flow

At the heart of what just is, is vibration. The great vibration in the sky creates all. From one perspective it is everything. Change viewpoints and the vibration becomes the many. As a singularity, it just is. From this comes the two extremes. Goddess and God. Dark and Light. Death and Life. Think of each point as an octave. The sound is perfect, but the interesting part is in the in-between the pure notes. This is the vibration and where creation is present. Within this playground is where we play.

This world is teaching us how to find balance within the polarities. We can't become pure like the points no matter how hard we try. To get to that purity means severing the connection to the other polarity. To become the light means forsaking the darkness. I intuit the answer is found in the reconciliation of all. To take the opposites and move to the centre. In the balance is where to stand on earth.

I asked the Great Goddess to teach me about love. She has shown me possessive love and unconditional love. I realized neither was the answer. Possessive love will imprison those you love and as the jailer you will imprison yourself. Unconditional love leads to being taken advantage of and no one growing from the experience. The answer is found in the middle of the two extremes. I asked the Great God about magic. Eventually was revealed the similarities with love. There's black magic where you get what you want and fulfill all your desires. The opposite white magic is where you unconditionally help others relieve their suffering. The problem with using magic for selfish desires is obvious but why not help people? A couple reasons. You don't know the reasons they incarnated and chose to suffer. The suffering could be leading towards a breakthrough on their part and fulfilling a purpose. Another reason is you don't know what the outcomes or consequences are from the magic. Everything is reconciled so when you create a positive, there must be a negative corollary. You don't know what you have unleashed when you drop a dollop of magic onto the brew of life.

I learned about magic and gained the trust of my benefactors. I'm thoughtful and not careless. I showed I was good for it and soon was given the lesson of loving which led to magic. The smart play is to let it be. Let life flow and react to the curriculum as it comes.

This point was driven home at the same time I was taking stock of my life and who I am. I am comfortable with who I am, and it is at odds with how others perceive me. This is a major psychological crisis most of us face. We build a character that is different from who we are. It's the ego and built by how others perceive us and then we must imprison ourselves in that jail of ego. Spiritual liberation is freeing yourself from those chains. For most of us, myself included, how others perceive us is stifling. This straw man prevents me from living life. I know who I am. I'm a decent person, but no saint. I know what I want and what animates me. I needed to kill myself in order to live as what was suggested to me.

We all are uncomfortable with certain aspects of self. We hide this and try not to think of it. If you regularly participate in the use of psychedelic substances, you will have to recognize and come to terms with all aspects of self. Confrontation awaits. I know how I suck as a human being. I used to want to be perfect and keep my construction project of self, called the ego, nice and shiny. Any revealed stain on my character I needed to hide to maintain appearances. Eventually in life this becomes constrictive. You are leading a life that is a lie. What is better? Bowing to the pressures of others and living a life of frustration or letting it go and being true to yourself? I have plumbed the depths of self and know who I am, what I want, and what lights me up. I have gravitated towards fulfillment of these ideals while realizing it is culturally out of bounds. I am a disappointment and I'm happy to be a failure. I see freedom in being a screw up.

I have lately embraced Apollo. I mocked him for a while because he was the part of me who while being brilliant also was concerned with appearances. This Apollo polarity of me is the one who came forth for most of this lifetime in the eyes of others. My parents mostly saw this part of me, and it made them happy to see their son successful and well-adjusted. My workplace gets a huge does of this sugar. My family I live with of course sees this but also sees the unhappiness. I can't hide that. In my distaste of this guy, I saw the good that comes from him. I shine so brightly. I can figure anything out. That's to be celebrated and not haphazardly thrown to the curb.

I've been letting go of the reigns and letting the buried part of my nature come to the fore. I can see it in my behaviour that I have been successful in finding a balance between my two natures. The darkness within is tempered by the light. It's the optimum condition for the human and through this balance, peace is found. The lesson of the octave comes into play here. Each of the touchstone tones of dark and light, which I call Dionysos and Apollo, are pure in vibration, however a little much if the note is held too long. The decay of each makes the purity tolerable. If I become too much of either, I'm a little much. I like to visit each polarity and spend some time lost in the richness of each pure note. It's a great thrill to be at the top of the track before the descent of the rollercoaster and then to embrace the bottom and propel yourself back to the top. The in-between is life, and the experience is what is memorable. So, for most of my life I went out into public while at the top of the rollercoaster. I waited for the dark to literally descend before allowing my opposite to come out of his cage under the veil of night. I maintained this facade for over 50 years before the cracks in the edifice went beyond repair. I now look forward to a life of disappointing others.

I'm looking forward to multiple people saying they are disappointed in me. With this I'll know I have done what I needed to do. In truth, they will only be disappointed to learn that the puppet strings snapped. I'm not living towards some ideal of who I should be, I'm just being me. Just being me will lead to a lot of upset. I'll just be free and go with the flow.

serpent strikes

The Goddess and her many avatars. I got a front row seat.

Ayahuasca was exciting. Ayahuasca scared me but I was intrigued. I didn't run away from the experience; I learned how to tame her. I treated Ayahuasca like one of my relationships. That's what I do. I can see it. Then once I tamed her, I lost interest. She's still around but I played around with others.

She is Ayahuasca. She is a drug that gets me high. I'd do whatever it takes to get that high. Then came the terrible low. Then came understanding. Now I wonder, is she my Goddess or a demon?

I am the casual destroyer. I cause upset in my choices though I mean well. My path of destruction is subtle but still deadly.

The Goddess can be a dragon as well. And when the game is afoot, she can be cruel and play for the win. She won. She crushed me. She wasn't going to relinquish the upper hand and so dropped the hammer. Resiliency saved me.

Trust the process. It's on repeat. You have faced similar, and it had to play out. You faced the darkness within the masculine and stood up to him. You fought back and didn't capitulate. Eventually, there was reconciliation. Can you see the same now or do you think it is wishful thinking? The darkness within the feminine plays a different game. They aren't going to directly punch you in the face but will take you down with their own brand of guile and poison. They want to psychologically hurt and damage you to the point where you run away from them. They will be satisfied with that result and include you in their body count of corpses who deserved their fate.

Remember you had to do this with the masculine, and you know you would not exchange that path for any other. Look with clarity where you are in your life and what is unfolding. The venom inflicted by the feminine works in a different way. The strike will try to encompass and snuff you out with a constrictive hold on all of you. Find the antidote. You know what it is but in this case you use it on yourself. The serpent will recoil and go internal as well. It's going to be a long haul, but you'll one day look back and smile at the journey you chose and once again not trade it for the world.

The reconciliation with the masculine was an internal struggle. The feminine is external. She can strike and run but she will never get away. There must be a reckoning. You know your strengths and not to poke her with a stick. Let her be and show by example how you can rise above who she thinks the masculine is. Show her you are divine. The misdirection should be obvious. Your darkness is singled out and the focus is put on you. It's a good game to prevent the light from being turned on her darkness. I'm not sure if she knows what is taking place and is just weaving a web of confusion.

I want to cry out that I don't know her. I don't know who this is. In truth, I do know. I've seen it and here it is, in my face. I want all of it. I want to face it all. The hurricane is coming and I'm not running for shelter. The destruction lays waste to ignorance and makes room for more knowledge and the subsequent lessons to follow.

The most difficult part of the fight is I'm in love with her. She's playing the part of adversary and for keeps. She wants to punish and destroy me to the point where I'm left a burnt-out husk. I want to hate her, but I just let it slide. Feed me your venom and watch as not reacting to the poison is the antidote. Keep her in my heart and use her power of love to get through to her.

Finding reconciliation is uniting the internal divine within the self. The domination of either half is going to leave you in a continual state of disharmony. The ever-coming darkness will reappear and force you to flee in a cycle that is on repeat. You will light a fire and leave a trail of destruction in your wake. Free of the blaze you find a temporary peace. Eventually, the fire catches up with you and sets your world ablaze once again. The easy way out is to run. The difficult path is to face the oncoming inferno and transform within the fires of hell.

Following the painful flow revealed to me what it is I seek. Letting the hurt come and pull me under eventually allowed me to emerge once again and with grace start an integration of knowledge which would lead to the understanding I search and long for. I never would have figured out the vibration mystery and the role of cycles within our lives without pain.

why not be here now

Ram Dass taught me this mantra Be Here Now. He learned it from a guru brother on his first trip to India where he would be complaining about the physical journey they were on in addition to talking about the past. Finally, his friend told him to let all that go and just "Be Here Now." It's something I've been aware of while meditating. I have a busy mind and thoughts are always running through me. It's the product of being my own best friend throughout my life. I like being alone and it is my comfort zone. I'm never bored or in need to do anything because my mind keeps me company. I've never suffered from depression or anxiety even though because of my predilection for being in my head I am predisposed to those conditions. I am grateful for this part of me as it has allowed me to surf the wave of life with relative ease in that I don't get too low or too high.

I had been going through some personal turmoil and of course this put my mind into overdrive because I was searching for answers and anything which would allow me to understand the experience. When communing with tobacco snuff, I was having trouble quieting my mind. It wanted to chatter, and it wasn't until finally I remembered Ram Dass' teachings about Be Here Now that I was able to centre and just let everything go. Just be in the moment. Of course, when out of the medicine I had to examine the profundity of the teaching. Like a lot of things I come across on the spiritual path, I get an understanding of the concept, but it always seems to go deeper and when you are ready the teaching flowers. Just Be with yourself Here where you are Now at this very moment. I realized the journey to get here to now is unique in that it's the sum of all my choices and actions. Being at this place at this time is the true result. It must be. It reminds me of a saying about the Stock Market in that it is never wrong. You may disagree with it and complain that the company you have invested in is undervalued but the market has set the price, and it is what it is. This is my life. Where I am now is what I have sown. My suffering is a direct result of the path I have taken.

