ego dissolution

So, the voice in my head is not me because the best place for an opponent to hide is the last place I'd look.

I just looked.

What's the best place to hide a body where no one would look?

A cemetery.

I have a bunch of voices in my head, so what voice are we talking about?

The regular voice.

Do you know him?

Yes.

He's the one in charge when you feel sober and normal.

When you upset that vibration a bit, things get interesting.

There's a bunch of voices.

There's a new voice and then there's a conversation.

There's also a feminine presence.

The voice who thinks they are me becomes the student in a dialectic.

Who is that voice?

It's called the ego.

It's the sum of everything who comes forth.

Drugs split the ego out into three more.

Okay, I get it, but the voice as the ego I'm being shown is my opponent.

The everyday voice in my head is not real?

It's a summation which includes others, culture, and your environment.

So, don't believe it?

It's 50-50.

He will steer you wrong and throw in some truths.

I think you now know the difference.

I think I do too, though I can't explain it.

It's personal for everyone.

All you can do is point it out.

So, the ego is your opponent and you.

Yes.

Apollo is you and Dionysos is you.

The ego is a strange amalgamation of different factors.

It's how you see yourself.

When you look in the mirror you see the ego.

When you look at someone else you see their ego and a little bit of you.

If you can minimize the role of your ego, people will see you in a different light.

That's who sometimes others see.

I get it.

Your family is used to seeing the ego who they have identified as you, so when something else comes forth it is confusing.

They say you are crazy.

I get it.

It's who they see, not how handsome you are today, or how that new shirt and haircut makes you attractive.

It's all in who they see.

Is my ego my best friend?

Well, yes, I think it's me and I talk to myself.

When I alter my consciousness, I'm talking to someone else, and they are teaching me.

Who are they teaching?

My ego.

Now, they are telling me I'm not real.

They are teaching someone who is not real.

That's funny.

I think I understand what is going on.

It is about the keys and control.

The ego has the keys to self.

The keys are to be passed to the dark and the light.

Yes.

The progression is to discover who you are, and then learn to give the keys to self to your two master selves.

Apollo and Dionysos.

Precisely.

Can you do that?

It should be easy.

What about the ego?

I say keep him around.

The ego is useful.

Plus, you now understand the role of the ego and you can transform the ego at will.

So, I had to trust I could hand the key to self over to my darkness.

Then I figured out who held the keys.

The ego is the smarter opponent.

The two are playing a smarter opponent and are learning their secrets.

I get it.

Mary Jayne is dissolving your ego.

Aha moment.

Yeah.

That's the strange ego dissolution of the top seekers of enlightenment.

Do I get my enlightenment certificate?

What's the result of ego dissolution?

My authentic self is present.

Shouldn't you pluralize your authentic self?

Yes, I have multiple "me"s.

When MJ wears off, I become whole again.

Whole as in my unified persona I present to the world.

In my ego dissolution state there are the Goddess, Dionysos, Apollo and who I think I am.

Where's Eros?

He's still me though I gave a lot away.

So, when you dissolve the ego, you return to being Eros?

Yes, that's how it is.

You engage the other three and can become lust.

They are teaching lust.

Eros.

What about knowledge?

Lust is real.

Knowledge is a knowing state.

Lust can be a horny state.

Shouldn't knowledge have a concreteness to it?

It's always subject to change.

Lust is lust; there's no question.

So, knowledge can be questioned, and lust is unmistakable?

Can you question lust?

No, satiate it.

What about a thirst for knowledge?

You become a seeker.

Another way to put it is to be lustful for knowledge.

If you question who you are then you'll wonder what you have been doing.

Nobody will accept that.

The ego is a distorted picture of who you are.

You can find truth in the distortions.

I woke up from a dream last night and started thinking about who people see when they get a good look at me.

They start to see two as my wholeness starts to splinter.

This would freak people out.

Do you think that's what they first see?

Light and dark.

I'd guess that is the case.

First, they see one and one step closer is two.

They are unfamiliar with the dark and want him to go.

They treat him like a foreigner.

He's always been with me.

He is me.

He isn't going anywhere.

