faithfully

Based upon my own journey, I'd hazard to guess we all are here for different reasons. We all have our unique Karma. That's why it's hard to pin down religious beliefs or a spiritual dogma. Eventually, someone will experience something so profound and different from the rest of the group, which will be at odds with the teachings. I like to think we share this incarnation via accessing a plane of consciousness, ala a shared frequency, and conspire to live out our desires with ample conscious playmates. Ultimately, what I have conjured is different than what you have brought into being, though the world may share aspects, and so we live in a common dream.

The information I have mined from plant medicine experiences has been truthful. There has been no deceit. I didn't understand a great deal of it, that's for sure. I was scared of some of the knowledge and feared the cast of characters I met. I was subsequently challenged, and the fear threatened to lay waste to me. I passed the tests and made it through to the other side.

My eyes are wide open. I saw that this incarnation is the embodiment of what we call hell. I was harassed by the Devil himself, and then having survived the experience we became friends. If I were part of some religious group, how could I tell them about my experiences and not have them wonder if I was nuts or worse throw me out for entertaining the occult and a relationship with Satan? He's two-faced. Satan is the dark side of whom we call God. I know why he does what he does and it's all part of the divine unfolding. I laugh at the bullshit in the world. I marvel at how dumb and hypnotized people can be. It's alright. It's what makes the world go round and that cyclical turning will eventually shake your tree, wake you up, and propel you on a journey to seek answers. The answers you get will be different than mine. That is assured.

So, the above primer and admission of my dark dalliances, which probably either repelled you because you now think this guy is a disciple of the Devil or made you wonder if I was certifiably insane, was an introduction in order to tell you about my journey to the path of the heart where I found my way back home and discovered the reason why I have done this whole trip.

When I look back on the events of my life it's undeniably a progression that finally led to finding my soulmate and my mate is the Great Goddess.

This story is uniquely my own and if you are still reading, you will undoubtedly laugh at the connections I will reveal but be assured it makes perfect sense to me.

When I hit puberty, I had an open heart, and I idealized the opposite sex. I daydreamed of falling in love and leaving little notes to my beloved at breakfast expressing the love I had for her. My favourite rock group was a band called "Journey" and I spent many hours listening to their albums. My favourite song of theirs is called "Faithfully." It's a rock ballad and in my youth these songs spoke to my open heart. Faithfully embodies the separation from your loved one and the resulting longing. There is a line in the song that exclaims, "I get the joy of re-discovering you." I've previously written about the idea of novelty, and how we humans are always seeking out the thrill of a new experience or discovery.  If somehow you could bake amnesia into the game, then eternity would be given quite the boost! The song goes on to ask his loved one, "Oh girl, please stand by me. I'm forever yours. Faithfully." The singer tells his soulmate to wait for him and makes a promise to return a new man. Faithfully recently popped up on my music playlist and really struck a chord with me.

Another song of theirs called "Separate Ways," tells the story of the separation between lovers. The time apart will renew the love between the pair though at the time the divide was so great they had to part. The song ends with the cry, "I still love you girl. I really love you girl."

All this sounds trivial and part of the irrational brain of a pubescent boy, flooded with hormones and new feelings he can't process. My teenage years are still with me, and I know subsequent relationships with women closed my heart and I lost the ability to love. Caring for a pet kept a tiny crack open and eventually a search for meaning led me to this man called don Howard, who I met in the Amazon jungle. He was a sly man and had this program that was designed to open your heart though he never told me that, but after he did it I clearly saw what he was doing. There was a ceremony we did with a plant called Bobinzana where he'd tell us this is good for your heart. He did so many subtle things that would lead to a moment where finally a dose of this plant medicine called Huachuma blasted open my heart.

When middle-age struck, I started searching for meaning and answers. The process led me to Egypt, and I started to intuit the presence of the divine, specifically the Goddess. This feeling just grew stronger until I was quite sure that not only did she exist, but that I could also contact her. This led me to find a way to be in her presence. The searching led me to shamanism and plant medicines. Upon drinking Ayahuasca for the first time, I was immediately placed in a hidden realm where I was with her. She placed me in a position of exultation, and I felt special and so deeply loved. It was the greatest experience. She told me to drop everything and come away with her. I didn't understand what was happening and I told her no I still have things left on earth to accomplish and a family to take care of. She accepted my answer, and we spent the rest of the night together, with her teaching me about the nature of reality and to honour the feminine divine in my life.

Further to this meeting, I had visions of this cosmic love affair. I visited her castle made of gold, where she was held prisoner. She told me to go after her captor husband to release her. In the castle, we made love and became one again. As I set out after her jailer, I found out it was I who was that prison guard and that she was my heart. I kept her imprisoned. That was a tough lesson. I later had a vision where she put on an erotic dance for me in the Temple of the Great Goddess Hathor at Dendera in ancient Egypt. When she approached and laid on top of me it was the most insanely erotic feeling of pleasure I have ever felt. I remember it well. The shaman's song ended, and the scene disappeared. I thought to myself I'm not in Peru for sexual thrills and did not want the vision to continue. I still wasn't ready.

My plant medicine journeys led me towards transformation into a jaguar and climbing the mountain of knowledge and discovery. I physically made a trip to the Andes mountains and climbed to the top. While drinking Huachuma, I was witness to my own wedding ceremony with the Goddess with this blindman called PJ playing a sacred drum. I had no idea someone could make drumming sound the way he did. It was surreal and a perfect day with my eternal love.

It has only been in subsequent years where I gained an understanding that I was able to see she is my soulmate and after a long separation we were ready to reconcile; however, my current attachments and lack of knowledge of my own divine self meant I was not ready. My continued journey with plant medicines revealed my nature and opened my heart to the point where I could finally say, "I'm ready." The transformation of self and the opening of my heart is my gift to the Great Goddess. I have transformed back into the idealistic lover of my youth; I understand who I am and why I have done this whole trip, and I'm ready to come home to my eternal bride.

My understanding of this path I have chosen and weaved into this strange world is a recent revelation. As with all my understanding, I soon got confirmation that what I intuit is correct. Two days later, I was in the kitchen cooking dinner and the TV was on in the background. Normally, I play my own music and can't hear the TV but this night I wasn't playing any music. The show on the TV ended and as the credits rolled the song "Faithfully" played. I thought to myself, "There it is. This is all true and my understanding is correct."

I am ready to return to Her. I'll live out the rest of my life, tend to my attachments, and take care of my dependents. I'll be of service. It's all good. Nothing really matters. Then I will come home.

I'm forever yours. Faithfully.