i am

The sun as the avatar of the right-hand path is so bright that it is blinding. When you engage the right-hand path of ego self, and this is not a condemnation of that path, you shine very brightly and from this you are unable to see and connect to the left-hand path which is a holistic path that reveals we are all connected as one. Following the right-hand path is a necessary part of the journey, in fact follow it all the way to the end and get right into it. Celebrate the self and pay attention to how we all act out of self-interest; it's quite necessary for individual survival. And when you've exhausted yourself on that path, you are much older and wiser, and you can then start to grasp the left-hand path where you find the moon and wisdom and incorporate this modality of the greater good into how you conduct your life.

I have sat with the ego self for a few years now trying to find the underlying cause of this self. In this case when you get into these spiritual questions and engage all the different beliefs and teachings of the ages, you gravitate towards the Hindu and Buddhist traditions because they teach the ego self is transitory and is a delusion. I became trapped by this thinking and subsequently tried to free myself from ego, spent some time battling with myself but didn't really get anywhere. It was last fall when I realized the quest to become enlightened, to free self from ego, to climb that mountain of spiritual achievement, was in fact just another game and trap of the ego. So, I just let it go and came down the mountain back to a more balanced way of thinking.

I have stressed that the root of one's beliefs must be experiential and not one in someone else's. It's a mind trap to get stuck in this mindset. I don't care how venerated some spiritual system is, you should question it, and find your own answers. Well at least that's how I function and would need to do before accepting anything at face value. So last fall when I went through the Huachuma Mesadas at SpiritQuest, altering my consciousness in order to access the wisdom of the ages, I was inundated with the simple answer that Love is everything. That is the only enlightenment, spiritual truth, or mysterious knowledge you really need to know. I was taught we are made of Love, and existence is one big training ground for us to learn to make that Love shine. I was taught our very core is Love, we are to Love, and to this fount of Love we will return. Until we learn to live a life immersed in this Love, we will repeat the curriculum until we “get it.” It was a simple message. This teaching, however, hinted at the continuance of self upon physical expiration and conflicted with what I had accepted as transitory. To be clear I am not referring to personality or the character we have built in this instance but the underlying energy that is the base for our perceived solo identity. A simple message threw my complex understanding of the mysteries of life into disarray! Now I must change my beliefs and rewrite my understanding of self. It's funny how we tend to resist challenges to established beliefs like the ego self hates being told it was wrong. You see the delicious irony here, right? My ego self was pissed off that they were built upon a slice of the vibratory foundation of Love as opposed to being a peculiarity of consciousness.

One of the first things the Great Goddess taught me when I drank Ayahuasca and sat in communion with her, was that all is vibration. That teaching is something I go back to quite often as it has solved a great deal of the mysteries that have vexed me. In learning of the survival of some form of self upon physical death I eventually went back to vibration and realized my manifestation of this self is a vibration that is coming forth periodically and then returning to the fount in order to recharge the energy that will propel it upon another journey. The master vibration is a vibration of Love; it's the eternal song. It is where we all come from. We are energetic patterns that have as their origin this Love vibration. We are the junior partner in the manifestation of the universe. We are the music coming forth from the eternal song. We are all important; we are all Loved; and we are welcomed home when we are ready to come home. We left because we wanted to make our own way, just like the rebellious teenager, and shine our light so brightly on our own. After doing that, we gain wisdom, regain our sight, and acquire great clarity to see the way back to where we came from. It's the left-hand path back to mama. It's time to go back home.