A good friend of mine who passed away a year ago often comes to me when I enter this state of just being in the moment. I asked about my suffering and in his glib way he said it's in the cards. It sure is! It's what I wanted and why I made the choices I made. They had good odds of causing this outcome. Maybe this is what you want. Have you ever thought of that?

I had thought of it and realized there was a good chance it is what I desired. It's good to have confirmation of what you intuit.

I also know suffering is the catalyst for transformation. I got to re-examine my overarching mission statement and it's to walk the path of the heart fully to the end in honour of the Great Goddess. I'm a perfectionist and with a lot of things if I can't excel at them, I just won't do it. Walking this path has brought failure into my life. It's harder than I thought because my ego wants me to be perfect, especially at this stage of the journey. I should be someone people look up to and a holder of wisdom, not a fallible human being. Imagine being my age and still being a screw up?

It put into perspective something Alan Watts taught me early on in this ridiculous spiritual journey. He said when you embark on some ideal to better yourself and embrace what we call the higher self, the ego just moves up a level. It's so true. There's always this dynamic with appearances in relation to others who you must put on a show for. Oh, you are going to be enlightened now, are you? I guess you will become perfected and infallible. I will have to double down on my efforts to conceal what isn't perfect. Ha ha. There's always going to be the interplay between the superego as the judge, which is reflected in your peers or culture, and the ego - no matter how you define yourself in this human body. There's no escape. The best thing to do is just recognize it and have a laugh. We all know the ultra-spiritual are hiding something or if not, they are miserable.

What I get out of the whole dynamic between the ego and the superego is that they are the ones which keep this drama going. Your base desires as defined by the id, animate your existence and is the reason you incarnated into a body. The whole game to conceal what you want then creates the cast of characters which makes earth a good show. As I write the chapters of my life while living in the now I see everything unfold as a result of my choices.

This is my story.

heart magic

The latest road I have traveled is teaching me about the writer. I already had the knowledge, I just had to coalesce all into understanding. His dual nature spawns awareness as he observes his avatar and writes the next chapter. The writer puts his likeness into situations to see how he will react to learn about self. The observer is the divine masculine scientist. The writer has access to magic and for the intrepid explorer this is always dark at first. Discovering a part of you that can manifest your desires and have a semblance of control over events is intoxicating for the vulnerable human. Running this experiment repeatedly gives predictable results. Eventually, you want to introduce more variables into the equation and see what the result is - if you are the curious cosmic scientist with clipboard in hand.

What would be a good variable to insert into the acquisition of power via magic? I am referring to love and this is why: I have found on this path of knowledge that what I seek is balance, however all discoveries at first are heavily tilted in one direction. For instance, something as noble as a quest for spiritual enlightenment becomes biased towards a right-hand path which leads to the glorification of self. It becomes another ego trip. It's so easy to see. Just go on the internet and seek out these spiritual personalities. My advice is to adopt a teacher who is dead or at least find someone whose personality is unassuming.

Another example would be discovering sex when we hit puberty. We want to bathe in that feeling of pleasure without understanding the sacredness of it. It can be easy to divorce sex from love and get your fill, however finding a partner to share in a union is way more fulfilling. Also, when we discover we have an advantage over someone due to knowledge or intellect, it is tempting to take advantage of that relationship and monetize it. It's the way of the world mixed in with external mind control. We are all puppets, triggered by repetitious adverts that direct our lives.

I have walked a curious path; a path laid out for me that awaited discovery. Free will made it so I would take up this path of my own accord and the experiment could be run in a fashion that was as pure as possible. I took the step into the labyrinth of self in middle age. Eventually, I learned about magic. I remembered my lessons. I knew how to bring all to centre and into balance. Heart Magic.

I'm part of this experiment. I know I can get what I want, and I've seen it at work. I've always had a perceived free will, and my strange path to this power went through the heart. My stumbling unto the path of magic and power was because of a quest to contact the Great Goddess. I lacked understanding of who she was, but I felt her calling and followed the path to her doorstep. Subsequent understanding revealed she is my heart. She is the principle of love within this universe. When presented with the opportunity to get what I want, I soon had to reconcile this with my truth. My magic can be of a path to power if I so chose. It's black magic and I can fulfill all my wishes and damn the consequences. I know from the teachings of the maestro and the Mesa that with this power one must reconcile the opposites or else you will destroy yourself and others. I know the goal is to bring all into the centre, which the pre-Columbian masters in the Andes called the chaupi. It's the centre of centres and this place refers to the heart. The transformational process is called tinkuy. The physical location is Chavín de Huantar in the Peruvian Andes. The temple is designed to remind you to reconcile all opposites to centre.

This is the test. I'm an avatar of the divine masculine given knowledge and power. I have to understand it first. And then how am I going to use it? I cleared my mind and knew what I wanted. I saw back into my childhood and early life, and I know my mission in life. I know if I don't try to fulfill that mission I'm going to wither away. The path towards what I seek has been revealed to me and then I was presented with a challenge. I could dull the pain and get temporary relief by casting a spell. I could grab what I want, or I could elevate the experience into one which involves the heart. The tempting solution is instant gratification which I know will lead to a rocky future. I've learned some lessons in this life and the big one is to use the magic of love. Not a crass form of desire fulfillment through love magic but to send out the vibration of the heart and in turn form a balanced love. I want this to last and stand the test of time. I can temporarily get what I want but eventually she always leaves me when the spell wanes. It's like a timer starts counting down the moment the Goddess is back in my arms. The lesson is on repeat and finally I have to change my ways and approach this using what I know. I can get what I want but what do you really want?

Selfishness dissolves away and I offer myself in love.

moonday

Monday, the day of the moon, makes the cannabis stronger and the result is a day full of conspiracies. Shaping energy into new narratives causes conspiracy theory thinking. There are many high functioning people who don't understand this cosmic dramatic principle and they sound like crackpots. If they only knew their conspiracies are all true with the caveat the unfolding of what they understand isn't occurring in this reality. A bit of a mind fuck I'd say.

As I have previously written, the pyramids encode the number 7 and are testaments to the knowledge of vibrational cycles. Apollo's birthday is celebrated on the 7th of each month. Why is it 7? It's a reminder. What's the reminder? There are infinite stories being told by Dionysos in the labyrinth called life. He takes the energy and creates narratives in multiple consciousness planes. The genius is in reshaping the same energy into parallel stories within these planes of existence. Seven is the key to Apollo figuring out the game being played by the madman Dionysos and seeing beyond the veil. To get divinatory knowledge what you do is choose the obvious seven narratives that fit into and animate your life. Because you are ensconced in consensus reality, it's hard to unravel what's going on in parallel realities. The blinders of immediate experience and emotion obscure your ability to see, seeing in the sense of knowledge of what's ahead once you step through the doorway. You cross the threshold. I am getting at entering a parallel story and then reading ahead in the twisted drama of life. Because you haven't bought into that story as reality, it is easy to do. This is how you peer into the future because you see what's going to happen in a parallel dimension and then adapt that foresight to your situation as your guide. So, why Apollo? He has the power to interpret the visions. He can make sense of Pythia's visionary insanity at the Temple of Apollo at Delphi. The chaos of all these stories pours into her and she just spits out nonsense. I do the same in altered consciousness. The knowledge pours out of me and then my power of Apollo slows it down and can examine it. Then he tells me what it means.

I crack the code through changing consciousness. Drugs take me to where I want to go and I'm good at not falling off the cliff into madness. Other explorers can use meditation or breath work to alter consciousness. Maybe spirituality will get them there. They can touch something with sex. I want to go fast! I want to get to the knowledge and bathe in it. I can handle it and so off I go. Mary Jane I can work with because I can throttle the outpouring once I get there. I can't do that with Huachuma. Huachuma is a little out there. At Chavín de Huantar in the Andes mountains it was so strong I remember noticing how far gone I was. The same intoxication was present at the final ceremony while we were celebrating Parker and don Howard's life. I was gonzo and couldn't be present.

The universe is large enough to hold the energy which makes the content of the book of life. The book is infinitely entertaining to one who immerses themselves in the story. The labyrinth of experience will truly get you lost. From afar you marvel at the ingenious creation of Dionysos. As the actor, you see how the twists hypnotize you into forgetting you are acting, and you can fully commit to the part. Apollo the genius can see what this madman, the mad hatter, is up to. Even Apollo is amazed. "You are twisted! This is insane! The master storyteller, thespian, and wizard of the grand stage I bow to you, Dionysos." Apollo would expect nothing less from this god but still to see it in all its glory is the most breathtaking thing to witness. What a gift to the gods. Infinite entertainment on a super-sized and unfathomable scale. Every genre covered and all is fresh and new. The divine playwright inserts free will at certain points and with the choice made, pens the next chapter.

I sense we all have seven main storylines. Or at least that's what Apollo told me. There are others, but we aren't that interested now. These are mine:

Horror

Gangster

Politics

Human Drama/Physical and Mental

Magicians

King and Queen

God and Goddess

I'll replace the monarchy with a psychological thriller. A lot of people like Aliens/UFO stories. Ghosts. I haven't really explored those narratives.

