Little clues always present to me situations which help me to see into the game of suffering. So, here’s the teaching: I play a fantasy baseball game and my team is pretty good. However, when adversity strikes and I’m losing, it gives me a frustrating feeling that I don’t like, especially in the morning if I wake up to failure or bad news. What is interesting is that the failure and bad news for my team is the opposite for my opponent. It’s such a great example of how the suffering in the world works. In order for someone to prosper, someone else has to feel the effects of not getting what they want. If I stop playing these games of one-upmanship then I can bring everything back to net-zero. No pleasure and no pain. The question becomes is that what I want? I get the feeling I/we wouldn’t have manifested if that’s what I/we want. This plane of consciousness is physical duality and it attracts because of the chance for great rewards in a most interesting game. It’s the greatest carnival that has ever existed. It’s the ultimate casino giving you the opportunity to beat the games of chance or perhaps you can use your skills to get ahead and profit off of the suffering of others. They are fair game because they chose to play as well. We are here because we want to be here and experience sensuous duality.
It works similarly with projecting an image of yourself. If someone notices you then chances are they want to become you, possess you, or emulate your life; or alternatively not end up down in the dumps like you if you are depressed or economically disadvantaged. To bask in your awesomeness means taking personal power from someone else. Hey, check out my life, don’t you wish you were me? I have to create an aura of suffering in order to pedestalize myself.
This segues into the next question: What is the reason behind taking a vow of poverty? Why do all the great religious avatars turn away from materialism? In the progression of thought as you come to realize the inescapability of suffering being intertwined with rewards and pleasure, at some point you are faced with a decision that in order to not cause any more suffering would mean essentially that you would no longer seek gain. Poverty is the expression of that sentiment demonstrating you want to escape the game. Knowing that to acquire finite material goods takes away from others, you vow to not participate in activities that will materially enrich you. It's quite the quandary when you realize that the world you have incarnated into demands reconciliation. There’s no escaping this duality of pain and gain.
I didn’t know about this eventual understanding when I embarked upon the spiritual path. I could have sworn my journey would lead me to love, light, and transcendence of my condition. Instead, I get to face the harsh truth of existence. However, I think it’s what I ultimately wanted. I wanted to know. I wonder how liberation can alleviate the pain I see in the world and in the future? Can I take solace in that those who suffer and are feeling this pain is because they haven’t been liberated, think they need more, and haven't accepted the finiteness of the game we are all playing? Is the way out of any predicament you find yourself in thus to not get attached to outcomes that are the result of what you have been told is success? Within your little corner of the earth can anyone just create a life that is simple and fulfilling? Travel is very enlightening in this regard. Comparing your situation to others seems to be where the problems begin and the want to acquire as much material wealth as possible causes the continual suffering. Suffering to yourself and others.
Why is there suffering? Duality and the need to reconcile all acts. I was born into this particular dualistic plane of consciousness with specific senses that will allow me to sink into my desires. The enchantments and addictions are never ending. I constantly seek novelty and another hit of pleasure. If I fully want to go into my desires there are avenues of drugs and like-minded lustful people to satisfy my cravings. It was I who wanted this and so into the world of suffering I incarnated because in order to experience pleasure there has to be the reciprocal pain, so, yes I understand how it works. We all come into this world to experience and be lit up by desire. And even so, we still find present universal love. Sure, we can pervert it and use it to sink further into our desire quest but it is always around as a shining light to help us out of the morass.
Moderation seems to allow you to function in this peculiar world. Let’s be honest, I want the biggest thrill possible. I want to ride that roller-coaster of emotions and experience the highest high. I don’t want the lowest low but I can’t escape it in order to get that high. Moderation also seems to be a way to live in denial of why I incarnated in the first place. I don’t think you’ll get an award or rewards for your exemplary moderation. So, what’s the way to win this game? What’s the way out? I think it’s understanding the relationship between happiness and suffering, pleasure and pain, which leads to an understanding of reconciliation and reciprocity. If you are going to take, you give. Instead of living with moderation where you only take a good amount of food instead of the whole pie, you play net-zero where with each meal taken is given back an exchange of energy. Of course, as a linear thinking man I’d want to micro-manage the exchange and create a scalable system that enforces reciprocity. Ultimately, I think it defeats the purpose. Awareness should get the ball rolling, the opening of your heart will provide the impetus, and a natural desire to give back would be the result.
So, I’m subsequently thinking about planes of consciousness and how it all exists here in the now, everything is with me right here in the middle, but the senses I have been gifted with create my particular world. Psychedelics give you the key to unlock and access a hidden sense perception beyond our ordinary physical senses. The eternal and imperishable beings of love and light I met in an altered state aren’t in some far-off magical land but are here right now with me. I just don’t perceive them with my limited senses. The senses I have are the senses I desired in order that I could fulfill my desires and remain ignorant of planes of consciousness that would prevent me from satiating my many and varied appetites. I wanted to go deep into my lusts and figure out the why and the result of chasing them. Conceptually, I get it! Physically, in this carnival, I long for more cotton candy and another ride on the roller coaster. I don’t know when I’ll give it up or even if I can? I’m aware and I laugh at my predicament. I can watch others fall for the same traps. Hell, of course they do. We all stood in line waiting for a body to inhabit in order to take another ride. Then we create rules to frustrate ourselves. Why not just open it up and make it a free for all? Go right into your desires. I know why - it’s because you’ll infringe on someone else's trip and that’s a no-no. Also, you have to be on the lookout for the control freaks who get their jollies from controlling others. They gravitate towards politics and seek power. These people really suck.
