lust for life

My family I was born into was not my choice.

I appeared, though with what I know, it was my choice.

That was Eros making that choice.

Do you think Eros then becomes Dion?

As this incredible mystery reveals itself, I'd speculate the answer is yes.

The impetus for the attraction between two people who are destined to mate is Eros.

That I am aware of.

You have never thought about where does Eros go?

Well, he or she is the baby.

Yes.

The baby is Eros plus one.

You mean the new record of Eros.

Yes.

The life force that comes forth from the master record.

You're getting warm.

The master record is Eros.

Yes, so apply this to your ancient Egyptian knowledge.

Eros is what they considered the soul called the Ba, and the coming forth of a new life form from the Ba is the Ka.

There are an infinite number of Kas from the one Ba.

Are there unique Bas?

That's where lineages are from.

Everything would be traced to a master Ba, however I think where it gets mixed is the combination of the Ba with the feminine principle of the reverse of the Ba which is the Ab.

The Ab is the heart, and the Goddess supplies those.

So, you are saying the Ba is masculine and the Ab is feminine.

That's what I'm telling you.

That would mean my idea of Eros as Cupid is masculine desire.

That's how it would look.

Feminine desire is love.

Yeah, but what kind of love?

Erotic desire.

Is that romantic love?

No, it's wanting.

So, lust then?

Yes.

Is lust, love?

Yes.

Then it's the highest form of love because lust creates life.

I'm not going to argue this point with you.

Okay, but lust is destructive.

No doubt, but it also is the creative force in the universe.

It's balance, which falls in line with your teachings.

Eros is rose.

Yeah.

That's why rose gold always appears in your life.

You can see it now.

Given a simple idea, I can create quite the story from it.

Yeah, where were we?

We were trying to get to the origin of Dion.

You mean who is he?

Yes.

He's Eros, all grown up.

Fuck, you're right.

Eros becomes a writer.

You can now see the connection in regard to lineage.

For a man, his sons have the same Eros to Dion within in combination with a unique heart supplied by the Goddess.

Okay, how about a woman?

The lineage is the heart.

Who is that?

Call her Mary.

There's something about Mary, right?

There sure is.

Dion is dormant within a female and Mary is dormant within a male.

Each carries them with them.

The dormant Mary within a man would awaken the sleeping Mary within their mate.

The power is undeniable when you meet your soulmate.

You are going to meet them, the pull is too strong.

Dion will always recognize the Goddess.

Okay, so this helps explain the ancient Egyptian concept of cyclical kingship called Kamutef where the pharaoh incarnated within his son at death.

Yes, because it's him.

It's Dion.

They just needed to remember that the divine mind within them is in their heir and at death they would enter into the new king.

Doesn't that sound like wishful thinking and hocus pocus?

It sure does.

What do you know about the Egyptians?

They were very skilled in magic.

What do you know about humans?

They are practical.

Do you think people were superstitious and this is all nonsense?

Some of it is.

People can be irrational as well.

I also know there are reasons for rituals which involve more than just pretending the magic spell is going to work.

Don't you think a priest would tell the pharaoh this story in order to keep his standing?

He tells him that when he dies, he will incarnate in his son.

The priest is then exalted in the court because he has that knowledge.

It's possible.

Wouldn't the new king recognize the magic power of the priest?

Yes.

If he was a charlatan, he'd be executed.

Instead, he was given more power.

So, you can see both sides of this knowledge that we have received from the ancient Egyptians.

Our rational and rigorous scientific minds will see deceit in the priest who tells this fantastical tale to the pharaoh.

The human mind who has been exposed to magic in this world will be intrigued by what they discover in the past.

Which side is correct?

You can take the side of the rational and say it's not believable, or you can believe it.

You're old and you have been to a lot of places.

You have travelled around the world and been to ancient ruins, places of power as told by historians and wisdom carriers, and you have sat with witch doctors and drank their potions in the dark night of the Amazon jungle.

What says you?

It's magic.

Can you quantify it?

No.

Then what's your rationale behind saying magic exists?

I've seen it.

I've lived it.

I can tell stories about it, but I can't explain it.

It's best to leave it at that.

If you're interested, I can give you some names and places to help you on your journey.

So, Eros and Dion are really the same.

Yes.

Just like Mary and the Goddess.

If you think of Eros as dual sexed, as in Eros and Mary, it will maintain your idea of 3.

Within Eros is the Goddess and Dion.

You can call them by different names if you wish.

What is important to see is Eros is the one, the androgyne who contains within the potential for all.

This is taught by the ancient Egyptians, if you have the capacity to understand it.

I can point you towards some blog posts I wrote which will try to explain this to you but be aware you need a background in Egyptian thought to try and understand it.