I sat down on a fallen tree log out in the forest and made the connection of the wilderness being the road you travel between planes of consciousness. The wind picks up as you wander through the mental and physical wilderness. I sensed the same experience in travelling between cities here on earth. Cities are suppositories of stories and full of distractions and spells. We get lost in the big cities and need to escape to the country to find ourselves. Seven chakras hold the key to the seven stories of our lives. The stories are colourful descriptions of energy cycles called vibration that are oscillating between high and low. Dionysos, the master of the drama, crafts these vibrations into stories. He is so good at it he can make multiple compelling stories from the same bucket of energy. Dionysos wrote them all using the same formation of energy. He is the master at manipulating energy. All the stories must balance. Reshaping reality can't leave remainders, or it doesn't work.

Mary Jane doesn't put me in a questionable and delusional state that the more potent plant medicines can bring you into. There's a saneness to it. The acquired knowledge has a plausibility to it. The knowledge pours in, and I can grasp it without spinning it into a far-fetched story. There's truth to the stories from the other psychedelics but the onset is too much, and I question it. I thought of a basic story which can describe my life. It has a gangster vibe to it and is reminiscent of the simplicity of a story like Pulp Fiction. It's a highly entertaining take on recent events with the bonus it is very easy to project the result of current actions into the future. A level down from that story would be a horror flick replete with blood sucking monsters coming for you.

In one of these stories, the feminine monster is feeding off the life force of lust and the victim gets noticeably thinner to the point where people start mentioning it in casual conversation. There's a worldwide conspiracy designed to steal my power and sell it on the black market. The femme fatale charged with stealing my power falls in love with me and the operation is put in jeopardy. She's the bait but the inner conflict between love and greed becomes too much to handle. Everything falls apart and the co-conspirators flee. There's a vampiric force feeding off me and draining me of my life force. Once hollowed out I am discarded until I can fatten up with that valuable life force again. It's the cyclical coming and going of attraction. Once I am peaking with strength again, the parasites return. In some planes of consciousness, it's lust, in others it's the spiritual life force, or the blood being sucked out by vampires. In the realm of magic, it is my acquisition of the power to cast spells that others plot to steal. At the level of God and Goddess, I step into my power as God while others worship me, hoping to be given some of my power. They appeal to the Goddess for help in getting to me. There are many ways to interpret this energy. In this realm, shame forces her to flee after filling herself of my power of lust. In retrospect, I can see the clues given out in the behaviour of others. The clues are referencing the story and how it plays out and moves along. Some clues have surprised me. Especially about lust. It makes me smile.

I have repeatedly seen the multiple storylines in psychedelic journeys. I didn't understand them, but I see it clearly now. Different stories at various levels are always playing out. Multiple storylines and choose your own adventure thrills. Reality is all stories and there's a bunch of them. You can pick the story. If you read and act them out, they become true. The book has the story written down as opposed to it being acted out. Everyone wants access to that book of life! Within all the stories are choice and free will points. With the help of the director Apollo, the actor chooses a path, and that story is written up until the next checkpoint in the drama. There's no free will if it has been written. The choice activates the writer Dionysos to pen the coming scenes.

You can get what you wish for if you are friends with the writer. The form your wish materializes into you may not recognize, but it is what you wanted. You get the energetic result however the master storyteller Dionysos plays with the energy and shapes it into a device to move the story along. You don't know what he will do to make the drama more interesting. For instance, the character of my friend Parker was awesome, but he was too good. Eventually, the story would suffer. In this realm he had an accident, in another realm he was sacrificed like Jesus, and in another he was getting in the way of the operation the gangsters were running, so he was eliminated. These are all the same story of energy coming into existence, shining, and then crashing into the void. Dionysos has many ways to write the mercurial tale.

Dionysos writes for one genre and then crafts the energy to fit other planes of consciousness, which are simply different stories all involving the same energy. The energy is shaped into compelling dramas. This can get funny especially if you write sex acts into one level that are repeated through all levels. He wrote a bawdy piece and then had to figure out how it works at the classier levels. If sex toys are part of the lower levels of consciousness, how does that fit into the sophisticated level of King and Queen? Time to get creative or just fetishize the royal sex life.

Human drama is always compelling, though slow at times to develop. It always gets high approval ratings and thus it is the common frequency we all lock to and want to act within. We want to star at this level, but you know if it is not working for you, find your niche and make that your game.

The gangster storyline is a favourite of mine. I like operating at the magic level; however the simplicity of the gangsters is entertaining. I can see friends playing great roles in this drama. One of my friends has a great name for a mobster. He's a great actor and going places in this celestial drama. He'll get a spinoff or leading role for sure. What a masterful actor on the multiple stages of life. He's the femme fatale's true love. They join forces and think they can mess with me and steal my power. Time reveals they have bitten off more than they can chew. I make her fall madly in love with me and she must choose. She goes for him but turns out he's secretly gay and takes the treasure for himself. She is left with nothing. The Goddess screams at Dionysos: "You're a misogynist! Why would you write that ending? Asshole." She takes advantage of me, and he takes advantage of her. I wrote a preposterous story for him. He can't please her. I can! Then she fell in love with me and had to eventually choose. Dionysos responds: "How about I write a nicer one where you live happily ever after with your children? Nobody wants to watch that. The horror one has you sucking the life force away but in the human drama you change and make amends while your children care for you. The life force you drained can be the financial stability for you and your kids. You want that? A misogynist wouldn't write an ending. They'd want you to suffer for what you did to that poor soul. Or maybe he deserved it. Hiding his shit, he got what's coming to him."

You manifested this. It's your fantasy come true, and the gangster storyline is so compelling. The outcome in the realm of the celestial monarchy is more refined. You must dress up the intrigue in drama at the court where the Queen plots to assassinate the King and run off with her lover. It's selected theatres for that movie because as a species we are tiring of the whole royalty thing. There's a segment of royalists who still get entertained by these stories, so we keep it going.

I like switching channels and changing reality. The gangster one gives me big clues. It's so in your face. Dumb but fun and predictable. In the gangster version there's multiple psychic projections of the femme fatale. She morphs between bodies and engages the intended mark with her trickery. No wonder she's disgusted with you since she knows all your dark secrets, but they're hers as well. She keeps coming back to you, unable to think clearly because only you can satisfy her. Does she love you or does she just want to take advantage of you? Why does it have to be either - or? To further the story along is a wise wizard, like a Yoda, dropping clues and advice. At first, I don't trust him, but then I see he is a mirror for my life, and I can run things past him first to see how they work out.

When you figure out your seven stories it is easy to get paranoid seeing it play out on different levels. How the hell is this possible? Now I know how I peered into the future with Huachuma. I saw some stories being projected on the big screen and then the common elements to the stories played out in my normal life. Which story is really real? Just because I lock to this story's frequency doesn't mean it's the real one. It's just consensus reality. We agree it's real, so we leave it at that. Madness will ensue if you really think about it. The antidote is none of it is real. They are stories. Magic. Coincidence. Stupidly real. All intuition. Do the other actors know? I know. They don't know I know because they are unsure. They take psychedelic drugs with me and get an inkling, a brief look into what's going on, but then they let it go. There's an element of belief involved. They dismiss it and find spirituality, go off on some trip to be holy or of service, and pit the light against the darkness. If they only knew it's all an act.

The gangster story continues - I keep hinting at I know the game and I make others perplexed. What does he mean? Does he know what we are up to? Is he playing along? He knows something. I don't understand what he knows but it's something significant. So, he's playing along and messing with us? Is he going to screw up our plan? He's just crazy. He seems pretty genius level. He can see into the game. He's only going along with it because he knows who we are. Is he going to let us get away with it? Who are we? Maybe I am who he says I am. Is he mad or does he know? I want to react with some anger or incredulity that they would play that part to hurt me. Then I realized it's a drama and they are the best actors, so lost in their parts everyone thinks it's real. That's the sign of a great actor. They don't know they are acting. If they know then the performance suffers. So, you're the one who knows we are all acting. Is this going to affect your performance? Nah, because it was my goal in the drama and now that I know it will add so much spice to the drama. The audience will be like "he knows" and he is going to play along. When things start working out like he saw in vision and predicted everyone is going to be amazed. However, if you keep giving the story away, they will have to lock you up, so keep cool. You can make yourself paranoid from thinking they know. I want to know about the secrets of existence, but I don't need them in on it. Dionysos says, "Don't worry, they won't put in the effort to get this far, or I'll scare them away. You're just paranoid! I just write in a few coincidences they spout and don't know why they are doing it.... or do they?"

I'm in the human drama. That's my game but I can peer into the other ones. Not only that, but I can read ahead in the other ones and then figure out my situation. I take the energy and mold it into my world. It's not as crass as the gangster level or as highbrow as King and Queen royalty. What a different world that is. Pockets of it in this world. Same as horror story. Dionysos is mad. He must be. How can you write all this and be sane?

The magician knows the secret to reshaping the energy. This is how the story plays out. Dionysos is going to let you write part of the story. What will you write? Are you a good enough writer to write the drama you want with the result you desire? Don't make it dull. Master illusion. Of course, the great storyteller Dionysos was known everywhere in antiquity. Others have seen through the veil, especially in ages long gone. He gets his due. I'm starting to create good stories. I have the horror reptile monster thing. The gangster story. Our human drama. Magicians. King and Queen. Goddess and God. What just is. I can get a good idea of how my life will play out until I hit the next fork in the road which is a fancy way of saying make a choice.

