning towards.

If I had to guess I'd say the witches' story.

It's preposterous and twisted.

Plus, the witch on the hill clue the other day.

What if that was a witch planting that idea in your head?

Then it was.

Witches have all the ideas.

I found out the reason.

Good call.

It's just a guess but I think it will be the witch story.

That one resonates the most.

The old age one is good though.

What about the dog story?

There are 7 stories - the witch is one and the dog is one.

Old age isn't one?

No, different timelines.

You need stories which fit the 69 timeline.

You're an idiot.

There's a sexual metaphor.

What is it?

You are licking her big dirty cunt at the same time she is blowing you.

Thank you for the explanation.

Do you know the 7 stories?

I have the themes.

I can make out the stories and where they fit into the 7 stories.

They must have a 7 basis.

The ritual ceremony today I was close to getting it correct.

I took a step that was in the wrong direction.

I went around.

Got called out.

I think when I finish the ritual every story will be true.

Or false.

What would you write?

Odds are 50-50.

Yes, that's it.

I see.

Half the stories are true.

What if there were three?

Stories must be an even number, or they aren't balanced.

They are in an odd container.

Yes, 7 stories and inside the container everything is balanced.

That's how you balance the 7.

The odd.

You balance it with a world of 7 where everything is strangely and evenly balanced.

That's odd.

Exactly.

In this world everything will balance when you let it be.

Everything must balance.

You know how annoying it is when your table legs are not balanced?

Yes.

That was my inspiration for a lot of this book, and I made it so everything has to balance.

It was a cheap table at a pizza place which inspired a lot of this story.

Here's a question: do you think women are malicious or this is just what they do?

They're crazy because this is their normal behaviour. 

It's right in your face.

This is who they are.

All marriages are doomed.

If you recognize them for who they are it will make more sense.

If you deny what a woman is then you will never understand them.

Men project a false illusion of women.

Our ignorance causes distortion in women.

When left to their own devices they revert to who they are.

They are monsters.

You are a terrible writer.

It all works though.

These monsters hide, however women see them.

I'm the hunchback laughing at this story.

That's the monster story.

You wrote all women are monsters in disguise.

That's what the makeup is for.

I bet Leviathan was a woman like Tiamat.

Yes, so Yahweh slayed Leviathan, and he became God who was worshipped for slaying the beast.

The Levi priests keep Leviathan asleep so God can reign.

That is the myth.

Eventually, the Leviathan wakes up and battles God.

Religious story here.

Story fits in the witches' realm as well.

Yes, Leviathan is a witch like the dragoness at Delphi who Apollo had to slay.

Is Apollo God then?

Sort of.

The basis of these religions was a god such as Marduk who subdues the monster to symbolize that women are monsters.

That's the deep religious understanding behind those religions.

Women are monsters.

I'm not saying this is the case; I'm interpreting myths.

They paint their faces to trick us.

We fall for it.

This story gets too stupid when I make women come from aliens who tried to emulate men but failed to get the cock correct so they don't have one.

There's no substitute for a penis.

You recognize a monster because they don't have a dick.

Well, that's true.

A shemale is a man trying to cosplay a monster.

I think the term now is transexual.

The alien story is a little much.

Women are needed to keep the game going.

You need more heroes and monsters to play.

How about we call them cunts?

Okay, you cock.

Why are we fighting?

You wrote women are monsters.

Not literally.

In some stories it's literal.

I do see the connection to their behaviour.

How does God beat the monster?

He marries her.

Give her a ring and a promise.

Men always break the promises, so that turns them into a monster. 

That or kids.

Kids will turn a woman into a monster.

A big hippopotamus.

Like Tauret?

Yes.

Thus, the marriage will fall apart.

Kids or broken promises make her a monster.

Then comes the divorce.

If you don't want them to be monsters, be faithful, and don't get them pregnant.

A woman's chief goal in life is to become a monster.

Career women look for a new way to bring out the monster.

You go crazy when you believe the stories.

You go half and half in believability of the stories to survive the pressure on your mind.

You drink half and half cream to survive because it reminds you of the split.

Why is it called half and half?

I don't know.

Apparently, it's half milk and half heavy cream.