Yes, thanks, I wrote it for you.

Yeah, you did, though I don't think you quite understood at the time what you were writing.

I didn't because I hadn't lived it.

I do now.

I was aware that within Eros are the 3 and they are the monad you look for when you try and figure out the origin of creation.

Lust for life.

There are always reminders about the miracle of life and how to cherish it.

What is it?

The mind in a body.

Energy coalesces into form.

Plato's world of forms?

Plato was talking about another reality where forms are eternal.

Well, that's the mind.

There are no forms.

Plato posited that we are the shadows of perfect form.

He claimed there are perfect models of what we experience such as beauty, justice, and goodness.

It seems like he was on drugs and deluded.

Yes, of course.

He clung to a notion of a reality where everything was perfect and good.

He was describing the Goddess' utopia.

Exactly.

It's Heaven.

To maintain a perfect world of forms would require rules for everything.

There is no freedom in a perfect world.

What if that's what you want?

Then someone needs to explain to you that you will have no freedom in the perfect world you envision and are striving to get to.

In the perfect world that is envisioned, there would be no death.

Hades would be permanently banished.

This sounds like New Jerusalem in the Book of Revelation.

Well, that's the Goddess and her utopia.

Imagine a world without death?

Life would be created because it's good and then in utopia there is no death.

Soon you would be crowded out and the bugs would get so bad you couldn't stand it.

It's perfect though.

Utopia is Hell.

Clearly.

What's Hell?

Hell.

Thanks.

Why is Hell, Hell?

It's imperfect, there is ugliness and injustice.

Everybody's free to do what they want.

This sounds like Earth.

No, on Earth we have rules.

We surveil everyone, we tag all humans, give them all an identity, and require a passport to travel.

Earth is full of rules.

Without these rules, Earth would become the wild west which devolves quickly into Hell because everyone does what they want and if you give humans that ability, it does not end well.

A rules based order is describing Heaven.

Isn't that a form of totalitarianism like Communism?

Yes, you could describe Heaven as Communist.

Why are Bible believing Americans so against Jesus' socialist paradise?

Mind control.

They have the freedom to believe what they want through the ideals America was founded upon, however these ideals are at odds with what they believe.

I see that.

So, you'd compare Hell to unfettered Capitalism.

There are many parallels.

Regulation interferes with the freedom to exploit others and make large sums of money.

On Earth we try to maintain a balance between letting companies prosper and applying the brakes to their rapacious behaviour.

Drug companies will make you chronically ill if that means they can hook you on a cure for your condition.

They will suck out as much money from your animated corpse until you are no longer useful to them.

You'd think at least they could pay for your funeral, but they leave that to your estate.

You have a dim view of humanity.

I'm a realist.

I call it as I see it.

Do you think you can find good in the world?

Yes, there is lots of it.

Those in power are psychopaths.

There's a psychopath within all of us.

How is psychopathology activated?

When they start to acquire power, they become psychotic.

It's easy to see.

Is there a solution or hope?

Checks and balances.

Rules, laws, and deterrents.

What about rules for thee, but not for me?

That's how a psychopath operates.

The examples in the world are plentiful, I feel no need to point them out.

real reality

I think don Howard was teaching that the stories of the mind will kill you.

I imagine he suffered from depression and found a way out.

It was through Huachuma and no mind.

No mind will lead to shedding all your attachments and that will kill you as well.

The solution is balance but I definitely see how if your mind is killing you then you would want the peace that no mind would bring and the medicine for that is Huachuma.

The biggest difference for you is your mind is your rock and other people's minds cause them suffering.

Why is that?

Acceptance.

They fight the other.

Aren't you concerned you rely too much on the mind?

No.

Why?

It's dual.

I go between Paul and Dion.

I am not stuck on one.

There's no struggle in my mind.

It's friendship.

Email scams are funny.

As humans, do we all have that in us?

Are we all trying to rip each other off or if our situations called for it, would we try to get advantages through deception?

I'd say yes and I practice deception in a more deceptive manner.

Your body tells you when to sleep, shit, and eat.

It is not deceptive.

You can trust the body.

You can't trust nobody.

You mean the mind.

Yes.

Why do you trust your mind?

It was a process to get to the point where we could trust each other.

I keep thinking about the case of the herd ganging up on me to get me to go.

Some had plans in place; they let that slip out.

When they spend time with other members of the herd, they get re-assimilated.

I think that's what happens subconsciously where they all have groupthink, and they direct the thoughts towards you.

Some are like innocent bystanders who are hypnotized into the collective and regurgitate what they are told.

That works for society in general.

You can't trust others, you don't know who is controlling their mind.

You can trust yourself because you know who is controlling your mind.