This Mary Jane is like an Ayahuasca rollercoaster, and I need to slow down! This is an incredible outpouring of knowledge and stories, but my head is starting to spin. When's the intermission? This is intense. Not uncomfortable, but the energy exchanged to access this knowledge is a good amount. I need a few days off. I must find ways to anchor me here or I'll go off into another world. I wonder how good am I at faking I'm not high? I imagine just like acting, you get better with experience. MJ is stronger today. The story of stories was quite entertaining. I want my dramas to have it all and draw in audiences. They will discuss who is the better actor - Goddess or God? Who gets the awards? Who wins?

I've wondered about this before but in my life, I notice how I either push people away or they leave me. I have theories why that is, and there is more to discover. I know I want to be alone in order to recharge. My energetic battery gets drained by others, and I need to get away in order to fill up. This is connected to the predatory story where monsters want to devour me as well as the simple gangster story where others scheme to capture my essence and bottle it up. In this world I started losing a bunch of weight. It's undeniably true and funny. The humour is in knowing it's a drama. What's not so funny is I must get away, and it causes loneliness. I make connections with others and then it is severed. I'm left with my dog who I love dearly. My energy powers my family so they stick around. My dual nature is omnipresent. I want to make my kids happy by writing good parts for them. Aw, he loves family. What about his dark side? He is going to do what? Oh, I don't like his character anymore. I'm beauty. Then I'm not.

The mind is in a different consciousness plane than the body, but they are intrinsically connected. The mind and body retain a connection though the stories can differ. The mind can invent a different reality as compared to the physical world. Someone who is said to be living in their head is truly living in their mind and needs to come back to reality. The physical reality instead of the mental reality. The mental stress will affect the physical body. Is the opposite true? Unable to do the things you used to do as you age will cause depression.

If you equate being high with secret knowledge, then you'll get paranoid. All my life I was kept away from drugs. Once he gets them, he will crack reality and then it's going to reveal all the secrets. Slow thoughts down and then you can examine and understand them. To get this far, you must approach madness. Take a deep breath and come back. I went out far today. MJ gives me a hyper mind and I can get caught up in the adventure and forget who I am. These stories work in many ways where you remember you are a magician and forget you are everything. The more you learn, the madder you will appear. However, I have the power to hold it all together and look like I'm okay. The psychosis is manageable with MJ. She takes you to that place, but you can function and modulate the high and stay in that zone. I slow down the knowledge revealed so I can make sense of it.

The Moonday ended with the Great Goddess teaching more about the path of love. All the stories I was witness to, have as a possible ending love. They can be fairy tales where you live happily ever after. Even the Pulp Fiction story of gangsters, betrayal, and greed can be transformed with love. Love permeates all levels of consciousness.

This was a three-day retreat being high with Mary Jane. What normally takes months to crack open, all pours out with her. I sense she takes me to the edge of madness, and I can hang out there for a while. I slow down the frenetic and whirling energy enough so I can read it and take it in. I'm beyond grateful, over the moon you could say. This has been perfect. The unveiling of what I can do now has come at the precise moment in my life I can use these methods of clairvoyance with wisdom. Drugs are wasted on the young. There is no way they can fathom the grandiosity of what is happening without study and experience. My early abstinence from all mind-altering substances is good fortune, aided by the guiding hands of my benefactors. I sense how drugs can destroy a mind which is impressionable and not ready for the profundity of the experience. I baked in a base level for my mind over the years. I recognize sanity and insanity, know when I straddle the line, and I leave a trail of breadcrumbs so I can return.

Mary Jane wins. She gives Dionysos the ideas and desire to write this truly twisted book.

the dawn of Apollo

I go by the online name Apollo though no one really knows why. It is because the second time I drank the psychedelic plant medicine Ayahuasca I surfaced my darkness, he chided me, and repeatedly whispered the name. He chased me home all the while continuing to harass me, letting me know he was with me, and I couldn’t escape. It scared the bejeezus out of me and as I came to terms with that harrowing experience, I adopted the name as a show of strength and resolve. I've since done a lot of exploring of my subconscious region and have reconciled with my darkness. I embraced that part of me and sometimes I stand in awe of what he represents and can accomplish. This is in opposition to the part of me that has come forth in this lifetime who I labelled as Apollo.

The darkness within is omnipotent and eternal. To understand this, view him as the writer of the play and yourself as the character actor. Your part will come and go, and you rely on him to draft the next story. He plays his cards close to the vest and is the one that stirs the pot so that the reason I incarnated into this body has a chance of fulfillment. As Apollo, I am initially ignorant of the whys and whats, but within I contain this reservoir of reason and logic which allows me to figure out anything I put my Apollo mind towards. As the light, I'm brilliant. I'll toot my own horn and will exclaim my mind is exquisite. It takes a bit to get going as I gather up what I need to come to a conclusion. Apollo likes preparation and organization. I have made many connections in parallel worlds and If I ask my spirit guides for guidance I'll get the answer, though it might be a bit for the reveal. Usually, I don't get the answer until I run through the whole situation and then I can clearly see what's going on. The result is solid, and I am amazed at what I can learn by trusting this process. I came here an empty vessel and have built this unstoppable character. It's something to have a little pride in as I was competing with a part of me that knew everything yet wasn't in charge of the ship.

As a reconciled partnership I am satisfied that part of my life has been a success. This split is within every human being and as a culture we suppress it. We have labels such as crazy to prevent you from exploring. We have pills which will numb you so you can keep the other buried. We have people who are struggling with this, might have an inkling of what's going on, but then do nothing about it. Sometimes a flip will occur where the other takes control of the vessel. The wake of confusion and destruction left by this event touches everyone in their life and leaves a trail of sorrow.

Sunday is definitely Apollo's day. A day to celebrate the bright light generated by the sun. Apollo has a beautiful mind because of this light. He's a genius. What a combination I am - brilliance and a lust that rises from the darkness. Lust is good. People want to be around you because you make them feel good. They don't know why and sometimes I don't get it. Lust.

Spiritual lust is a thing. I'm not talking about lust for all things spiritual and holy. I'm talking about desire. Raw lust. Serpent power. It's spiritual fire. A holy dose of lust was given to this actor to see if I could handle the role of a lifetime. I can handle it all, right? I can walk to the edge of madness and not fall off the cliff. I can peer into the rantings of Pythia and not go insane from the otherworldly contact. Instead, I can interpret what she is babbling about. 

Only a King could handle this dose. Then the King had to make do in a world full of the denial of desire. Our lives are structured to hide what culturally shameful acts light up our lives. Imagine being me? First, not understanding the cyclical hurricane of lust which tore through my life. I kept it together and made it through the repetitive storms. Society has many traps for those like me and I somehow avoided them all. It's quite remarkable. I look back on my life and see I did what I had to do to weather the storm before I got let in on the secret. Now I know the role I'm playing. It is liberating.

You're not going to find pure lust! If you are enraptured with this affliction of the seven deadly sins from the Book of Dionysos then you will satiate it. Pure lust doesn't exist. If you are lust, then morals and values defining purity are chains of repression. Patience is a virtue, so virtue is spiritual! Lust is a virtue but not given its proper due. Patience is knowledge knowing you can be patient and have a better chance of success. It really is not a virtue, it's a cheat code. Lust works better with patience because the desire cycle will return. A good magician knows the cycles. A combination of lust with patience will eventually triumph. Let's give faces to these qualities because humans are great actors. Anthropomorphize the lustful energy. Lust has incarnated! Humans will give it a good show.

Dionysos has authored many stories. I'm reading one right now. Actually, I'm living it. It's like Romeo and Juliette but better. Shakespeare was great but the Master of the Drama is King. The story revolves around the King trying to get the hand of the Queen while disguised as lust. He is told to leave her be. All involved are shamed and sullied because of the relationship of the Queen to her passions. The story seems simple, yet the unfolding is a web of complexity.

This is another day with Mary Jane for me. I can postpone the boomerang effect of the coming down from the drug if I stay high on it. I noted it causes irritability and rage the next day if you don't get back with her. No wonder Juliette could be a monster. She's ashamed of you Romeo, can't you see it? Society as the psychological superego puts a heavy price on this illicit affair. Romeo is remarkably strong to handle this as rejection at this level could make a mere mortal crumble after being turned to stone. Juliette still cares about lust however she has to disappear him to keep his intoxicating effects away. Good luck. She's of two natures: Her carefree side is awesome, but her responsible side is mean and ruthless. Romeo must stay away even though he checked the boxes Juliette wanted in a partner. That combination had never been found before in her search for a mate. Juliette would chase the bad boy for the lust hit but what a disaster. Never met one of these who was smart and had it together. Then she found one of a kind; kind of like a unicorn, but something about him causes you shame. Alas, she couldn't get past the shame. Shame that was foreshadowed just months before in a previous relationship that demonstrated the writer’s genius. Who knew how big a role shame plays in our lives? We want to be good and accepted in the eyes of others. She couldn't come out of the lust closet.

Romeo noticed how he could feel her starting to reject him. It was a feeling of slipping away but he didn't understand why. It's because he was trying to figure it out in this dimension. Romeo is a genius, so he will eventually figure it out. The only way this love affair would work is if Juliette ran away with Romeo and lived free from those who would judge her. Alas, in this tale of woe Juliette accused Romeo of wanting to take her away from those who loved her. A revelation revealed that another consciousness dimension held the key to the answer Romeo is looking for. 

