the god within

Culture causes confusion. For example, look at avenues of spirituality. I have always been intrigued by the spiritual, part in part because for the majority of my early life I thought it was as irrational as one could get. Fairy tales and wishful thinking; rubes waiting to be exploited. The spiritual grift is usually detected in its inherent narcissism. That being said, I knew I didn’t have all the answers and life is pretty mysterious, especially in those quiet moments when you dig deep down into just what this all is and what it means. We tell ourself stories in order to make it seem like we know. I set off at middle age to discover the origin of beliefs that have speckled human history. There is something to be said about going on a journey - any journey will suffice because of the roads that open up as a result of taking that first step on the sojourn of discovery.

I have learned scientific nomenclature gives definition and certainty to unexplainable phenomenon. I can’t really fathom black holes and subatomic particles however encapsulating the known and unknown into words allows us to define the undefinable and move on in the name of scientific progress. Myth is another way of giving context to equally unexplainable phenomenon and each have their relative strengths and weaknesses. The scientific explanations appeal to the straight and narrow, logic and reason, just the facts set among us while myth appeals to the creative and slippery dreamers that free flow ideas in society.

What defines the spiritual in my culture leads you towards religion and ultimately a belief in someone else’s beliefs. This belief system usually reeks of state approval so in essence it’s used as a means of control so the powerful can keep the masses down without having to resort to the harsher punitive methods. In Christianity, we worship a masculine god but have to approach him through his effeminate son. The feminine is shunted aside and no one seems to question this construct. In any event, when I decided at middle age to figure out what was up with this spiritual stuff, the absurdity of religion helped me stay away from it and not get trapped in its snare, as it’s just another chain in the bondage of culture. For sure, conformity came for me in visions and dreams as well as the requisite external pressures, however, it was by then no match for what I knew. I had found the feminine divine in Egypt and she had led me down into the Amazon jungle to come into direct contact with her. It was palpable and real. She is my rock and guiding light on this path.

I’m up to year 13 of this journey and it’s pretty awesome. I recommend when you’re ready do it! Find your path and the modality you wish to explore in order to discover the divine. It’s there; it’s all around us, within and without and all you have to do is seek and you will find. The last holdout I didn’t want to admit on my path was the presence of God. I didn’t like him. In the Bible, he’s a giant asshole. If you don’t agree with me then chances are you haven’t read the Old Testament but instead allow someone else to interpret it for you. In year 5 of my journey when I first discovered I had the ability to alter my consciousness and enter the occult world of the divine I was immediately in the presence of the Great Goddess. Of course, I was! She’s the one who invited me in. I was then ready to explore and found myself in this confounding hell accosted by a demon. It was the most frightening night of my life. This malevolence was back the third time I altered my consciousness and this nut told me he was God. He went on about his presence in ancient Egypt and then in the Bible. Yeah, whatever, you’re a raging lunatic.

It took me seven years after those events to finally start to see it and then another year to accept and embrace the truth. He wasn’t lying when he told me he is God. Of course, he is and I met him immediately after the Goddess. I meet up with him all the time in altered states. The many faces of God. He can rage and take you to the depths of madness or into the heights of divine righteousness. He comes off as a scary madman, a joker, a warrior, a wise man, my father, the divine actor, the great jaguar, and a dragon. He is the master teacher and teaching his son by the most non-ordinary methods, knowing full well that to transform his protege means facing great adversity and possibly my demise. Steel is forged in the fires of his hell and the Goddess tempers this alloy with Love.

It’s in searching externally for the divine that eventually leads you to find them within. You are their essence. Love and Light. Curiously, the discovery flips back to the beginning however now with the understanding all you externally see is the divine as well. All forms I see are creations of the mother and the enlivening spirit is the father.