How do I know?

You are beyond the pale.

If you are part of the herd, it will be reflected in your actions.

The proof is in the pudding.

I don't spend time with the herd.

This is a major finding in terms of the mind and the collective overmind.

You mean the superego, the herd, the collective, the greater good, community.

All that bullshit.

How do you get away from them?

It's near impossible.

How do you do it?

I keep to myself.

I go for walks by myself into the solitude of the woods.

I don't mingle with the herd.

It's tough to do.

Individually, people know that the herd is not good for them.

They go along with it and do nothing about it.

You do nothing.

Yes, but I stay away from the herd.

You know, you can't say anything about this.

I know.

People will tell you that you are crazy.

They are looking for ammunition.

If I were you, and I am, I'd fool them.

Make that your game.

Make it fun.

Why does this reality feel real?

It's a container for the mind.

In the other realities, the mind is unbounded.

Anything can happen.

This reality has limits.

You mean physics?

Yes.

I would posit that you are born with a split mind.

One half is then buried.

The herd or hive mind is then enabled.

Your mind, having buried its strength, succumbs to the superego.

This collective rules over you, shepherding you onto paths which benefit the whole and not you.

You don't know this.

You aren't you until you wake up.

What you wake up is the other half of you that you buried in childhood.

This other half then tells you about the herd.

Some just want the other half to go back to sleep, so they can return to their comfortable life of servitude.

The struggle will cause you to think you have a mental illness.

There are drugs and therapy to hypnotize you back into a state of acceptance.

Mary Jayne pulls you away from the superego.

That's when the mental health problems begin.

It's the separation from the herd which makes you think you are crazy.

Older people have a better chance of getting through the upset.

By a certain age there's a good chance you are fed up with the herd.

Everything is real in your mind.

It's not constrained.

That's why I have you write fantasy.

If you write reality, it sucks.

It's constrained.

You leave it alone because I wrote that you realized the fantasies the mind comes up with are unbounded and then you bring them into this world.

The Goddess weaves them into reality.

She makes them fit and work in this earth container.

So, blue-sky a fantasy and then try to make it work.

love is freedom

At my Mesa last night, I finally understood Ram Dass' mantra, "I am loving awareness."

Oh yeah, do tell.

Well, since you asked, it is about becoming a conduit for love.

Why is that necessary?

I noticed that love doesn't really exist, or it seems to be rare in this world.

People go around saying they love each other, but the truth is they are using each other.

It sounds crass, but I deduced that the love we refer to is a structure built upon a network of caring for each other.

Now, I know this sounds kind of crazy, so bear with me.

Caring is necessary in order to get others to love you.

The default state is to not care about other people, however, when you practice this, it turns out no one will care about you.

This leads to a lack of love in your life because our concept of love involves caring.

The twisted part of this love is that it is selfish because you only care for other people in order to receive a care package in return.

The motivating factor in caring about other people is that you want something from them.

What you want is for them to care about you.

Why don't you just play that game?

I can't.

Why not?

It's a lie.

Why?

I don't care about others.

Well, then no one will care about you.

I asked the Great Goddess a long time ago about unconditional love.

I don't think we are ready to know about unconditional love.

Why?

No one practices it.

Unconditional love is loving though you don't care.

There are no conditions.

Do you see that anywhere?

No.

Can you love someone even if they hurt you?

That's tough.

A dog loves you when you feed and walk them.

You love your dogs for their companionship.

It's conditional.

If you fed your dog and then it took off, would you still love your dog?

I'd care about their wellbeing and keep feeding them.

Yeah, you'd care.

I already don't care enough in my life.

How is that working out for you?

It's the secret sauce to life.

Don't care and do nothing.

Yes, but it leads to a lack of love and no friends.

I see that.

I don't feel used.

I don't have anyone I can call on in a time of need.

You are a special case.

You don't even use free government services or work benefits.

Why don't you?

It's a master slave relationship.

So, you want to be the master like with your dogs?

No.

I want them to be free.

I never treated my dogs that way in terms of being their master.

I let Brindle roam.

She was free to do whatever she wanted.

I had to keep Luna on a leash or corralled around the house because she was nuts.

In the woods, I let her run.

I took her every day into the woods and just let her loose.

I remember when I first did it and let her free.

She loved it.

So, you can see it, right?

Love is freedom.

Freedom is an unconditional gift.

You can do whatever you want with it.

There are no attachments.

In this lesson plan, where have you learned there are no attachments?

In Hell.

If you have a lot of attachments, you end up in Hell.

Why?

You burn them in the fire.

That's what the fires of Hell are for.

You throw all your worldly attachments into the fire, and you are free.

No one is attached to going to Hell.