Imagine you are Romeo and existing in Juliette's world? A world ruled by the expectations of her family and friends. A need to feel accepted and not disappoint them though you knew you were living two lives. There's the successful and professional woman. She really has it going on. Nobody needs to see the other half. The hot mess who makes sparks fly. The lustful Romeo had to be kept under wraps. One night, Romeo met her friends and afterwards Juliette had to rage at him. They were judging her for her choice of lover and she took it out on poor Romeo. Juliette's an open book and eventually Romeo picked it up and read it cover to cover.

Mary Jane can elicit physical well-being and mindful bliss in addition to gobs of knowledge. She makes me happy and gives me all the knowledge I can handle. She can't be classically addictive in that I crave her and it's because to partake in what she offers is like a planned outing with friends. I like hanging out with my friends. Sometimes, it's the Goddess, or other days Dionysos shows up. Today, it was Apollo, and he was figuring it all out. I know I must plan out the day so that the intense effects hit when I'm in the woods if I want to get what I'm looking for. If I'm not in the correct setting or my mind is occupied, it's a bit of a waste, and my friends will cancel. In other words, I can't half ass the experience. I have to honour the day. I must plan it out and appreciate how special it is to enter this space. Since my life doesn't have the space available to always partake in a day like this, I know addiction isn't going to work for me. Is that the key to not becoming addicted? Reverence? It seemed that way with the tobacco I smoked. Smoked a lot. Never got addicted.

Revelation time. Fuck, I am nuts. I should turn this tap off. The knowledge is just pouring out.

Ayahuasca reveals to you the mystery. Huachuma cracks the knowledge shell and you peer in. Mary Jane gets to the good stuff. She opens the tap. The way in is through MJ once the spells are removed and the heavy lifting is done. There's a sane aspect to MJ that lets me understand what I'm being shown.

I had a dream over a year ago in which I was with three friends out in the wilderness. The woman in the group, my own Juliette, took me to this place and had me peer into an opening in the earth. I went into an Ayahuasca like trance and then this female demon appeared. She grabbed my heart and started to squeeze it. I woke up in a panic and felt the pressure on my heart. That demon was trying to kill me. I didn't understand the significance. I was friends with the woman who took me there so it couldn't have been her.

The oracle at the ancient Greek temple of Apollo at Delphi must have been something to witness. I understand it now after today. Apollo's brilliant mind will figure out the incessant ramblings of a psychedelic experience. Channel Apollo and he will interpret it all for you. I was a few hours into this experience and I knew I was going to get a dose of darkness. I welcomed it before the tobacco hit. I knew Apollo was going to interpret that dream for me.

She knew who you were and what you represented to her. She tried to kill you. You should keep your distance and lay low. She wants you gone and will destroy you if necessary. I stayed one move ahead and got away alive. She tried to distract herself from you with others but when she gave in to her desires it was delicious. She knew what she had succumbed to, the chemistry was crazy, and her other self wasn't amused. She was ashamed of herself, letting someone take her like that. She's a respectable and responsible professional who is going to make it in a man's world. I know her secrets and wanton desires. I can fulfill those desires. There's a psychological conflict happening as a result. The coup was completed for control of Juliette and the responsible one took the reins. Total bitch mode engaged. Goodbye lust, I don't need you in my life. Read the tea leaves my friend and stay away.

The flame stays lit. It's going to return. Lust is a drug, and you will see signs of addiction. It will appear and you will wonder what she is addicted to and then one day in a moment of drug-induced clarity, you see it.

I can be safe if you just wanna play. I'm an avatar of lust. I'm sought after. I will fulfill all your dreams and your hidden desires. So many want to sacrifice lust or keep it locked up. For the longest time I'd be in plant medicine ceremonies having an omnipresent feeling of impending death, sometimes an overwhelming feeling of being sacrificed. If I'm in a retreat group with someone feeling the shame of lust then I will feel it, especially with Huachuma. The lust floodgates are opened with this medicine. I see it clearly now. 

Nothing means nothing now. It's that this new lens of seeing is altering the past. What is being revealed is comforting. I know why now. I wanted that understanding. It's not you, it's them. Who you are intensely attracts and the corollary is non-attraction. May I say repulsion? Revulsion! This role is awesome. Thanks, Dionysos.

And thanks to Apollo - my brilliant mind. I can glide with ease between Apollo and Dionysos. I can get my fill of knowledge and understanding and then remember to play. I become Dionysos and engage in the passions of being alive.

I'll wait for you Juliette and keep the flame burning. I will always wait for you. You know that.

a day with Dionysos

I started to get an inkling of what's up after I returned from Texas the second week of October. I realized I could see into the future because reality is a book, and I was given the ability to read ahead in the story via parallel storylines. The book has already been written. The story plays out in multiple dimensions because the master of the drama is so incredible, they can weave a multidimensional storyline to demonstrate their mastery. You choose your path, and the narrative unfolds. You determine the arc of the story when given a choice and in response the master dramatist has already prepared multiple outcomes for the storyline you follow. Each consciousness plane, which is another storyline, has events that are congruent in relation to all the other planes. That is truly a mind bender.

The question of what animates my existence or why do I carry on with life is clear to me. There must be a reason you get out of bed in the morning and put in an effort. I don't have to. I don't have to work full time plus more. I can just say fuck it. So, that's a good place to start. I like a heated home and somewhere soft to sleep. Meals are good. I like having dependents who I can support though eventually they take advantage of the situation. Pets are my best bet. I love taking care of my dog. Walking her and feeding her healthy food. It gives me a feeling of purpose and demonstrates I'm not irredeemably selfish. In doing a personal values assessment four years ago and then ignoring it for four years turns out to be a good barometer of my values. The questionnaire revealed my motivations as being centred around finding meaning in life. More accurate would have been finding the meaning of life.

I'm deluded enough to think at age 55 I have found what I was looking for. I can't express this to anyone without them questioning my sanity and I have accepted this. My goal is to demonstrate to others the nonsense I spout is the truth of the situation. The best part of knowing I know is I have accomplished this at a decent age. If I can hang out in this body for another 30 years with this level of knowing it will be quite the trip.

I realize this may sound like the rantings of a madman so it's best here that I lend credence to what I'm saying about parallel stories consisting of the same bucket of energy but just reshaped into another drama. Or look at it as a painting that contains the same composition of paint; it's just placed on the canvas in a different order and direction. Your guide to understanding this is the pyramid. Here it is: Our existence is defined by vibration, and they are cycles of up and down, high and low, coming and going. On earth our cycles sync with the sun and the moon. The solar cycle is masculine in nature. There are four waypoints within the circle which we call equinoxes and solstices. There are three cycles of the feminine new and full moon to travel between equinox and solstice. Four masculine intersections defined by three feminine cycles. The paint strokes are seven in nature. Take this celestial painting and apply it to a new canvas. If you are starting to see what I'm going to reveal, take a moment to think about how clever this is and by changing your thinking to understand what is going on will open many more interpretations of life. So, I'm going to paint a new picture of the truth of the sun and moon and their relationship to our lives. I'm going to construct a pyramid. The masculine base will have four, and the feminine contribution to the geometric form will be three sides to each base. You can see it clearly now. Pretty fucking amazing when it reveals itself to you. You can take it further with the twelve moons within the solar year and realize the pyramid's four three sided triangles equals the same twelve.

My story continues to unfold. The flow will dictate the outcome. I think I can alter it, but it's just me thinking I'm in control. My nature in the story brings me to the point where I have a decision to make and an action to follow up with. What will I choose?

I'd often write we are living in a dream. This consciousness experiment is a book. It's already been written. As Dionysos, I am master of the drama. The god of the theatre. This book I wrote turned into the greatest play ever written. Haha! I missed that clue for a while. I wrote the BOOK, and we are reading along. I saw into the future with the plant medicine Huachuma. Huachuma allows you to skip ahead in the book. If you skip too far it won't make sense. I guess you can skip to the end and see how it plays out. At some point I cleverly ran out of names for my characters, so I started repeating and combining them. I started noticing this a while ago and thought it was funny. At the time I didn't realize it was one of the first clues which would allow me to decipher the riddle. I left a lot of clues within the book, so I'd eventually wake up and see what's going on.

There are multiple storylines within multiple consciousness planes. The Goddess weaves them together to create the ultimate book. It's a multidimensional paperback. I drafted a story that plays out here but if you get bored you can change consciousness planes and see the exact story acted out but with a different energetic circumstance, props, and actors. How masterful is that?

Within the 14 billion solar year physical creation story unfolds an exciting narrative that follows the rise and fall of human civilizations. The book opens with a big bang. Talk about adventure as this universe came into existence and eventually the story became focused in a faraway galaxy on this little blue dot, we call Earth.

Imagine walking this path of knowledge for fifteen years, putting in the effort, having people say you're nuts, and then one day stand in front of your crazy Mesa and have this understanding wash over you. It then becomes all worth it and you look back and think fifteen years? Nobody is going to retrace my steps. But here it is. I have now shown you that what I know is the truth of the matter. I see what's going on. I see the multiple dramas playing out as different constructions of the same energy which have been written by a playwright who is a madman. He writes twisted tales that are full of choice and never ending. His name is Dionysos.

Remain open in your thinking and don't feel you have to shoehorn the energy into some preconceived pattern. The flowering of the energy is unique and ever changing. Take the idea of seven and now look at the chakra system. Seven energetic waypoints. The heart is in the middle. There are three chakras on either side of the heart. The relationship of the fourth to the three gives you seven. The painting is exquisite and offers a unique perspective. It reveals how the trifold nature of the feminine needs the heart to be complete and the four of the masculine is nothing without the three of the feminine. This all applies to worldly and spiritual pursuits. The chakra painting demonstrates the importance of love. All adventures in these multiple dramas can be reconciled in the heart. Whenever things get out of control or cause you pain, re-centre into the heart and love will get you through it.