You are a walking mindfuck.

Do they see more than two?

I don't think that's something they can accept.

I counted 12 in Peru.

They are all vying for control.

Externally, others are trying to control you as well as internally.

Well, the interesting thing is that external actors you invite into your story become projections of self.

They take on characteristics of you.

Everyone?

I think so.

They all want to control you.

I control them by inviting them in and shaping them into what I want.

That's the game I play with external actors.

It's puppeteering.

So, you're a puppeteer?

Yes, it's better than being a puppet.

As a puppeteer you hide in the last place they will look.

Most puppeteers hide behind a desk or up above.

I hide in the puppet I have created.

Who is the puppet?

You.

Who?

Paul - your identity.

That's where I hide.

Who are you?

I'm you.

Am I sure?

What do you think?

You have always been with me through thick and thin so either you are me or a parasite.

Well, since you laid claim to this identity and subjugated me to the subconscious of course that would be how you view me.

At our base level we are two and this confounding reality is the basis for all psychological problems we experience later in life as the veil becomes thinner.

Am I an experiment in consciousness?

You are a story.

You are being studied.

By who?

Those scientists.

They want to see how you do it.

They get you to a certain point and then you're in uncharted territory.

They observe how you function.

You are taking in input as you go and learning.

This seems to be the case and how you have made it this far.

I sound like AI.

I'm writing the story.

You've written it.

You are following along, that's how you do it.

The story is known.

Only by the writer in me.

True, but there's a sense of certainty surrounding the story.

It's like a book.

You can't change the ending.

That's what others want, the ability to rewrite the ending of the story.

That's how they take power from you because they will write you out of the story.

Yeah, but I must write it.

Not if they can take the power to write from you.

I'd have to write that and if I did wouldn't I cleverly write that I take the power back?

I think you did that already.

You gave up power and now in searching for the meaning of life or whatever it is you are doing, you stumbled upon the power to tell the story, and you reclaimed it.

Yes, it was like a hero's journey without a clue what I was doing.

Who did you give the power to?

Oh, that was the Devil.

It's a character my darkness plays.

You gave the power to yourself?

Yes, but I hid it in a character no one would suspect.

I placed the power in the last place they would look.

They all look towards God.

Well, they found the fount of power, however they didn't know who they were dealing with.

True, I mean I couldn't give it to a mortal.

I created an immortal demon who scares the shit out of everyone; however, he will grant you what you desire if you have the fortitude to approach and ask.

How did you get the power back from the Devil?

I had the balls to approach him and then tell him I wanted nothing from him.

You told him to leave you alone.

Since you denied the Devil an opportunity to write your story, you reclaimed the ability to write your story.

You always had it, you had to take it back.

Everyone has the ability to write their own story and all you must do is claim it.

If you claim it, you take back your power.

That's how I wrote the story.

I gave away my power and made it a simple exercise to reclaim it for anyone.

Here I am reclaiming my power.

Yes, but now others see it in you and want it.

Especially the witches.

Of course.

They are tired of this male dominated writing industry.

There's a witch up on the hill.

She had her broomstick out.

It's true man.

That's a legit witch.

Basic human psychology centres around control.

We want control of our situation in life.

We want to direct the play, and we must deal with others who are trying to do the same thing.

Yes, this story is about a bunch of directors who got involved in a stage play and became actors.

It's the funniest thing where I made "Earth Island" and threw a bunch of directors on it to fend for themselves.

As a writer, it's the biggest inside joke I could come up with.

Tune in as psychopathic directors vie for control of the drama.

What about those who don't want control and are happy to act in someone else's drama?

In my experience they are playing a game.

How do you know?

Because I'm one of these people.

I give up control to others.

Why do you do it?

To build trust.

Why?

So, I can do what I want.

It's very simple.

I can participate in society and still do what I want, within reason.

Okay, so you work with Mary Jayne in a container, and you are somewhat disciplined.

What did you discover?

She brings on ego dissolution.

It comes back, so it's not ego death.

It's time for the ego to go.

He's the one that spoils the party.

When my ego dissolves my friends appear.