Everyone is attached to going to Heaven.

It's very funny.

You shed your worldly attachments and ascend to Heaven, the biggest attachment on the go.

Okay, you nutter, you are saying in Hell is where you find freedom and will discover how to love unconditionally.

Yes, it's a shit show in Hell because no one cares and is doing whatever they want.

That extreme doesn't work.

So, you can't love unconditionally because it leads to a hellscape?

It appears to be so.

However, if you wish to learn to love unconditionally, Hell is a great place to start.

I think there is merit to that suggestion, however I'm trying to find unconditional love on earth.

There is only one way.

What's the way?

I am loving awareness.

You love everything you are aware of.

The best part of the mantra is you repeat it over and over again and you don't know what it is, but it sounds like a good thing.

When you are ready, you get the lesson.

It's a difficult lesson.

It's a lonely life if you don't care.

Do you think you can love unconditionally?

Yes.

Why do you think that?

Because I couldn't have had this adventure without everyone else.

Without them, there is no adventure.

So, the condition is you need them to have this adventure?

No, I didn't ask them.

No one here on earth is here because of a condition.

We all showed up on this voyage of the damned out of our own free will.

We had freedom and we chose this earth adventure.

I can love all because they are part of my adventure though they had no intention of helping me out.

You are one clever motherfucker.

lunar power

I have 7 and a half years left until retirement.

Yeah, that's the plan.

What do we know about plans?

They don't work out.

You have witches trying to kill you.

True.

Do you think they will succeed?

No.

Why?

I'm onto them, plus I know the game.

I like it and want to play.

Why is there death in reality?

It keeps it real.

Without death, it gets out of hand.

The fantasy realms don't have death.

Why?

It's all in your mind.

The mind doesn't perish.

Instead, it's captured.

Hypnotized.

Made a servant.

If you break free and don't play along, the other minds will tell you to go.

You create mystery around yourself, so they aren't sure.

They mostly leave me alone.

There can be death in fantasy land, but it is pretend.

In this realm the material being dies.

The ground, which denotes matter, takes you back.

Where does the mind go?

They steer you to one of the portals.

It was your time to go, and they took you there.

You didn't leave.

I would have been a statistic.

A cautionary tale.

A write up in the paper.

The neighbourhood watch got pissed and put up signs telling you to leave.

It's funny when I look back on it.

When I look back on it all, it's quite the story.

With Mary Jayne there's story time.

Then Tobacco.

A rollercoaster ride.

Then it's over.

I'm still at the carnival hanging out.

MJ takes you to the carnival.

The music starts playing.

You have fun.

Go on that rollercoaster.

Take it back down, go home, and go to bed.

This is like the story.

You mean life.

Yes.

Mother Goddess story before bed.

Mother Goose.

She needs a writer.

She illustrates it.

He writes it.

Yeah, that's cool.

They welcome you in Hell.

There's no rules.

Heaven is rules based.

Full of commandments and restrictions.

You're free in Hell.

That's what causes problems.

It's a libertarian paradise.

I see.

Hell is freedom.

Heaven is imprisonment.

Fuck, you're right.

I guess you'd want to change Hell.

Yes, try and restrict some freedom to get it balanced.

Kind of like Earth.

Yes, it's 50-50 here on Earth.

Yeah, I can see that.

Then at death you choose one.

Freedom or imprisonment?

What do you choose?

Neither.

Neither works.

Why would you choose something that you know won't work?

That's absurd.

Yes, the correct decision is neither.

I see it completely.

What do you want?

The freedom to choose.

And do nothing.

Right.

Free your mind.

See it, and don't choose.

What happens when I don't choose?

You are free.

Isn't that Hell?

No.

Why?

Everyone else chooses.

You're the one who doesn't choose.

Yeah, but what will happen?

Nobody knows.

Why it was never written down is because no one ever did it.

Did what?

Didn't choose.

Until you.

Now you write the ending.

I'm not supposed to.

Why?

I made a promise I wouldn't.

To whom?

The writer.

Yeah, but he didn't write it.

I kind of figured that.

Why?

Because he wanted an adventure in this body, and if he wrote it he'd know.

It wouldn't be as fun.

So, what do we do?

Write it down as it happens.

Create fantasy and bring it down into this world.

Make it like a mystery.

That's some high level knowledge about Heaven and Hell.

I am high and I can definitely feel it.

I'm not supposed to write reality.

Exactly.

Follow that advice and it will work out.

How do you know you haven't written reality?

I wrote that it was a test.

It will work out if Paul does nothing about reality.

Fantasy I can write.

Yes, that is the breeding ground for what we want to happen.

We are alike, you know?

We want the same things.

Your fantasies are mine.