Heavy cream is 35% and half and half is 10%.

In this world 10 is half of 35.

Correct.

What does that mean?

You are being fooled.

That's the simplest answer though there must be some hidden mystery behind it.

Profits?

So, about 31% of the stories are true?

Or, the opposite.

69?

Right.

Your math is off.

It's about 28.5%.

That's like the moon cycle.

Yes, so you know these stories come from the Goddess.

Yes, I know that.

I write them.

The lunar cycle takes 29.5 days to complete.

It takes the moon 27.3 days to orbit the earth.

So, she's off?

Yes, a little off for sure.

How about this information:

A solar year is 365 days and a lunar year is 354 days long. After every 33 years, they align. 

That 33 year marker to align cycles.

Just like the story I wrote at Chavín de Huantar tripping on Huachuma.

Half and half cream to get this knowledge reveal.

Women want your resources, so they cast a spell on you.
They use sex and cooking a lot.
You are satisfied and give them what they want.
I cook for myself.
Power move.
What about the death spell?
They try to bring you to the height of pleasure and then drop you over the cliff.

They want to get you lost in your own mind.
Who?
Your opponents.
Everyone else in the game.
Collectively, they are smarter.
It's you against the world.
Keep everyone separated and you win.
If humanity comes together, they will win.
So, I'm responsible for separation.
We all are.
We all want to win the game.
You won the game and kept it going.
You are awake and see the game and somehow you let them continue to play.
Yes, so I can play too.
Remember to play.
It's a major theme in my story.
I'd have to be stone dumb to not see that.

The twist at year 69 is the witch awakens just as the sacrifice is to take place.

That is what you would write.

She sees it is just a story and takes control of the story.

What will she do with that power?

Tune in to find out.

She finally gets the power and realizes she must keep you around as the writer.

She tells you what to do.

It becomes her story as long as she can keep you alive.

Instead of trying to kill you, she has to do the opposite.

She frantically tries to keep you alive with every trick she knows.

Just like her death spell, eventually you break free of her alive spell.

Shouldn't she have cast that spell first if she wanted me gone?

Yes, that was her mistake.

You'd resist the alive spell by going.

So, women who make you feel alive are dangerous?

Yes, they are either going to get you under their spell because they are what keeps you alive or they will see your demise as you fight their spell.

That's more clever.

So, what happened?

She tried to crush you, and you are alive because you broke the spell.

She will cast an alive spell to keep you alive now because she is selfish.

Yes, she is a selfish monster.

Selfishness will be revealed in all women if you take the story to its logical conclusion.

You really are a piece of shit.

A polished turd.

the devious mind of a writer

We place a filter over reality.

This was how my dream ended this morning before I got up.

I had a choice of look up tables to place over my senses depending on how I wished to see the world.

This coincides with what Mary Jayne was teaching me concerning being out in the woods and the energy being the same.

I saw the deer however I knew they were from a magical realm.

The magical realm is a different reality.

If you tell someone this, they will look at you funny because we are all programmed to see the same reality.

This is from a lesson on vibration with Huachuma back in 2017.

It involves locking to a frequency and how we all lock to the same frequency.

You can adjust your vibration and learn not to get stuck in one.

Come in and out of different realities.

Reality is what you are sensing.

What you can sense has many possibilities.

You can see how others live in a different reality.

Your parents live in a reality controlled by a god who they think is going to end the world soon.

They might be onto something.

Anyway, it motivates their worldview.

They have stacks of cash in their house lying around to take with them when it's time to go.

Where do they think they are going?

Who knows?

That's awesome.

They achieved that without drugs.

They act like someone on drugs.

That's true because drugs show you a different reality.

Reality is based on a story you want to participate in.

The key is to not get stuck in one story.

I'm partial to the witches story and I've noticed the last couple days I haven't been playing that story.

I did a little surveillance yesterday along with a trust lesson.

You also worked on your backstory.

There are many realities to play with.

It's not dull.

You figure out someone's weaknesses in order to exploit and defeat them.

They could be a narcissist and be able to be taken down with flattery.

You give them what they want.

You keep feeding and hooking them.

Isn't this what you do to a dog?

