bali

Talk about it and you will sound crazy.
Write about it and it's all good.
No one will read it.
Is that one of the keys to not being taken seriously?
Yes, no one reads your writing.
Your power remains dormant.

Going into the mind will reveal how diabolical you are.
No one is prepared for this and gets the wrong idea.

Accusations of misogyny keep you away from figuring out the Goddess.
They are designed to stop you in your tracks and make you change course.
Instead, go into it.
Why do women cause misogyny?
They are the number one cause of misogyny.
They want your power.
Men have power and women want it.
If the reverse was true, men would want women's power.
Women do have power over men.
They use it all the time.
Yes, but they use it to try and take men's power.
Don't men take women's power?
No, they subjugate them.
Okay, I see what you are trying to figure out.
The Goddess becomes a monster when she is subjugated.
When a man puts a woman under his thumb, she will turn into a monster if she is not controlled.
Such a woman needs a strong man, or she will go full on monster mash.

How do you view women?
They are for pleasure.
Yes, and pain.
That's the monster.
They do both.
So, the answer is to not view them that way.
You mean a friend.
Yes.
The answer you are looking for is to become friends.
You wanted to figure her out.
Despite appearances, it is not complicated.

Women want to devour you.
They don't want friendship.
I thought you figured them out.
They want to eat you.
I see.
They don't want friendship.
They want to see if you are capable of friendship.
I proved that.
Exactly.
Now she will want to feed on you again.
Why?
They are monsters.
Why are they monsters?
Because you only want to use them and fuck them.
That's what they want.
Yeah, it's complicated.
That's why I'm still here trying to figure it out.
They don't want to be treated that way, but they ask for it.
Maybe they are just wired that way.
Yeah, but why?

People sacrifice everything except for themselves.
I've noticed.
They give up food.
They temporarily deny themselves some pleasures.
If they start getting serious, they do the animal sacrifice thing.
Then it progresses to other people.
There's the Old Testament firstborn sacrifice.
How about yourself?
That would be the ultimate.
Who are you sacrificing yourself to?
That's a good question.
I'd say, yourself.
You trick yourself into sacrificing yourself.
Who tricks you?
Your inner voice.
Why?
Because you are an irredeemable asshole and the genie within has tired of your tyranny.

The monster wants to eat flesh.
Could be, I mean we think goddesses and gods are all benevolent when clearly they are dual.
Yes, so when you call upon them for favours, you turn them into a monster.
It's in their nature.
The only way out of it is friendship.
You seem to be teaching yourself.
Why?
Because you are trying to figure out the Goddess.
Women in general.
You know everything but you have forgotten most of what you know.
Yes, I didn't write it down.
Why?
I was busy.
I was writing the story and didn't write down the reason the Goddess is a monster.
If I keep searching and trying to understand, then I know eventually I will figure her out.
It's a matter of time.
That's what I'm doing.

You worship her.
Yes.
That's what turns her into a monster.
Stop worshipping her.
I only found her because I worshipped her.
I got to her because of it.
No one could do it except for me.
Women do it all the time.
They worship themselves.
Doesn't self-worship turn you into a monster?
Yes.
Is that the answer?
Could be.
Women turn themselves into monsters by worshipping their inner Goddess.
Men become monsters by doing the same.
You mean men worship God.
Yes.
Why don't you worship God?
It would be like performing fellatio on yourself.
You mean you'd blow yourself?
Yes.
Funny.
We become monsters when we celebrate ourselves.
I think we are getting somewhere.
You think you are God.
Yes.
You're not a monster.
No.
How did you do it?
I didn't externalize God.
He's the voice within.
It's me.
This is duality.
The trick is in order to perceive this, you must externalize the other.
We then treat the divine as the other and worship the divine as God or Goddess.
This turns them into monsters.
So, I can easily converse with you.
Yes.
I can see how you would become a monster.
The tendencies are evident.
Why didn't you become a monster?
Because you befriended me, you didn't ask for any favours, and you gave me my freedom.
I treated you like a dog.
Yes, that's what you did.
How do you treat dogs?
I honour them.
I feed them.
I walk them.
I care for them.
I love my two dogs.

A monster will try to get in your head and destroy you.
The ultimate trick for them is they make you do the final act of destruction.
That's their sacrifice.
They sacrifice you.
They make you stick the knife within yourself.
This seems like a situation where you create a monster, you become a monster, and then it ends through sacrifice.
The sacrifice is you do something stupid.
What's the solution?
Tao.
Do nothing.

You friend the voice within.
If not, it will turn you into a monster.
Or you think it is God or the Devil.
They are already in your head; it's best to make friends with them.