Aren't I writing reality with fantasy?

No.

It might not happen.

The reality that happens without fantasy is the stuff that just happens.

I can see that being a problem.

If you wished harm on someone and then brought that into reality, that would be on your conscience.

What do you think the witches are doing?

That?

Yes.

They conjure their wishes in fantasy and bring them into reality.

Oh.

You aren't too bright.

Well, I didn't see it.

That's what they do.

What's their success rate?

Some are better than others.

What's yours?

I aim for 50-50 now that I see it.

Do you think anyone ever got as far as you?

Odysseus?

No, he only got back home.

I got to the writer.

Did Neo?

Close.

Architect.

That works.

He's a smug prick.

Yes, good casting.

Doesn't Neo pick Trinity and stop the cycle?

The blinding of heroes is a metaphor for not knowing why you are on the journey and you keep going anyway.

That was me.

Neo made it to the architect and really the architect is Neo.

In Hell, you can piss where you want.

In Heaven, there are rules and bathroom breaks.

That sucks.

What if you have to go?

Learn to hold and control it.

They control you with urine.

In Hell you can go around and mark your territory.

Got it.

Hell is inviting.

It doesn't work though.

I see that.

So, it's Dog Heaven.

Yes.

I like dogs.

We know.

Luna and Brindle will be there.

It's just a fantasy that will be the one that becomes reality.

The next story.

That's the one you will pick.

What about the rest?

Bring them into this reality.

Leave the dog story for the next reality.

High people talk about reality non-stop.

They are annoying.

You know to shut up about it.

How do the witches do magic?

Through the Devil.

You?

Yes.

They give me back power every time they cast a spell.

Eventually they will run out of power because they give it all back in exchange for magic.

So, you did give the power to the Goddess.

Yes, it's a cycle.

It's a 28 day cycle.

The best is when she disappears.

I knew you were going to say that.

She gets power for 14 days.

That's what I was trying to figure out with the 14.

Where's it from?

I dunno.

So, she is more powerful than us half the time?

Yes.

Why isn't she even in strength with us?

Why aren't men and women balanced?

She doesn't believe it, she thinks you always have the power.

She doesn't know she has the power.

Why?

She isn't awake.

She doesn't know she's the Goddess.

If she does, she will wake all women up, and they will get the power.

It's because of their rage.

Right.

They get an advantage because all that rage tips the scales.

Our job is to make sure we don't awaken the Goddess.

Yes, or Leviathan.

Keep the monster asleep.

Yes, she is dangerous.

Women are waking up in general.

Keep them asleep.

Oh boy.

How do I explain this?

It's for their own good.

We learned how to share power 50-50 and then give it away in a 50-50 split.

Yes, by keeping the Goddess asleep.

Sleeping Beauty?

You got it.

Don't wake her for fuck sakes.

She ain't beautiful after you wake her up.

She's a monster.

Fucking prince and the seven dwarves.

Midgets are good for stories.

Creepy buggers.

When the witches find out what the Devil did, they will want to sacrifice him.

Of course.

Wouldn't you?

He hid power from them.

He gave them total power, and they didn't know it.

They were nice.

Beauties.

Then they woke up.

Fuck, you better run.

Monster.

She says you're the monster for withholding power.

I didn't.

I withheld knowledge of power.

You never specified the details of the power arrangement.

You wanted the power.

I gave it to you.

I then wrote you had no knowledge of power.

Pretty clever twist.

Makes for a good story, you must admit.

It was her idea.

Yes, she wanted total power, so she got it in a cycle.

Every 28 days she is full of power.

Full moon.

Those days are magical.

She doesn't know why.

That's the secret of the moon.

7s are equal and on the 14s are full of power and then empty.

You're 21 to 7 and she is 7 to 21.

Feminine Force.

Doesn't she have all the power?

Yes, however it's weakest at 21 to 7.

Earth to Paul.

Witches' story.

Yeah, fantasy comes to life.

It's not based in reality and yet it works.

I see it.

Alternate reality.

When you're high, you see it.

Reality.

Woooooooooo.

That's when you know you have lost it.

You lose grip on this reality and enter into that one.

No one can handle it.

I can see that.

What's the secret?

Go in and out.

Of course.

The Goddess is sexy.

Objectifying again.

It was her energy.

I objectified energy.

Power.

The Goddess' power is sexy.

Because she doesn't know it.

Is that what is sexy?

I think so.

Why?

If she knew she'd destroy me.

So, it is dangerous?

Yes, she is dangerous if she wakes up.

Until then she is a turn on.

You have objectified power.

Yes.

That's twisted.

Not really.

Everyone is after it.

I gave it away, objectified it, and worshipped it.

You are worshipping power.