Cannabis edibles are it for me. There's no going back now. The knowledge that has been pouring forth while under the influence of Mary Jane has been so astounding and clear. The way reality has been presented to me seems fantastical, yet it all adds up. The clarity on why things happened is rock solid, so when I question it or try to assign it to delusion, I admit it's the clearest explanation for what happened to me in 2023. My Apollo mind is fucking brilliant and when I add the key to unlock gobs of knowledge it's ridiculous. I've heard of strains of marijuana being cerebral and making this connection for someone already on the edge of the next level of cognition is something else. It's like divorcing myself from consensus reality because I know the game. Along with this realization of knowing the game, I also know how to play the game, so I can hide my knowledge and understanding. I must do it because embracing what just is will lead to observable madness. I can see protesting that I'm not mad while not convincing others this is so. In response I'll have to put on a show of a bumbling fool who is a little deluded.

I remember attending a retreat in 2017 with my friend Parker. Parker earned the nickname during that experience as the "Cosmic Scribe." He carried a notebook around with him in order to record the observations of the day while embraced by Huachuma. It was a smart play and a good student like Parker made sure he captured all the pearls of wisdom along with noteworthy events of interest. I mention this because once the knowledge jar was opened for me with the edible, I realized I needed to write this information down. It was coming fast, and I knew I wouldn't remember it all. In the past, I'd forget teachings and have to wait until an event resurfaces them. In a way, it made for a longer integration period. Here the information was pouring out like blood from a deep wound. I was out in the woods, so all I had was my phone. I could speak into a recorder or try to write. I chose to make bullet points of what was coming through from diverse levels of consciousness. Some days the information comes from the Goddess, today it came from a masculine source. This leads me to explaining something. At one conscious level, well the top, we are one. It's all you. Me. A level out from that and all is Goddess and God. I like to operate at this cognitive level when dealing with spirits. The fright disappears because there's only two choices - Goddess and God. They will wear a different costume in the grand cosplay, but you can be assured of who you are dealing with. This mirrors my original foray into psychedelics. My first experience was Goddess based. My second was with God. He came across as a demon and scared the daylights out of me. The next Ayahuasca ceremony he fessed up and said he was God. I didn't want to believe him because he was a nut job, yet he hit on all the attributes necessary to make the claim. Understanding apparitions and messengers as divine aspects of Goddess and God is a smart play. You will terminate the fright. All psychedelics are going to eventually scare you, however if ahead of time you are aware of what's going on the upset is manageable. I've got it down to a couple minutes of unease before I laugh. How are you coming on today? A big part of it is balance. If they are shining a light on knowledge, what to follow is a serving of darkness. Embrace the darkness and you are good to go.

On this particular Saturday God came forth as my favourite - Dionysos. Dionysos has multiple storylines on the go because he is the master of the drama. The multiples are multiplied within the multi-levels of consciousness. You can't fathom it. All the stories within the dimensions are interconnected. They are vibrations which appear according to the laws and customs of each dimension. It's the same energy interpreted in many ways from different perspectives. It's ingenious. Imagine being a scientist who starts to hit on this peculiarity? Reality keeps changing depending upon how you look at it, yet it's the same strand of energy. To accomplish this masterful weaving of the story of energy, one needs a touch of mania. Dionysos' drama can be simple and recognizable. Also, it is unfathomably complex. His command of narrative is ineffable. I imagined the all were sitting around the fire in their glory as the all when Dionysos convinced them to become actors in the grand play he was writing. He promised adventure like they had never seen. We are eternal, he mentioned, and thus why sit around for eternity? Let's put on a show!

In the myth, Dionysos is the son of a mortal woman Semele. The inference is Dionysos is of the divine realm and of this world. Dionysos wants to be part of the show. Why not? He can write and act. He can do both. Why just one? His attributes are exciting, and his presentation of wild abandon and the libertine spirit will enliven any tired scenario. The sexual demon spawned by Dionysos is lust. It's a favourite of Dionysos'. The divine feminine will take note of this and will follow. The energetic signature of the piper at the horizons of the mind will attract and bring her to him. Cyclically, the maenad returns to being responsible and her shame sends Dionysos to the shelf. Then is denial. How long will this cycle last?

With this knowledge, I peered into how desire appears in this world and could see how I came forth as a manifestation of lust. Maybe a thought, then an obsession. The pulsing rhythm gets out of hand and the vibration must be acknowledged. Seduction of the mind starts the game, and the attraction is magnetic. It's the chemistry between the two which puts them in harmony. Once they see it... it's too late. They are captured.

It's a story of desire within the grand story of Dionysos. This narrative shows raw Eros as the ultimate power. Boil it down to lust when the winner is decided! Well, I guess it's still ongoing. The order of things or some responsibility Apollo vibe has the floor. How boring. Lust can get ugly when you see someone's shadow and you are not seduced or the desire spell snaps. While under a spell, desire is so beautiful and enlivening. Some may say you are being fooled. A hateful reaction to this realization might not be so great. You got hypnotized by something you willfully conjured. Spellbound with lust? It's what you wanted. What will you choose?

Dionysos lays out his dramas on a timeline to make the energetic strands of existence understandable. Today is Saturnus' day with the connection to time and pointing me towards seven being a major clue. Ah, the planet Saturn of the Electric Universe was woven into this special day where I was long ago made aware of the mix up between Saturn and Saturnus. The planet Saturn of no significance hides the real Saturnus, just like Dionysos conceals himself in this world. A little misdirection to throw us off the trail but I saw through that one a long time ago. So, in preparation for this day, he gave me a little shout out to my cleverness and some foreshadowing.

Lust is madness. I appear mad at times, especially to those not enamoured with me. They go with it when interested. Eventually, they get disgusted with themselves. They are out of control and succumbed to lust. We all have that split that is fostered by the superego. What a conundrum! Who is going to win out? The responsible part of you that is educated and smart? You're such a catch and deserve the best of what life has to offer. You make such a great contribution to society. Such a professional! Then there's the other part of you that is a hot mess. The one that fell for the pull of desire. You went on a spiritual trip and got taken in by your desires. Who's the real you? The faker who wants to be someone because society says you can make it or the carefree spirit who is true to themselves? Dionysos knows what you want and knows you are afraid to commit to it. Lust isn't going away.

I heard a noise. Did someone follow me into the woods? They would get instant confirmation. Yeah, he's insane...

Magic courses through me. Who are you? What is your power? Why haven't you accepted it yet? Are you afraid? The lustful are hesitant to reveal lust. That's what in return makes me shy. Society shames us, so we go underground and then psychologically deal with it. We are also conflicted with the dominant superego. The temporary solution is to always run from your problems.

This is how it plays out here on the earth stage. If this is the game, then patience is a virtue. Another level of consciousness has God as lust seducing the Goddess. She knows when she has found him. The drama is that he disguised himself as desire. Now, her respectful persona must push him away. She realized what he was doing to her, and she couldn't accept her true nature and wanton desires. So, he got sent away. God waits for her in the shadows and knows he will be welcomed back again. Patience and a trust in cycles are up front.

A hit of tobacco potentiated the session. The fierce winds came, and I got a little scared. I'm playing with magic, but not just my own. Mary Jane is seducing me because she knows what I come back for. It's knowledge. A step into her world provides me with more than I imagined. I must write it down. It's so much. Then I thought, what if this is all a fantasy in my head? She's feeding me what I want so I'll come back again and again. Light and dark were present. I just couldn't come here and fill my cup with knowledge. There must be a catch. The drama is the most crucial factor in this equation, and nothing supersedes it. There has to be a side effect, to wit a reciprocal arrangement, in order to get to the knowledge I desired.

I realized I always give myself the either-or option. Either the knowledge is true or she's feeding me bullshit. Hey dumbass! How about both scenarios are true? I get knowledge and her magic seduces me. The ancients called her magic Pharmakeia and warned of her. A lot of the pious wanted to burn her because she's a witch. She will seduce and bewitch you. I remembered Homer's epic Odyssey. So many times, the witch within the Goddess would seduce Odysseus with her charms from her bag of tricks. As a witch she wants to capture your essence. The story of Odysseus has a constant theme of the feminine trying to take Odysseus for her own desires. She finally found the one that works on me! I'm willingly going to let her, but we all know eventually I'll leave in order to further my adventures, just like the hero Odysseus. As we have learned, knowledge is my ultimate seducer and will break any spell.

How do I know if both scenarios are true? I'm a scientist in search of the ultimate knowledge of just what this is, and the feminine magic captured me by figuring out I want knowledge. The knowledge is accurate, and I feel her seduction. She's very clever, giving me what I want. Conversely, I think I am mad, so I think it isn't true. I can't accept both possibilities. I can see the truth and to get to that location means touching madness. I am both mad and correct. All three scenarios are in play. I am mad. This knowledge is the truth bomb. She's addicting you to her medicine.

My rational mind had stepped in and called my waffling self out. If this is seduction, what are you worried about? Oh no, I keep coming back to her and she feeds me knowledge. How malevolent!

I just wanted to scare myself, okay? I was good at it when I was a novice. It adds spice and a little mystery. Plus, those that tap into this world of magic must deal with the fright, and you can laugh at them because you've been through it.