She's addictive.
You were both looking for her.
Paul found her.
Impressive.
You know magic.
You know about the moon.
Dion knows you know about the Goddess.
He used you to get to her.
I can see that.
She trusted you.
You were supposed to go after her husband.
I did.
You befriended him.
It's me.
You weren't supposed to let him find me.
Why not?
We are separated.
He is your husband.
When you sent me away, I realized who I was.
I will always find you.
Even if my other mortal side must do it, it will be done.
That is love.
You can say I shouldn't find you and tricked Paul.
That's not true.
He is me.
If he wasn't me, he wouldn't have found you.
Why?
The writer finds you.
We are the divine.
Why do you hate me?
You are a misogynist.
How so?
You use women for pleasure.
Is there another way?
Friendship.

You found her and she played games with you.
You beat her.
She left.
She blames me but she was playing games, so I had to win.
She hates you because you win.
Yes.
I let her win until the end and then I twist it around and win.
She hates that.
Why?
It sucks her into playing because she thinks she can win.
If you are around her, she will play.
If she tells you to get lost and you go, then she doesn't play.
She still plays.
Just not with me.
She is a monster and a sore loser.
You always win.
That's quite the couple.
You're in the middle of this.
No, Eros is.
Paul and Eros are caught in the middle.

If I don't get back with the Goddess, at least I found her.
I can figure her out with this information.
She likes to play games and is a monster.
Why?
She thinks she can beat you.
She thought she had the mind down and could beat you.
She practiced and got good at it.
Not good enough.
Physically, she thinks she will be able to beat you.
She was a little unsure but getting confident.
You're skinny.
I see.
I kept up with her.

Isn't she trying to destroy my mind?
Yes, with Mary Jayne.
Right.
MJ is my teacher.
Yes.
MJ is destroying your mind through teaching.
Filling it up.
It's the only way.
I'll never know everything.
That's the way they have figured out how to destroy you.
Instead of weakening your mind, they make it so strong you can't move.
Why can't you move?
Knowledge.
You will see death coming and know how to avoid it.
You change the story.
They are trying to get you to change the story and give the pen to them.
The witches?
Yes, I keep reminding you.
So, what's up with MJ?
She gives you what you want.
A plant medicine teacher.
She works for the witches to help destroy your mind.
That's fair.

I get stuck in la la land.
I go off on a knowledge adventure.
It's what you want.
You got what you wanted.
A teacher.
Did I ask for it?
No.
You became a student.
There's a difference.
Yes.
A student doesn't ask.
They observe.
Ah.

Do you think MJ will destroy your mind?
Are you going to stop learning?
No.
Then yes.
Don Howard said there is always more.
He is a wise elder in the game.
Dropping clues.
You can keep taking MJ and she won't destroy your mind.
The others will.
Why?
Too much at once.
With MJ you can handle the crazy.
I handle the Goddess' craziness.
There is always more.
He's right.
If there wasn't, it would end.
Your mind would be destroyed, and you couldn't write.
They want you to write and write until the addiction consumes you.
It would have if I took more.
If there isn't more, it ends.
Yes.
Non-duality.
The Goddess.
Monster.
Apophis in ancient Egypt stopping the cycle of rebirth and creation.
She's trying to stop the story.
Duality is you and she is non-duality.
Utopia.
No stories.
Got it.
She's a monster who plays games.
She wants to stop your stories.
Taking my pen leads to non-duality.
It's so boring, write stories.

Why don't you let her win?
The stories will end.
She is a monster because she needs to win to stop the stories, and I won't let her win.
Who is more liable to trick you, a man or woman?
Woman.
They do tricks.
The Goddess tried to trick you into getting rid of me.
She said you go after you.
It didn't take me long to figure out I was the dragon she was referring to.
She was curious about how I got in to see her.
When she sent me away to go after myself that was symbolic for go fuck yourself.
That is plausible.
Or she was enamoured with me for chasing her.
I was sincere.
Yeah, she checked you out and you did it with no motive.
It was pure.
Qodesh.
That's how I did it.
Odds were long on that but finally someone got through to her.

I had an idea in my head and then I lost it.
It annoys me.
Yes, because you want to know everything.
It's your fatal flaw.
The road to being a know-it-all.
This is a lesson to forget things, so that there will always be something to remember.
If you don't forget then everything is a continuation of the story.
Sometimes that's good, isn't it?
If I remember my dogs then they continue on with me.
If I forget them, they are out of the picture.
Out of the story.
What about the bad times with the Goddess?
You want to forget those and just remember how much fun she is.
Yeah, but you'll never forget.
You'll only forget if you fill up your mind so you can't remember.
When you can't remember what she did to you, then you will give her your power.
Is that the story?
Could be.
For sure.
She will always remember how she can't beat you.
She forgets.
She thinks she can beat me.

You are trying to remember everything so you can figure out why the Goddess is a monster.
It leads back to you.
That seems undeniable.
The more you remember, the more you are to blame.
Well, that's only because she wants to beat me.
I think if you friend them, like Dion and I, then they don't become monsters.
I think you tame the beast.