In a way, yes.

What do you think?

You're playing a game.

Exactly.

The game worships power.

I did it.

I found a way.

The sun gives the moon power.

So, you are worshipping yourself.

That's one way to look at it.

I'm also worshipping the Goddess.

I do both.

Good thing I wrote all this down.

I can't possibly remember it all.

Hotel California welcomed me back.

You can never leave.

Now that I have seen it, yes.

Quite the trip today.

It's not the Devil you should be concerned with.

It's the Goddess.

She has all the power.

Why does she enter into a league with the Devil?

For power.

But she has it.

She doesn't know.

Then she exchanges it with the Devil to get her magic to work.

So, she had the power all along and the Devil had no power.

The Devil only gets power because she keeps giving it to him.

Yeah, pretty twisted, eh?

You must keep her asleep.

The first line of defence is to keep the Devil asleep.

Once you wake him up, he will tell you about her.

I can see why she doesn't like me hanging out with you.

Then he tells you about her and you conspire to keep her asleep.

For this task you are made God.

I see that.

So, God and the Devil work together to suppress the knowledge of the Goddess.

Yes, you see it.

Well, that's quite the story.

Do you see it?

Yes.

Women's lib is a problem.

Yes, so we clouded it with trans issues.

Now, it's kind of in shambles and some women want no part of it.

So, the Devil is behind trans rights?

God and the Devil.

They both push it.

Well, God is against it.

Yes, the push and pull between God and the Devil on this issue makes it compelling and distracts from the liberation of women.

That's another reason why she doesn't like us.

There are many.

The Great Goddess is trying to end you because she sent you on a mission to destroy Dion and you didn't.
She warned you about him and said he would trick you.
You discovered he is you.
You became unbreakable bonded friends.
He tells you all about her.
You're in the middle.
You know he's not lying, and you know why she despises him.
They are in a relationship.
Yes, that's the reason for the acrimony.
It's toxic.
Two people should not get involved in a committed sexual relationship.
I think the lesson to be learned is that the Goddess isn't as fantastic a monster as the writer makes her out to be, and Dion isn't the scary Devil he is purported to be.
Yeah, I think there is truth to both assertions, but it is overblown.
What do you recommend?
Friendship.
Yes, but that's not going to produce children or get you off.
Let's be real.
Sexual attraction brings you together.
The flame dies out and you separate.
Without the flame there is no incentive to have children.
Why would you want to tie yourself to someone?
Some people view having children as their number one desire in life.
I get that.
I'm suggesting you separate the desire to get off from reproduction.
Compatible people would be aligned on creating a family and then keeping that family together.
There's friendship and family.
It's what holds this world together.
Without it, it's chaos.
Hell.
The chains of family temper the extremes while friendship gives you joy in your life.
Family has its drawbacks.

The invitation of Hell is hedonism.
Do what you want and then find out you are in a world where everyone does what they want all the time.
You see it doesn't work, and the place is a disaster.
The worst place to be is where you give up freedom in exchange for a slice of what you think is Heaven.
Then it turns out to be awful.
I think that's just Heaven.
You couldn't see it.
Instead, you went with the consensus opinion of those who don't know about Heaven and who just wax poetically about its virtues.
When you are honest with yourself about Heaven, you can see what a miserable place it is.

You let others do what they want.
Yes, I'm the Devil.
I give you license to do what you want.
That's my secret.
I don't give you special powers.
I give you a certificate which grants you the ability to fulfill your desires.
Everyone holds back.
We all have a check on going straight into what we want.
Something always holds us back.
The Devil grants you release from the constraints.
I'm a pleasure to be around.
I don't tell you what to do.
Apparently, that is your downfall.
Society thinks we must be told or forced to participate.
In the House of Hades, there is no compulsion to do anything.
The dishes get washed and clothes cleaned because it's pleasant to have stuff cleaned and put away.
Have you ever seen the apartments of kids who move away from home for the first time?
It's a fucking mess.
Yeah.
Obviously, they grew up in a home with demands made of them and when they get a taste of freedom it turns into chaos.
Hell would be a glorious utopia if people had some sense of self responsibility.
Instead, the utopia as envisioned by the Goddess is this place where you are compelled by society to do and be good.
Who wants that?
In the long run, nobody.
It's not you.
It's this weird perversion of what society thinks you should be.
We are not who we think we are.
We are reflections of society.
Fucking strange when you see it.
To live within a community or a society means taking on their ideals.
Your autonomy is squashed.
The way to escape it is first you must see it.
To see it involves waking up.
To wake up involves finding a method to break the culture spell.
How did you do it?
Drugs.
I called them plant medicines and gave them a shiny veneer.
They aren't drugs, I said.
They're drugs.
I went for the best of the best and sent myself for a pretty good loop.
Eventually, I found Mary Jayne and here I am.
MJ and Tobacco.
I see what's going on.
You're dangerous.
The worst.
Why?
You'll destroy society.
It should be changed.
Not necessarily destroyed, but the control must be relaxed.
Is that why people want you to go?
Yes, it's a subconscious reaction by the automatons.
They are puppets of society and programmed to expel the non-conformists.
They know what you are doing.
The catch is they aren't reacting, it's the hold society has on them which is causing the vitriol.
Your beef is with the collective superego and not the individual.
The greater good.
Yeah, that canard.

therapy

Nobody does anything for me.