This challenge is unfair. I’m a pulsing bastion of desire. I burn through them only to be confronted and lit up by more. I take the immediate pleasure and try to delay the consequences for as long as possible. Ha ha! I always have to reconcile the pleasure chase! Do I stand back and say, “Nah I’m not doing that; I know the outcome. I’ve been down this road before.” I did that during an Ayahuasca journey. I was repeatedly offered women for my pleasure and I declined. Instead, I said I’m going to stand back and watch it all unfold. Perhaps that me was helping me out. Dionysos teaches the same lesson. Stand back and observe the madness, even join back into the clown world but don’t get trapped and you won’t if you see through the game. Life is a game of enchantment and spells, moving from one to the other, always in search of more novelty, another mountain to climb, until you tire of it. Have I tired of it? I’m getting there. What do I desire? More knowledge I can transmute into understanding. Is that really a desire? Probably. I can’t escape.
Energy that pulses ostensibly with desire is what gives life. When desire wanes, you have death and a rest in peace getting ready for the next adventure. Life is desire and the games we play are a check on eternal boredom. This plane of consciousness is sacred and the grand carnival we all take a turn at. We don’t go every day, however, a trip once a summer is good. When it gets out of hand it leads towards destruction. If I can destroy myself I won’t have to face the ups and downs of that roller-coaster again in this lifetime. I keep forgetting how painful it is and lineup for the next ride and the thrill of it all.
There is a strange split in the pleasure/pain dichotomy in that the pain lasts way longer than the pleasure. In order to keep the pleasure going demands resources, while the pain is free. When regret sinks in we use attachment to dull its effects. The pull for pleasure is so strong we take the risk and live with the consequences. We are an impulsive species always living for the thrill of the moment and having to pay for it later. This behaviour is a clue into our makeup and of course why we are here in the physical world craving the gratification of sensual pleasures available in this meat carnival. It has to be the explanation why each and every one of us are here therefore you can look into everyone’s eyes and say, “You dirty rotten scoundrel. I know why you are here! You’re in search of pleasure just like I am and want to get your fill before departing once again. What an interesting game and character you’re playing so I don’t see through it! How degenerate and disgusting we all really are." Ha ha! There’s nothing to do but laugh and tip your cap to the master dramatist Dionysos.
The reality of it all is I’m in the physical plane with a bunch of degenerates. We were all attracted by the bright lights of the incarnation because we haven’t totally gorged on our sensual fill yet. It’s like the circus that comes to town once a year with the rides and games of chance. It’s exciting and against our better judgment we head off to the centre of town to join in the fun with everyone else. We fill up on cotton candy and the dodgy rides make us a little queasy. A candy apple later and we have a stomach ache. We empty our pockets on games of chance even though we knew it was a losing proposition. We end the day by watching the circus freaks. How macabre.
Incarnating into this world where you have to eat others to survive is also macabre. There’s no getting around it either! It’s part of the game rules we agreed to. We try and skirt the issue by only eating plants with the caveat the vegetarian is likely to become ultra-spiritual, do western yoga, and realize the intelligence of plants thus confronted once again by having to eat fellow sentient beings.
I create a persona to try and hide the fact I’ve incarnated into the sensuous world as a satyr, seeking pleasure, and trying to moderate the pain. I join outfits that paint me as a respectable member of human society, misdirection I suppose, and if the realization of my hedonism gets to me I might just join the church which promises to forgive and save me from the inner guilt that I like pleasure and rewards. It’s all too funny. Why do I care that my motivation is pleasure and think I’m being judged for it by others who can play a similar game of obfuscation of why they are truly here in this strange world? It’s been a long time coming to finally accept this paradigm. I think I did realize it at some point when I tried to escape my predicament. I tried the ascetic life; I stopped eating meat; and I dropped the consumption of alcohol. I didn’t go around posting social media blurbs about my newfound awesomeness however I was quite proud of the straw house of purity I created until the big bad wolf came around and blew the walls down.
How truly bizarre this world is especially now that I can look into the eyes of my fellow incarnated souls in this carnival and know deep down their motivation for being here. It truly is what we wanted and the universe always fulfills what we want. I guess the advice is to be careful what you wish for because as beings of desire you will get what you want. We all wanted this opportunity; the game rules were given to us with no guarantees. No one really likes a game with a predetermined outcome so there had to be an element of chance; the possibility you may end up in a war-torn shithole you had to crawl out of. I got a pretty good roll of the celestial dice and ended up a white, middle class male in the best country on earth! I’ve done well with it and figured out the game. Time to give some of it back and be of service. The Great Goddess teaches me about being true of speech and action. There is something to be said about the saying that the truth shall set you free. Eventually, when you look into her mirror enough times, you drop the act, and see it. It’s liberating to understand, with the corollary I don’t have to beat myself up anymore for my failures that are only inadequacies because of culture. I’m just here getting my fill of desire in this physical world designed to make it all happen, just for you. Enough trips to the carnival and I see it; it was bound to happen.
Bon Appétit!
This was a long post intended to reconcile desire. I now fully understand sexual desire leads to creating new forms, which is the weaving together of energetic patters, and that is the fundamental nature of Tantra. Without the root desire to enable the creation of form, the desire inherent in all energetic being would have no playground in which to fulfill, well, their desires.
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