revisiting the past

I think the primal desire between Shakti and Shiva is the first cause of the universe. They then hid in creation and there is this eternal rediscovering of the passion between the two in all the different forms their respective energy has assumed. This got me thinking about the very first time I drank Ayahuasca. 

Check out what I wrote:

"Okay so the Goddess had put me in this place of exaltation and I was feeling very special. I had fully expected this long awaited experience to begin with fear and some kind of dread as I had this feeling I needed to have my ass kicked before anything else could proceed. However it was not like that at all. I felt the Goddess’ love for me and that I could do no wrong in her eyes. I told her I loved her and this made her very happy. There was this feeling I got that even though she is divine she wanted love as well. The exchange felt at times like lovers at play. Part of her expressing her love was this outpouring of a heavenly scent that was very intoxicating. I realized that men who get a glimpse of and the scent of this Goddess then spend the rest of their days trying to recapture this experience. I was amazed that I could in this lifetime get to this point where I could come into contact with her. The veil was still there though. I was able to glimpse her beauty and smell but the mystery was still there. She flirted with me, teased me, and acted as lovers do. She told me to come away with her. I immediately had an innate sense that if I did that I wasn’t coming back to the material realm. I hesitated and said I cannot as I still have things to accomplish and a family to provide for. She implored me to come but it was at this point I realized the importance of the shaman to guide you through these realms. The shaman shook his chacapa and sang his icaros to ground me."

Talk about desire!

There's something very mystical about desire, like a magic spell. Desire and attraction are not rational at all and seem to be something uncontrollable. Attraction becomes interesting when it is reciprocated. This mutuality creates harmony and intensifies desire. Acting upon desire is satisfying but eventually breaks the spell. Therein must lie the answer to this mystery?

I will eventually find you every time Shakti, but that's the game we play right? Go get lost and see if we can find each other.