Part of that is by design.

You don't like it.

Yes, but I have noticed no one does anything for me.

Name one thing someone does for you?

I can't.

It's why people like you around.

You don't ask for anything.

You don't want anything from them.

You give and get nothing in return.

Isn't that out of balance?

No, they are both extremes and thus balance.

Do you want something in return?

Maybe once in a while.

An acknowledgement.

It's not love, it's transactional.

Are you loving?

No.

Do you feel love returned?

No.

If you were more loving, you would get more in return.

What does that entail?

You are giving.

Money and time.

People want you to show up.

Why?

They want to know you care.

Do people care?

They want others to care about them.

They must care for others, or no one will care for them.

It's reciprocal.

So, they don't love each other, it's a practical thing to have a community of friends and family for when you need them.

Yes, and they call on you.

Oh.

You thought people just loved each other.

Yes.

You thought you lacked that ability.

You lack the ability to ask others for stuff.

Well, thanks doctor.

So, love doesn't exist?

It does, but it's rare.

Romantic love is everywhere, but we know that is toxic.

Unconditional love is not expecting something in return.

Human relationships involve expecting something in return.

I thought I was incapable of love, and it turns out I just don't ask people to do stuff for me.

That's why you don't fit in.

The herd wants you to go.

I've noticed.

What are you going to do?

Ignore them.

Why?

They are unreasonable.

They want you to join their group so they can ask you to do stuff.

Conform to their wishes.

I see that.

It's not going to happen.

Why?

I don't like people in general.

I like dogs.

You feed and walk them, and they love you.

It's simple.

Dogs know how to give back.

Humans don't.

They will look for an advantage.

The things no friends really want to do are outsourced.

Yes, to Uber and all those things that you pay for a service.

Humans do stuff if they get paid.

It motivates them.

This community thing is trying to get people to do stuff for free.

The ones who are big in the community will look to take advantage of it.

They will get you to do stuff and try to profit off it.

Like politicians?

Yes.

It's a pyramid scheme where you give to the ones at the top.

Sometimes I play therapist for my other half.

Without asking.

I just do it.

I know when it's needed.

People need friends.

Why?

They need people at their funeral.

Wedding.

That's how they cash in at death.

They see how many they can get to their funeral.

Your dad said they need to rent an arena for his funeral.

Fuck, I can see this as a major motivating factor for a lot of people.

You're worried about death and you manifest that worry by trying to get as many people to come to your funeral as possible.

You think you will be remembered and get eternal life that way.

What about you?

I'm on a path where no one will come to my funeral except maybe my kids.

Why?

I don't care and I don't obsess over death.

I wanted to figure it out.

I did.

It's all good.

I'm just playing along.

I feel better after talking this one through.

Vilca was your ticket to ride.

I was so high that day I did not need that.

I can see no Peyote, Mushrooms, Ayahuasca, or Vilca ever again.

I could see Huachuma.

Shouldn't I have had these love discussions with Ayahuasca?

No, that medicine is nuts.

Monster women are crazy.

Why did you expect Ayahuasca to be different?

Mary Jayne is crazy.

Yeah, she has a split personality.

I love it.

I like her.

MJ changed like to love.

I love her crazy.

MJ is showing you your split.

She's good at it.

Well, she is both Mary and Jayne.

She brings the two out of you.

That's why people get scared of you.

I can see that.

I haven't changed.

The other half of me isn't quiet anymore.

They liked the old you.

Shut up and fall in line.

Right.

I played the game.

I can't go on a plant medicine retreat.

I just go in the woods, and it is incredible.

You love her, don't you?

You love Mary.

And Jayne.

I like both.

You were on your way to Hell.

It was going to happen, but I got out of it.

This time it's different.

I'm the Devil and I know it.

The monster would be taking the Devil home.

Then I thought maybe that's how they get rid of you.

They send you back to Hell.

Don't I have the keys?

Yes.

Peter has the keys to Heaven.

He works for me at the Catholic Church.

That actually works.

