Thursday, August 31, 2017


The visionary and dream states often convey information as metaphor. Despite knowing better, humans as a whole are very literal beings, and at first we tend to go in the direction of believing things to be tangibly real. We have essentially lost the idea behind myth and now treat myth as generally falsehood since it can't possibly be true in a real physical sense. This too pertains to ancient scripture as it is held up against the science of today and derided as childish. Yes the story of Noah's Ark is a scientific impossibility, pushers of biblical narrative literally want you to believe it, and those of reason denounce such folly. And that becomes the choice.

I have known for the most part the above exposition also pertains to the individual visionary states I have been able to enter. I constantly remind myself to not take the visions and conversations I have had with entities always so literally but instead search for the meaning behind what has been presented. In the last year I have been cognizant of this when recalling dreams as well as some symbols I have seen in conscious waking life. To give some examples, about a year ago after a particularly trying time I stepped out of the house and witnessed a snake devouring a frog. I knew from my studies of ancient Egypt that their primordial representation of creation had the snake representing the feminine creative principle that gave impetus to the masculine striving spirit symbolized as a frog. I deduced the meaning behind this scene I was witnessing as being the passions, represented by the feminine snake, could devour the masculine spirit, played by the frog, and to take heed. Prior to embarking on a second trip to the Amazon, in which I knew I was going to face my fears, I witnessed flying up out of the bush an owl, which I had never seen before in this setting and regard. I knew of the owl's symbolism of death and the connection was not to my physical death but to the process and path I had embarked upon that would lead to the annihilation of self. The third time ever drinking Ayahuasca, after a harrowing second experience, this dark entity I had encountered said to continue following my current path, if not he'd make me walk in front of a train. The path he directed me to follow consisted of not changing the course of my life and continuing destructive patterns of behaviour I could not shake. In subsequent visionary ceremonies with the plant medicines Huachuma and Vilca I have experienced an eery feeling of death and sacrifice. The first time I experienced this unnerving sense I chalked it up to having an unfamiliar experience. A year later I was confident participating in the same ceremony however at the appointed time the feeling of imminent death returned. After dealing with a great deal of anxiety and psychic disturbance I puked out these bad vibes and carried on though I could not let go of self. The feelings of dread abated to the point where I could continue on and from this event I eventually realized the feeling of death I had experienced twice now was coming from deep within. In an Ayahuasca ceremony on this last trip I had finally been able to advance past this darkness that had been plaguing me and in my vision this male actor drove up in a car on train tracks which I took as being a completion of the level and an end to the scene leading to a transition into the next phase. It wasn't until much later I realized this 'actor' in a car on train tracks was the higher self appearing due to being able to silence the ego mind. I never clued into the significance of the car driving up to me on train tracks until much later when I was able to connect it to the walking in front of a train threat and 'see' that a car on train tracks could easily stop as it approached me. I realized from these metaphors the significance behind all these events and their connection. My intentions last year in my work with the plant medicines were primarily ego based, feeling a need to subdue the sense of self. I am quite aware now the greatest and final attachment we cling to is the sense of a separate self. To give up the ego is the last cord remaining that binds you to the Middle World. Once the last chain is cut you are free, yet no one can take this ultimate step and abandon a lifelong building project. At physical death, if this eventuality is not reconciled, it is forcefully ripped away and is the subject of much grief leading up to the event in the case of a terminal illness situation.

I have been wondering about this dark entity that is hidden deep within my psyche and its origin. I subscribe to the all is one philosophy with the caveat that the one is the ecstatic sexual embrace of the all encompassing feminine creative and masculine consciousness powers - a figure that could be described as a hermaphrodite. So from this line of thinking it stands to reason that the masculine dark entity I have encountered is divine masculine consciousness masquerading as a puppeteer intent on controlling deluded individuated conscious beings as puppets to see how far he could keep this game going before it is unmasked. And in order for the fool in his foolishness to see through the game they/you must take a leap of courage and faith based on wisdom so that you can discard the false self and recover the knowledge of who you are as the higher self. This thinking will lead to an intellectual recognition that yes the father and the son are one in the same as the Christians unwittingly claim, except that it is you who are both Christ and God. So I come from divine parents and I'm actually one of the parents. But do you take the discarding of self as something you need to do literally or is it metaphor?

This leads to the idea of sacrifice and sacrificial offerings to the gods. There are rituals in which objects of possession and material wealth are offered as symbolic of devotion to a deity, as greedy humans are normally loathe to freely offer tangible goods. To us this is demonstrable sacrifice that can be quantified with an expectation of reward or blessing. Going further into the idea of sacrifice is the psychic reality of the gods and demons within that are aroused by behaviours and passions inherent to the human condition. A sacrifice to a god in this case would be changing behaviour to bring oneself closer to a god or stopping destructive behaviours that would arouse another god/demon. Examples would be the use of a substance such as alcohol which brings out the inner asshole in some, or the love of money which stimulates greed, or excessive sexual needs which progresses from pleasure seeking to pathology. In these cases the sacrifice of these behaviours demonstrate a willingness to change and presumably invoke the approval and help of these forces we call gods. In the case I am demonstrating here, it seems to be clear the changing path in which I was headed on, that was such a concern to a shadowy part of my constituent being, involved the death of the self and so it was related to me that if I chose that path I would walk in front of a train. It's a blunt metaphor for the death of the self. In order to discover the ultimate truth of whom you really are you need to sacrifice the self, or at least that is what I am inferring here. When I next stand in front of the Mesa faced with the very real prospect of imminent death I understand now the reasons behind why I sense a very strong feeling of death and sacrifice. If I can muster the courage to take the final step and free myself of ego than the presentation of the ultimate discovery awaits. I have had episodes of dissociation while on mind manifesting substances where in one instance I was in a clothes closet presented with suits to wear as different identities. I was not to be burdened with just one identity instead I could assume a different 'self' at will. This ties in with the thought that we are all just aspects of the one common higher self that takes on different roles in this great universal drama. Looking at this phenomenon further it can be ascertained that culture and society demands of us a fixed identity in order to operate. The law and monetary systems collapse without this surety. As well in this past year I have felt an intense desire to free myself of my identity and assume another. I have to believe these visions and behaviours are linked to the eventual dissolution of self that is playing out right now in my psychic sphere. The constant pushing of feelings designed to scuttle my resolve to continue on this path come from the area of the darkness that lay within the depths of my being. It's all coming to a head. Courage, strength, will, trust, surrender, and a little protection offered by Athena I will need to call upon in order to accomplish this last step into the unknown stratosphere of the no self.

No comments:

Post a Comment