I'm Apollo and Dionysos. I have forbidden knowledge.

I'm poor little me, caught up in the spell of a Goddess.

I'm mad.

I laughed.

I learned way back in 2016 that serpent power can be used for spiritual, health, or sexual power. I was in year three of asceticism and oh boy did my Ayahuasca visions ever give me a dose of sexual energy. Pray with lust and I will heal you too. Creativity is lust channeled into the arts. It's highbrow sexual desire. Take me back. I can be respectable.

Of course, I have the master of the drama within and I'm the closest to his true self. I'm a unicorn and hard to find. She wanted me so I magically appeared before her when she went on a spiritual trip. The coming into being of the concealment of your desires is magical. She played it cool for a bit, but I saw the way she looked at me. She knew it was me lighting her fire. I held her hand and she knew. She doesn't fully accept I'm the King. She suspects it but can't believe both stories are true. I'm a delusion to her. If she keeps me away, she can live the one story and pretend I don't exist anymore.

The presentation of lust is just a step up from the human level. Or is it one down? The basic human level has drama going on. The next level has raw lust going on. That level seems parallel to this one. I unlocked another secret. Multidimensional levels of the drama up and down and in parallel. How many dimensions and then how many dimensions with each dimension? Our lives intersect and are woven together. We create new avenues to explore. This drama will never be boring with the infinite threads to follow. Dionysos has crafted a tale which will amuse for eternity as a gift to all. The writer of the book had to challenge me to solve the puzzle. He couldn't just let me in on the secret. I had to work for it. It's an interesting combination - being a genius and a lustful demon. Two of the greatest features of the greatest God.

Spirituality is just knowledge. We dress it up as holy and put it on a pedestal. What a farce spirituality is. Some of the practitioners speak of higher knowledge so you can see how knowledge and spirituality go together. Others will just play the love all card and that can be spirituality. You don't have to be spiritual to love. Your actions will demonstrate whether you love, not a persona you have adopted.

A day with Dionysos indeed. His divine and twisted book sure gives you the "feels." I can't put it down, it's such a compelling work of fiction that I've totally immersed myself into and bought into the storyline. Highly recommended. 5 out of 5 stars.

getting high

The story of our life is all just window dressing hiding what animates our existence. The drama is a curtain which shields our individual vibrational cycle. The funny thing is it affects us all and we take great pains to put on a show for others, so they don't notice we are all guitar strings that have been eternally plucked. We perform on a stage called Life, a dance of energy which is crafted into a book of life. Full of chapters of ups and downs. We are all energetic dynamos who continually oscillate between on and off. This cycle goes up and it comes down. Learn to rest in peace because the opposite is going to return. We search out the good vibes that will keep us high on the top of the slope and avoid those who will bring us down. The eventuality that we will come down can't be bypassed, but we can seek out methods to lessen the impact. This is life for everyone. We are all junkies; slaves to the high, though the respectable among us will deny this is so. We do irrational things, we engage in mob mentality, we join religious cults, we take stimulants and drugs - all in search of the high. When we have no brakes and get too high, the anxiety pours in. When we hit the low, we wallow in self-pity and hope the doctor can give us a pill to get out of the hole we are in. Unfortunately, the pill prevents us from getting back to the high, we get stuck in being neither high or low, and the vibrancy of life is clouded. All is vibration and we all seek towards finding paths of good vibrations and escaping the bad.

I recently started listening to the 70s rock band ELO. As a youth, I never got into their music. I remembered a few tunes, especially, "Don't Bring Me Down." I recalled thinking it was an annoying song, not at the level of "Electric Avenue" but I would have been happy to never hear it again. Then I entered into a new phase of teachings about vibration, and I heard this song again. Yeah, it certainly encapsulates the motivation behind human interaction and experience.

I went to Texas a few weeks ago while depressed. I'm an even-steven guy so I don't get too high, and I don't get too low. I've never taken anti-depressant or anti-anxiety medications because I'm the human form of those pills. Call me Prozac! I'm in tune with my moods, so I feel the differences in energy, and I was reaching a low point coming into October, though I was trying to distract myself from my feelings. I didn't want to go on this trip and wasn't looking forward to it. I was going to sit in an all-night peyote ceremony in honour of my dear friend Parker. Turns out the peyote wasn't the main event or why I snapped out of my depression. The peyote people got me high. I'd never met a bunch of people who were so loving, supportive, and community minded. The weekend left an indelible mark on me. The high trajectory stayed with me as I returned home.

I surmised the interaction with these people gave me a contact high, alas I was unaware of the magnitude and scope. I got up on the following Saturday and noticed a food delivery charge from a Hamburger joint called A&W on my credit card from 3:30am. My daughter had placed the order. She's a vega-something, so out of late-night desperation she probably got fries or onion rings. I commented that the reason for this expenditure has only two plausible or possible scenarios: Number one is you are drunk. The other is you are high. Maybe both. This was the catalyst for remembering my latest science experiment. I acquired some cannabis edibles to try and figure out why this class of drug has negligible effect on me. I've never gotten high on it. More talkative and social are the observable effects. That morning I was reminded I had these and thought I'd take one late morning. Before I ingested anything, I commented to myself that I feel happy today. After about an hour I was high. I was so happy. I've never felt this happy. I touched true happiness. I went for a walk in the bush, sat down on a fallen tree log, and realized I'd never been truly happy in my life. This was unconditional happiness. I started to cry. I thanked Mary Jane (it's a cute name for the Great Goddess) for this gift.

As I sat in nature the course in vibration kicked into full gear. The teachings all started ten years ago when I first drank Ayahuasca. That first encounter with the Great Goddess ended with her repeatedly telling me all is vibration. I understood from a conceptual viewpoint, but I didn't really understand. The knowledge left a mark on me because I authored a poem about the statement. Four years later I was in the Andes Mountains of Ecuador drinking Huachuma when the grandfather spirit gave me an introductory course in vibration, frequency, harmony, and resonance. At the conclusion of the teachings, he told me I had homework to do regarding vibration. I did some of the work but never cracked the code or got the understanding I was searching for. Six years after that I ate an edible and the download of information was astounding. It just kept coming.

October 14th was the date of the revealing chapter in the vibration course. Of course, all is vibration. I'm in a total happiness vibe. The scientist in me wanted to figure out the combination used to get this happy and high. Was it Kambo, Peyote, or Community that elevated me and then made the edible get me to that high? Was it three cups of coffee? The scientist wants to know.

Then I saw what I wanted to know with striking clarity. Everyone wants that high and is trying to get to it. Whatever raises your vibration we seek out. We cycle between high and low, and the hit can potentiate or lessen the blow. Our behaviour is driven by the vibration. We know the low is coming and we seek out what will control the descent. When we start to get high again, we want to go fast. We want to find something to get us out of the low. We know we can find a similar vibration as ours, find resonance, and rocket to the top but then the horrific crash follows once we head back down the hill. So, we go for something safe, but it doesn't get us to the highest place we want to go. Then we look for the unicorn. The one who promises to modulate but can get us high. We want that high. Can they keep me satisfied while still getting me to that high? Perhaps you will find that fabled horse.

I saw the doorway into magic being the knowledge of vibrational cycles which affect us. First, identity where someone is on their cycle. The magician then manipulates reality to give them what they want and make them dependent on their gift of the hit. The sorcerer knows how to elevate and to take you down. If they can't capture your vibration, they will give you a steady diet of the low cycle and you will curse them for it. Their magic is in figuring out what makes someone tick at the precise moment in their cycle. The key to magic is to know what buttons to push during the cycle - but not too much of a good thing. If you master modulating someone's or your own vibration in order to attack and sustain the energetic pulse, then you know the secrets to magic. If you want to use it for gain, you must be prepared for the unforeseen consequences. We are slaves to that pulse and thus irrational when it comes to getting a hit of the light. Knowing better is not an impediment. Making good choices in our life isn't a concern at the time. We just want another hit. Applying what you think is a positive stimulus at the wrong part of the cycle makes it worse.

We know the stimulant of shopping gives a boost, so that one is very addictive. Look at all the junkies filling the shopping malls on weekends or in their spare time. Spending on what they don't need gets them high. Look at how powerful this is to make rational people do irrational things just to feel that hit! Methods of raising your vibration are rocket fuel to get you higher, or in the case of heading towards depression they offer temporary relief from the coming low. You won't escape it, but you'll try everything to avoid it.

Sex can be used to accelerate cycles. It's nitro. Timed wrong it sends you down deeper. Used on a positive swing, it's bliss.

We eat to get high. Then we get low because we overdo it and get fat. It's a vicious cycle. Let's do a full day of shopping followed by a filling meal. Yes, I feel good now!

The spiritual trip we go on is just another way to get high. I didn't want to admit this truth. I wanted my spiritual seeking to be noble and altruistic. There is an element to that hopeful sentiment. I couldn't turn a blind eye to the whole spiritual scene I'm surrounded by. I see the stench of humanity that permeates it all. This means a palpable decadence to the affair in which a blanket of crassness and hierarchy is overlaid on something you hoped would be pure. Maybe I can be content with the idea that the spiritual path is pure, and we foul it up? Being honest with myself, I know it is just another method I use to get that hit to keep me in the high ledger.

Who is the most high God? Of course, it's my God! He will get me into heaven. Heaven is permanent highness. This makes me chuckle. What an ingenious set up by my friend and confidant. Not only does he understand the course in vibration, but he also helped write it. He knows what motivates us, so he positioned himself as God and then worded the exercise so that if you are exemplary, you will be rewarded with being permanently high. This is so fucking funny. This is ingenious.

