The call to adventure beckons once again. I have gone into Egypt to recover the knowledge of the Great Goddesses of the past and then came multiple trips descending into the Lower Water World of the Amazon to snatch the pearl from the dragon at the behest of the aforementioned Goddess. My friend Ganesha closed the path back down into the Water World and has steered me in the direction of the Upper World to ascend into the mountains.
I was well aware the Middle World of the earth where I spend the majority of my time is for all intents and purposes ego world. It's all about the individual self and constructing identity. Adventure called to a place I could go to find the higher self. I would find this elusive character and bring him back to the ego world and the quest would be satiated for I am jaguar and I traverse the three worlds. I knew the next step after the Upper World is ultimately death and a physical release from this world into the next, though using past experience as a guide high adventures awaits. Anyway that's the plan.
I'd heard a particular Alan Watts lecture a few times that describes the elusiveness of the ego. It's a well told comparative story where the police respond to a robbery at a residence and the ego as the perp simply escapes up to the higher floor. The gist is the higher self you seek is of the same essence as your ego. You think you can transcend the ego but in actuality you can't because it is a generated feedback attachment of your own making and it fluidly morphs into the higher self and hangs out at the higher level subtly infecting that aspect of your psyche which eventually manifests in your presentation to the world as being an 'enlightened' being; the pioneering psychologist Carl Jung coined this process inflation. This recent listening to the metaphor somehow triggered within the understanding of the interconnectedness of the ego and the higher self. The catalyst was I thought the opposite must be true then - the higher self must be able to descend down to the main floor where the ego makes its home and hang out there. This moment of clarity hit me while I was in the kitchen preparing the evening meal and it stopped me in my tracks. Aha that's it, the higher self I seek I already know very well, he has just been playing along in a game of hide and seek in this great drama all the while. I had a chuckle over that. I've known for a while the seeking I have been obsessed with, which has taken me afar, will lead back to the self but this time it felt really ridiculous. I get on airplanes and fly around the world just so I can find what was me all along! It's preposterous but it's the only way. Practically what a real waste of effort and money but in the end this part of the journey is priceless. I must continue to persist in my folly in order to complete the quest.
The Roman god Mercury and his element's elusive liquid nature with mysterious alchemical properties became illuminated as an apt symbol describing the fluidity that occurs between these two natures of self.
I meditated on this later in the evening to discern the relationship between the ego and the higher self and the role wisdom plays in mediating between the two. The brain is a physical model of universal consciousness to a proportional scale in order to localize it and in the human brain nature achieved the greatest expression of this project. This mechanical model of consciousness generates self centeredness because consciousness innately projects the idea it is the all so naturally when consciousness is generated via the workings of the brain and you become aware of other entities you truly believe in your uniqueness and separate self. This perception leads to self awareness as you compare yourself to other conscious beings and also self reflection from individuated consciousness existing within universal consciousness and the byproduct of these processes is the formation of ego; the ego being the psychic centre of the generated consciousness we access and experience. Lost within this structure is the ability to reconnect with universal consciousness. We are utterly lost within the universe of our own making and it is suggesting we did this on purpose in order to peer in a detached manner into the all. Universal consciousness tricks sentient aspects of itself into believing they are outside of the all in order to look in upon itself; this relationship is illusory but is essential for universal self knowledge. It would have to be understood by the originators of this construct that there would always be shards of consciousness that would eventually see through this ruse. Whether awakening from the dream or snapping out of the hypnosis is the goal of this game is debatable. At what point would the all be satisfied in an inquiry into its fundamental nature? I tend to believe it is a win win situation where the realization of the separate self of their true origin despite heavy odds of it happening, elevates all forms of consciousness to greater heights and reveals an insight into the nature of consciousness that yes it will seek and aspire to greatness despite the traps and detours encountered along the way.
In the world I currently find myself in I will never completely transcend the relationship between ego and the higher self but will only get glimpses of which I have previously attained. Through the use of cactus juice (Huachuma) I fully realized how essential Love is to the process of elevating your consciousness from self centered ego awareness to cosmic oneness - experiencing the light within; a kinship with all life; the Goddess telling me your it; sitting in a boat on the Amazon river fully connected to the all which was this Love I cannot put into words; and there was the moment sitting in the Maloca in the jungle where I became disassociated with identity along with a vision of a closet full of suits, representing identities, which were available for me to try on and assume whatever personality I wished. I already know what I'm seeking on my next adventure so it feels like I seek confirmation of something metaphysical I have now grasped on an intellectual basis and in fleeting transcendental moments. I will fluidly transcend ego self and become the cosmic higher self I am sure of but it is lacking without the heart. There's a reason I had to recover the heart (I called it the pearl earlier in this post) because without the heart the journey stalls. You have to go down, down, down into the depths of darkness to save the princess and establish the relationship between the heart and the conscious self once again in an union that will propel you soaring into the clouds.
A word about wisdom to end this post. The Roman god Mercury is an expression of the Greek god of wisdom Hermes and the roots of this deity travel down into ancient Egypt to their wisdom god Thoth (Djehuty through transliteration of the hieroglyphics).
Thoth from Book of the Dead of Amen-em-hat
Thoth mediates between the warring brothers in the story of the Contendings of Horus and Set. Thoth acts as both scribe and messenger, can perform great feats of magic, and is depicted at times as a baboon as well as an ibis stork. The baboon is of the earthly Middle World but can reach the limits of the sky while swinging through the trees while the ibis is of the airy Upper World but can descend down into the earth and also spends time fishing in the watery Lower World. What I'm describing here is the fluidity that Thoth as wisdom generates to enhance his ability to seamlessly bridge the divide between the metaphysical worlds that encompass the sum total of our psyches. His mysterious and elusive nature allows us to freely move between being self conscious and an enveloping all persuasive consciousness with ease which we can recognize as distinct modes of cognition. It is through worldly experience and the trials of life that this wisdom is attained and finally allows you to profoundly see what is going on. Wisdom comes in a flash and it is very mysterious. You can't bottle it up and contain it so the element of mercury is used to try to describe it as it can easily change shape and mould itself to be present where and when required. The Greeks incorporated an element of a trickster into their conception of Hermes. This is because we tend to over think situations and then start to second guess ourselves leading to confusion. As well by this time in humankind's evolution the Greeks had become aware of the inherent ability to use abstract language, language a gift originally from the gods based on pictograms, to hypnotize and deceive. Hermes is also a very phallic masculine god which delineates him from the intuitional wisdom of the feminine that is very well described in Greek as Pistis Sophia which translated is ‘faith in wisdom’ and from the translation you can derive the intended meaning being essentially intuition from wisdom. To sum up in order to come to terms with the higher self you need the help of Thoth, who is the bridge and the ladder and he will lead you to your destination and once discovered then you will always know.