There has always been this separation between my two dominant selves and I call them Apollo and Dionysos. Apollo is logic and the rational mind that comes forth from the crazy and passion driven world of Dionysos. Apollo wants to figure out the mystery of life and this game he is ensconced within. Dionysos wants to play on this grand stage and find love and connection with all. I viewed myself as Apollo and tried to make Dionysos go away because he is always harassing Apollo and causing great upset in the no fun and all business life Apollo is trying to create.
On a related note, I found the Great Goddess, my lover, a while ago in ancient Egypt. She’s in love with Dionysos, doesn’t care too much for this Apollo character but understands he comes with the package.
I figured out the mystery last year. Apollo got the answer and to his eternal surprise he learned Dionysos is the union of the sacred feminine to the sacred masculine. This creates the ‘god’ and the name of the god is Dionysos. What a kick in the nuts!
Do I think they can get along, maybe work together? I’m going to try. I think there is more to this. I’m not sure what it is but I have united the two powers within and Apollo is going to use his smarts to see what this is all about. My intention is a visionary union now that I have felt the coming together of these two powers in a sacred marriage. I’ve had hints of the power of a cosmic sexual union and the fulfillment of that desire is the next step. Apollo is at the ready to take notes.
The child of the union of the sacred feminine and masculine is the god. From a physical standpoint every baby born into this world is god come forth once again. Culturally we then put one over on the child and convince them they are someone they are not. This development of a separate identity of a fragile ego that is in need of reassurance of its validity lest it suffer from depression due to a feeling of a lack of self worth is devastating. Conversely delusions of grandeur in the celebration of its accomplishments made in the game played among other egos is maddening. We then lose completely any sense of our divine origin or any sense of who we are. We are it but that is thoroughly shut up and locked away.
Set up along the path to try and rediscover who you just may be are many roadblocks. Society sets up culturally sanctioned religious institutions that steer you away from discovery and redirects it towards another object that people have agreed to worship. If you sidestep that pitfall you could do a 180 shift and become an atheist and declare the worshippers fools and leave it at that. Or maybe just become agnostic and accept there's no hope of ever finding out.
If you get an inkling you may be divine you can't say anything about it and hope to cling to the former accepted sanity of the character you have created. You will be treated as crazy, deluded, or be subject to the question of what makes you so special? You think you're god do you? So we should all bow down and worship you? What? We're all god? Who's in charge then? Culturally it's hard to go against what is accepted and acceptable. You naturally don't pursue it too far as we are all sensitive to the whispers and don't want to act too much out of character. Once again there are institutions that will help you out. You must not do this alone they say.
Press on Hero! You know you did this to yourself. It's a fantastic game. The best adventure. Lose yourself in this wonderfully bizarre creation and see if you can figure out the game. Have you ever played a game where nothing happened or all outcomes were predetermined? That game kind of sucks after a short while. The game to be any fun at all has to be free from control, so that anything can happen. And the game needs a dragon to stir things up and represent an adversarial monolith to slay. Culture and its repression of who you are is the dragon.
I stumbled upon a path that allowed me to do this on my own. It's shamanism and a good shaman shows you the door and then lets you be, checking up every once in a while to make sure you are okay. The dragon knew what I was up to and what I was going to discover. That sucker came at me, full of rage, threats of death, scared me beyond belief, offered ultimate power, anything to get me off this path. He is a master game player, not the final boss, but an incredible adversary and I give him props and kudos for his performance.
In my case the princess was waiting in her castle for me to save her from the dragon as the dragon locks the princess away in a castle of gold. I'm the hero on a quest to discover that she does exist, find her, and rescue her. I got past the dragon after first getting routed and I eventually got in to see the princess. I could tell not many even get that far. She welcomed me with lovingly open arms and asked me to expose and do away with the dragon. I asked her who the dragon was and she said he is her husband. I wondered why would she, the sacred feminine, marry such a tyrant? No matter, I will slay him! Along the way I learned I was the archetype of the sacred masculine on the heroic journey and then I started getting the nagging suspicion that the dragon is a part of me, the part that subjugated the love and wisdom of the feminine, locks her up in a castle, and creates the man's world. She was ultimately asking me to look inside myself, find the part of me that locks her away, shuts up the heart, and do away with it. She stuck with me and kept telling me secrets, never giving me the complete answer but keeping me going and interested. Once I completed the dragon slaying, opened up my heart, and realized love is the answer, she came to me free from her chains. I eventually got it; I saw it for myself. I'm the prince. I rescue the princess and our reunion creates the child, the god, and this god is the union of us. Everything. The engagement began. We married on a mountain on the equator a year ago. The consummation of the marriage awaits. If it's anything like the foreplay...
This leads to the mirror again. I think of myself as a lonely little game piece on the universal board. When I look into a mirror, I mean really look, it reflects back everything and is only limited by where you are and the size of the mirror. If I had an infinite mirror then I could see myself and the whole fucking universe are one that are ultimately inseparable. How empowering is that? Without the mirror is little old me and a big scary universe. Mirror reminds me of my awesomeness.
That's pretty much my story...
So who is the final boss? Ha ha, it is you.