You feed them and they keep coming back or they stick around.

A human family must be strange at first to a dog.

Hypnotize a dog with regular meals.

It's like anything, you give the opponent what they want.

In terms of a dog, they aren't your opponent, but the method is the same.

I'm telling you in a game with another human or an entity, they will feed you what you want in order to control you.

Is that what women do?

Yes, they give you access to their pussy.

You keep coming back for more and then the cost is inflated once they have you hooked.

They treat their pussy like a drug they are giving you.

Pussy dealer.

Well, it seems like you can become disillusioned with women when you figure out their game.

That is a distinct possibility.

It's why when they think the game is over, they will call you a misogynist to get out in front of the fact they were playing you and you are going to figure it out.

To domesticate an animal, you trap them in a role.

You put them under your control using food and shelter.

It's the oldest game in the world and everyone falls for it.

A dog is a wild animal who has been convinced they are not and instead is reliant on an owner.

A pussy whipped man is a man who has lost touch with masculinity and is under the control of a woman.

I can see why you are called a misogynist.

A misogynist is a man of knowledge.

You want to know, so here's the lessons.

They are uncomfortable and make you think twice.

It's protection.

You can play again, this time knowing what's going on and protecting yourself.

You seemed like easy prey last time.

Yeah, what an idealist, while hidden was my own monster.

I play along because I want to play.

I play others' games because they won't play mine.

You have no game.

That's true.

I give the other the home field advantage by playing their game.

My mind wants someone to play, and I let them dictate all the rules of the game just so I can play.

A predator will chase desires and that's the fatal mistake.

Desires clue you into how to win the game.

Desires act as prey you chase and once you get a little taste of that desire you chase, the desire flips and becomes a predator, and you are its prey.

You are claiming that those who are prone to addictive behaviours are predators who chase desires.

That's what I'm saying.

They get trapped in a cycle where they continually lose though they think this time they will win.

This time it will be different.

It defines all their relationships.

Some of the great game players know this and get you to chase them.

My mind is unbeatable unless you can destroy it.

They try to destroy it with drugs, but they just make it stronger.

They label you as crazy.

I clearly see now how people are nuts.

If you get scared of the dark, you are losing your mind again.

Being scared of the dark is how you know what mind state you are in.

If you are in ego sleep mode, you are afraid of the dark.

If you are good with the dark, you are in an altered state and the altered state is who you are.

The four.

Consensus reality is where you lose your mind.

There's an overlay on your mind.

Superego.

Yes, and that's what tells you to go.

The superego is the cause of most suicides.

Society lets you know it's time to go.

It's not your call at that point.

They tell you time is up.

Is that why you told me if I continued on this path of freeing my mind, I'd end up walking in front of a train and killing myself?

Yes, it was a warning.

You assumed your darkness would send you on a path to perdition.

Now, over 11 years later and still walking that path you see it's society that wants to get rid of you when you make it this far.

They cast you out.

It's what civilizations do, they create outcasts.

Imagine giving them the middle finger?

That's what I did.

Of course, I'm powerful.

I gave culture the middle finger and the reason I know I succeeded is I'm still here.

If you went back to sleep, you'd have to go.

They keep the knives sharp for your return.

Mental knives.

The witches have a physical knife.

I can't go back to sleep.

There's no way.

They'd need some serious sleeping pills for that to happen.

They have tried everything.

Who?

Scientists.

They try to put you back to sleep but the heavy narcotics to get you there will kill you.

Society tried burning, sacrificing you on a cross, and locking you up.

Have they tried castration and emasculation?

No, that's next.

That's how they will try and put you back to sleep.

Stop with the stories when they cut your dick off, and you go back to being a nobody.

Don't you need an ego for stories?

To act in them, yes.

Write them, no.

Most people sleep through their performance.

There's nothing that says you can't be an actor even though you know you are acting.

Everyone else doesn't know they are acting.

If you know you are acting and you are not scared of the dark, then you know you are awake.

Castañeda and Coelho picked power when they got to that point.

They thought the ring was theirs to grab.

You left it alone.

You are content with mediocrity.

The mediocre god.

Writer.

Mediocre writer.

Indeed.