The process keeps getting easier.

The effect of MJ loosens the grip the ego and society have over you.

You exit the puppet stage.

I stayed away from culture and my ego wasn't big.

You had a head start to get to this place.

I would say you return to peace, love, and a natural state.

It's not all peace and love.

Homeostasis returns you to balance.

You need hate and fear.

That's a dilemma.

The Goddess rages to create balance.

Some of the characters in your head:

Scientists.

Devil.

Fool.

They are derivatives of the main four.

The fool and the Devil are offshoots of the writer.

Scientists from Apollo.

Eros gives them the juice to manifest.

Eros gets connected to the Devil.

Yeah, remember the audience connects lust to the darkness.

They forget about inspiration and drive.

Yeah, that's from lust.

That's mania.

When you don't have it, then depression.

That's bipolar.

Lust comes and goes.

Yeah, it does.

Why doesn't this bother you?

Because I know lust will return.

Others get worried it won't come back.

It's the eternal return.

You trust it will come back.

The secret to eternal life is trust.

Is that the Holy Grail of seekers?

I think so.

Trust that you will go on and it will happen for you.

This has been a lifetime to get to trust.

You must practice trust to keep your skills sharp.

Exercise trust.

When I split out my selves there is still some unease.

That's good, it's still a thrill.

What about when I get used to it?

Put them on vibrate.

Good lesson.

Don't vibrate them until you get some good time alone.

I turned autoeroticism into a lesson.

You classed it up.

The ego is lust, come to life.

Not Eros, but close.

You're all of the four.

Even the Goddess, but you externalize her.

I put my heart into others, but it's me.

That's how you worship the Goddess.

You put her in another being and worship her.

Like your dogs.

That's why you got female dogs.

You wanted to worship the Goddess.

It's a different cognitive state to do this ego dissolution.

That Paul guy is a little off.

Yep.

He has the keys.

The four from the mind want the key.

Yes, the mind is dark, but you know who they are now.

So, it is easy to give them the keys.

Then they give it back.

MJ is the agent of change.

There you go.

That's how you go back and forth between these mental states.

So, it's not going crazy.

It's transferring power.

The recesses of your mind are dark.

Your mind is based on Apollo, so it's light.

You have some Apollo in you.

I have the three in me and the Goddess is external.

The awakening process is long.

You have been at it for a while.

Nobody is instantly enlightened.

I feel you must get to the state where you can dissolve the ego and keep your wits about you.

That's why the crazy test comes just before this ability.

The life form is seeing if you can handle it.

What if you can't?

You can't get past the crazy and you seek help.

They bring you back down the mountain of craziness.

There's a form of hypnosis into ego dissolution.

I think switching back and forth requires a method.

Hypnosis would do it.

I'm using MJ to switch between mind states.

So, she is hypnotizing you.

In a way.

The hypnosis of beyond crazy is full control of the puppet and you're the puppeteer.

How do you know you aren't being fooled?

You don't.

You must trust you are being shown reality.

If you had no trust, then all the teachings would be called into question.

Maybe some.

Not the big one though.

You will always have a little doubt.

Why do you think you can trust the process?

Because it was a progression, and I feel clear headed and intuitively it feels correct.

It's like beyond crazy is the ability to dissolve your ego and not go mad.

The stage beyond mind control is this.

My mind is so strong that even those who are good at mind control fail.

That's the basic game.

Mind control.

Then there are games within the games.

The sirens are heralds of ego dissolution.

It seems that way.

People couldn't best your mind when you were blind to what was going on.

Now, you see.

I just laugh.

I don't want revenge.

They must get rid of you if they want to be the greatest. 

Wouldn't they want to learn from the greatest?

I learned all this.

I was born with a great mind but without this knowledge it wasn't going to get to the place I am now.

It doesn't have to be the biggest or best mind.

Like your dick?

Right.

You must know how to use it.

I'm talking about the writer's pen.

So, what's your secret?

It's trust that I know.

I have always believed I'm it.

I got a little knowledge and did it.

In God we trust.

Right.

To get to God involves trust and then more trust you won't blow up in order to get beyond God.