Listening to Ram Dass gets me high. He is a spiritual trip.

Music gets me high. It's my go to after a workday. Some people like to get anesthetized by television and alcohol after the day is done. I love the energy of a good beat or catchy tune to lift my spirits.

Parker was a master at raising people's vibration. He had many "best friends" because to be in contact with this guy meant you'd always want to go back for another hit of Parker's positivity. At the peyote gathering to memorialize him, many got up to praise Parker. It was more than praise. You would have thought Parker became Jesus in this lifetime. People spoke of this man in reverent tones. It was quite a spectacle. Why not? Parker gave everyone a lift.

There are people who get high by putting others down. The thrill of having power over someone can be a drug. Alternatively, there are those whose outlook just brings you down when you are in their presence. We call them Eeyores, after the pessimistic donkey from the Winnie the Pooh stories.

Eventually, you learn the answer is to embrace your darkness at the bottom of the cycle and transform it into a positive. Like I mentioned, you can rest in this peace. To put this into practice is difficult so the yo-yo continues for all. Head to the light, avoid the dark, chase the high, dread the low. Lay waste to all you treasure to avoid the darkness. Cast blame and aspersions to try and find temporary shelter from the storm. But it's coming, you can't escape it.

The world is a place of extreme vibrations. When I engage in the world, I become attuned to the excitement and lows of collective life. It will tire me out and thus I retreat inwards in order to re-centre. I am aware of my behaviour and need to be alone. Now that I understand vibration and cycles which govern our existence, the teaching cements. I figured out long ago that I'm energetically calm and can affect others' cycles, especially the out-of-control ones. I smooth out the highs and temper the lows. I'm Dr. Feelgood. The way I affect the vibrational slope in someone else makes me attractive. Some would say hypnotic. When they are headed up the mountain, I can make the moment at the top last longer. I have my tricks to add fuel to the fire once there. Then I'm showered with affection. When the vibration starts the downhill descent, I can slow it down. Eventually, I can't prevent the bottom. It's going to pick up speed and then my faults come into play and the other can see into my soul. Because I can modulate highs and lows, I have to make up time somewhere. It's the mid-point where I apply the acceleration and floor it so we can get to the bottom quicker. At the bottom I can smooth that out again. This is how I apply my magic to which I have been unaware for most of my life. For those who want to go fast, they find something to get them to the top in a hurry. They crash and are left a mess until the vibration takes them in a hurry to the bottom. Each energetic peak leaves them comatose. Unbearably high and depressingly low. Then the decision comes whether they want the rocket fuel to the top again and all its problems.

Plant medicines are a pharmacy devoted to vibration. The master plant for all interventions is tobacco. Tobacco elevates and dampens the vibration. The medicine is used in conjunction with intention. Your intention will direct the action tobacco has on what you apply it to. Illness is energetic disturbances, usually of a high vibratory kind. Using tobacco to heal involves reducing the frequency of the malady. In terms of depression, the intention would be to elevate the mood. In other words, raise your vibration. Anxiety is the opposite where the vibration must be tapered and lowered.

I figured out why marijuana never had much effect on me. I mirror the plant. People use it to chill out. Marijuana potentiates the good vibes in the chill until you overwhelm it with your bad vibes, and it gives the negative a boost. I'm chill and I have that effect on others, so when I partook of marijuana, the effect of raising the chill in someone like me who is chilled out had little influence. Ram Dass would say, "When you are already in Detroit, you don't have to take a bus to get there." I'm in Detroit. It was only when I went to Texas and sat with those peyote people that later something happened. Those people got me high and then when I took an edible, I amplified the high. I'd never been high and happy until that moment.

The spigot breeched. The knowledge of the day kept pouring in about vibration and cycles.

Twelve moons are the complete womanly cycle to resonate with the man. Men have four solar cycles within the twelve moons, so each cycle duration is threefold in terms of moons. Women are trifold in nature. Maiden. Mother. Crone. The peaks of high and low, light and dark, are within three moon cycles on repeat through each of the four transits between equinoxes and solstices. The pyramid has four three-sided triangles. The pyramid holds knowledge of the vibratory structure of existence. The dam is breaking, and knowledge is pouring out. I had a dream about the unlucky number 13 being the domain of the woman. The sentiment reflects that there are currently thirteen moons within the masculine year. Thirteen is unlucky because a woman must spend an extra moon cycle trapped in the masculine solar year. It's unlucky because this extra moon is going to be rough for all involved. Over a three-moon cycle, there will be a shift from solstice to equinox or vice versa. The return to solstice is another three moons. Within the masculine year are two trips of six moons between solstice and equinox. The completed journey should be twelve moons. Within the masculine solar year, we go up once and then back down. Within the four quarters of the year are the feminine lunar cycles, so that the trip up and down the mountain has the more frequent feminine variation of high and low mixed in with a more constant masculine high and low.

The feminine and masculine cycles to be in harmony involve a sun year of 360 days and a month consisting of 30 days. There would be 12 moons within the solar year. The solstices and equinoxes would all be marked by an alignment with the moon. Three moons to the equinox and another three to the solstice. In sync, our vibration goes up over a six-month period and then comes down. We have two solstice peaks combined with an uphill climb and a descent. The equinoxes put us in balance.

Women and men do not live in harmony, and this is reflective in the celestial truth. The masculine sun takes a little longer than 365 days to complete the year and the feminine moon takes 29.5 days to complete her cycle while around 27 days to orbit the material earth. However, the duration of the lunar cycle can vary by almost two days. How's that for unpredictability? When we are to renew our wedding vows you will see within the cosmos an alignment of these cycles. Further complicating matters is the 13th moon needed within the masculine solar year. The three four relationship is broken.

Let me use an example to try to explain what I mean. Let's say a woman and a man's cycles start to align and they reach congruence and total resonance on April 17th. They would reach the summit together in a perfect union before the lack of celestial harmony would cause their cycles to go out of sync. Over the course of a solar year their vibrational cycles would diverge by 11 days. This is because the lunar year is 354 days and the solar year is 365 days. The following April 17th would be the high point for the man; however the woman would reach the zenith on April 6th. Further complicating the calculations are leap years every four years because of the quarter extra day in the 365. So, in 2024 the summit for the man would be calendrically April 16th and April 5th for the woman. The disparity would increase every year until the tide turns and the two head back towards synchronicity. 

It is possible to temporarily align cycles within our time on earth, however the resonance is fleeting. Eventually, they will diverge because woman and man are not in harmony. Two can form a union of the highest high when everything aligns. The opposite result is on the horizon and to the lowest low you will sink together. So, do you recognize and ride those waves, or do you misalign the cycles once again, so your partner is balancing out the union? This way the relationship can play off each other's vibrational peaks and valleys and not risk entering together into the lowest low.

When you unlock the secret other mysteries jump out at you such as the aforementioned pyramids. Check out this download of information considering the perfect circle. The lunar cycle is more precisely 29.53 days. Multiplied over twelve cycles pushes the total closer to 355. Then you see a difference of five days for each polarity from the perfect circle of 360. The man got off track, so the woman adjusted her cycle to compensate. This now leaves 13 moons within the solar revolution.

I lived out the most intense vibrational cycle of up and down in my life. It started in October of 2022 and was completed just recently. I reached the top in April of 2023 and then began the descent where I bottomed out in early October of this year. I went through the entire process unaware of how cycles affect me. Now, I look back and am amazed. Everything lines up. Once you recognize your own cycle and map it out, you can see why things happen. It's why she always leaves. She sees perfection and then comes the miserable wretch she is witness to. To King I shall return. After recognizing the pattern, the magic comes into play. You can manipulate reality based upon known cycles. The question is - do you want to? Actions will inevitably have consequences. Is the smart play to take advantage of the knowledge and put yourself in situations which will correspond to your current vibratory state? If the vibe you are giving off reveals flaws in your character, then lay low.

Imagine in my role of the divine masculine I deputized you to record all these celestial observations and work towards aligning my cycle with that of my Queen? What a task you have been assigned. So, there you are, clipboard in hand, recording various cycles and trying to juggle the outcomes to satisfy the King. This scientist sure wanted a challenge, and he didn't disappoint. The moon cycle was quickened, the cycles aligned, and the union was accomplished. Remind me to congratulate him the next time I see him and give him a reward. He wears yellow to stand out, so I'll see him again.

There's the vibration and then there is the potentiator of the vibration. The gas. Homework is to gain clarity and apply this to your understanding of energy. The feminine is the vibration and she is called on in ancient Egyptian ceremony through the shaking of the sistrum and in the Amazon basin she is propitiated through the shaking of the shacapa. Her form is the undulating serpent in these ceremonies with her wave pattern demonstrating her nature. The energetic signature is given rise by awareness of her beauty. She is the spark which ignites the flame; the activation of libido. The burning within the divine masculine increases the oscillation of the vibratory wave of the divine feminine. Thus, we have separation of form, and the universe comes alive. The next question is the nature of the result of the energetic dalliance between the woman and the man. This is you. Children of the divine are the coming forth of desire.

Who am I? I am the son of Goddess and God existing in the crest of the wave of what just is. I am in mother's playground, her vibratory garden. She is the master weaver, stitching together strands of vibration which creates the illusion of form. My father provides his energy to keep mother's garden growing. As a gift to her children, we all have the capacity to create another garden.