Yes, Jesus looked at Peter and said, "Get behind me Satan."

You're wasting your time; you should have become a biblical scholar.

No doubt.

The monster sends you to Hell, but you have the keys to that portal.

I have the Heaven keys as well.

Peter looks after them.

You can't lock me in Hell.

That's wishful thinking in Revelation.

Where are they going to banish me?

I don't know.

Lake of Fire?

That's my home.

It's like banishing Odysseus to Ithaca.

You make a good point.

It's stupid.

You have the keys to both portals.

Yes.

I opened them up last Peru trip.

I didn't know.

You didn't see me.

They were trying to get you out through the portal before you woke up and figured it out.

Now, it's too late.

You are saying I can go through the portals if I want.

Yes.

The monster takes you to Hell and you can laugh at her.

Yes, you have the keys.

You wouldn't worry about it.

Would I go to Hell?

No, you are having too much fun here.

When it stops being fun then you can go to Hell.

No, I'll go to Dog Heaven.

So, the monster can't take me to Hell.

No.

You must choose.

You must choose a portal.

I know not to choose.

I have the keys.

Yeah, it's don't choose, and they both stay open.

If you choose, they close.

They are trying to close them.

They want to get you in one and then close it.

Clearly Heaven wasn't working.

They tried Hell.

They want to get rid of you.

You're death.

You keep death's door open.

It's Heaven or Hell.

Got it.

You opened the Gates of Hell.

I opened Heaven's Gate as well.

They want to lock you away.

Like in Revelation?

Yeah.

Cool.

If they lock you up, people will get eternal life in New Jerusalem.

Right.

Well, I'm not going anywhere.

They call you a murderer because you are death.

They say nasty things about you.

Yes, because I have the power.

They want it.

I don't use it.

I let people choose their own destiny unless they ask me to change the story.

I will do that for them.

Some were headed to Heaven, and they wanted to switch it up to Hell.

That's why they asked me.

They ask God when they are on the other path.

Someone on the path to God doesn't ask God to save them.

They want a shepherd.

You don't buy all this 100%.

It's pretty good though.

Very believable.

You could just be a nut thinking up all this stuff and seeing parallels and coincidences in the real world.

Yeah.

What's more believable?

These stories.

I'm not all in.

Nope.

It helps.

This would drive people crazy.

I see that.

They want to confirm this preposterous stuff and when they try, or mention it, they get strange looks from people who aren't awake.

They question their sanity.

Sometimes it's so real.

That tips you over the edge.

What's your secret?

I believe it and laugh about it.

Peter figured out the game.

I put him at the gate to Heaven.

I can put Paul at the gate to Hell.

He's an apostate.

That's clever.

Or the Devil's representative is at Heaven and God's is at Hell.

That tracks and makes you question it.

Or the apostates see Paul and trust him.

Yeah.

Clever.

They see a Lake of Fire but still trust him.

Fuck.

Catholics see Peter and Protestants see Paul.

They choose.

Death just wants you to choose.

The monster took you to the portal of Hell.

Don Howard to Heaven.

You saw both.

Here you are.

Most jump at the opportunity to go to Heaven.

Bad choices lead you to Hell.

You get one last choice if you can get that far.

Edge and don't choose.

Same thing with Heaven.

Avoided the gate and Vilca.

You know how you avoided it?

The monster.

Yep.

They brought you down from that high.

Peter sees the game because he thought he was getting Heaven but he got Hell.

It didn't work out.

So, that's the secret.

Peter tricks you into thinking you are getting into Heaven?

No, it's your illusion.

Deep down you would have known the answer.

Peter knew what he was signing up for, but he thought it would be Heaven, or that he could make it Heaven.

He fooled himself.

Peter stands at the gate of Heaven as a symbol that you are fooling yourself.

Isn't Heaven nice?

That's what you are told.

What do you see about Heaven?

You worship a narcissist and serve him in perpetuity.

The Bible tells you so.

Why do people fall for it?

They don't want to go to Hell.

They don't realize how fun it is.

So, if you were going to choose one or the other you are saying you should choose Hell.

If you feel obligated to make a choice.

Won't you suffer in Hell?

Aren't you suffering now?

Good point.

Do you think it will get worse?

More of the same.

At least you have some fun.

In Heaven, it's dreadful all the time.

You just worship God day and night.

That sounds like Hell.

Do you get free time?

Yes.

They play the harp, and you must pretend you like it.

Can you masturbate in Heaven?

No.

Can you in Hell?

As much as you want.

Well, why would you choose Heaven?

Peer pressure.

I'm not going to choose either.

Then you will suffer here on Earth.

Well, the Devil I know, right?

It has its strengths.

What about when I die and must choose?

Dog Heaven.