higher shadow

By definition, the darkness is mysterious. The lack of light allows for the ability to stay hidden and makes the process of discovery difficult. Most of us like a challenge and after getting past fear, I picked up my sword and went into the depths. Remember when you were a kid and your parents sent you down into the dark basement to get something? You couldn’t get back up out of that hell fast enough. Weird isn’t it?

If I could rig the game so I win all the time it would be satisfying for a while but eventually I’d tire of the game because the outcome is baked into the cards. I’ve been doing the human thing long enough to realize that major leaps of growth in my life have occurred when I have been stressed and had to figure out a way to beat the game. Ram Dass tells a story of his guru Maharaji-ji exclaiming, “All suffering is grace.” The challenge instigated by the suffering spurs us on towards growth. Personally, I had to accept failure as a major part of the curriculum. When I found plant medicines it was a tough road to travel in that the darkness would constantly challenge me all the while I wanted to just hang out in the clouds and live in temporary bliss. Of course, I found a way to vanquish the darkness when it came at me. That part of the game was the catalyst for developing some skills to deliver the outcomes I wanted.

The outcomes I started to ensure eventually led to stasis. That’s my modus operandi; I take the sharp edge off everything and make all events come out even-steven. This in turns allows me to sail through life, avoiding the drama. I’m smart enough to eventually realize my folly and if I wished to continue on this path I’d have to surrender and not try to control outcomes. I always knew that; the maestro would mention surrender and I included it in my mantra when I participated in plant medicine ceremonies however I didn’t always practice what I preached. Once I reached the crossroads where I sat in an Ayahuasca ceremony, blasted with energy, and experienced my ability to control the situation, I realized I had to give it up if I was to continue on the path. So, I had to ask myself: Do I want to continue?

The answer was yes. I had to return to the beginnings of my exploration where I encountered this darkness and engaged in a battle for supremacy. Originally, I never won the battle but I did learn courage and persistence along with strength of character. Looking back on what transpired, it was the challenge of my lifetime and I realized I misread my opponent. I started investigating this shadowy figure and made some astounding discoveries. This is what I’m intent upon exploring.

We don’t see it. By we, I mean spiritual explorers. We tend to divide up the psychological aspect of our human experience. There’s the conscious self we generally call the ego though it seems that we also have a ’true’ self. In addition, there is the goal of becoming or merging with our ‘higher self’ who is the goody-goody in the white robe we aspire to become. Along the path of exploration there is to be done shadow work where we come to terms with what we have buried as well as our deviant nature and checkered past. Apparently, we can transcend that part of us and become a fully enlightened being.

So, what don’t we see? Your shadow is your higher self. We are just confused. I was reading a quote of Ram Dass’ concerning taking up the spiritual path to discover the higher self. The suggestion was to quiet the turnings of the mind and access that intuitive wisdom. It’s perfect advice and should be the outcome of a good meditative practice. Quiet the mind but don’t become a stone Buddha. Start listening to that voice within. Okay, so far so good. Ram Dass’ advice then goes on to implore us to plumb the depths of our beings to find this part of our self. Do you see it now? To find your higher self means plumbing the lower depths. Was Ram Dass confused or was he contributing to the mystery and issuing a challenge to the perceptive spiritual seekers among us? I think I know his intentions.

Here’s the advice from Ram Dass:

Take My Advice

Don’t sell yourself short by thinking you are only your body or your personality, no matter how intriguing and dramatic they may be. For behind them, there lies a more profound part of your true self. Call it ‘spiritual’ or call it ‘higher consciousness’… call it what you will, but… Call it!

One of the doorways to that higher self is through the cultivation of your intuitive wisdom. As you learn to listen to and trust your intuition, you will find a quiet place in the heart of your being that is wise and can guide your actions. One of the things it will remind you of is your interconnectedness to all things. And out of that appreciation will spontaneously arise compassion for those who suffer; for the earth, and for all living things.

When that happens, don’t be overwhelmed by the suffering you see, by the darkness that exists in the human condition. True, there is much of it. But so, too, is there much caring and compassion in the world. Mahatma Gandhi said, “What you do may seem insignificant, but it is very important that you do it.” It is important for yourself, as well as for the balances in the world. As you let your compassion guide you into action to help heal the earth and those who suffer, your very acts will feed your own compassionate heart and in so doing, open the inner gates to knowing your own highest self.

I promise you that plumbing the depths of your being is an unparalleled adventure. I wish you well on the journey.

In Love,

Ram Dass

Everything bad or evil that happens in the world as a result of the presence of human beings we ascribe to the recesses of self that we have failed to integrate into society. We blame the shadow because we never take responsibility for our own actions. Even when we kind of admit it is our fault, in turn we point a finger at the darkness. He’s evil and he made me do it. It’s a convenient scapegoat that allows us to look in the mirror and not recoil in horror at what we have done and our repeated failings. You chase desires. You cause the suffering. You are selfish. It was your choice all along.

The biblical Israelites practiced this form of blame, shame, and scapegoating. Here are some Torah verses from Leviticus chapter 16 (KJV translation) that ritually transfer the guilt of the Israelites onto a horned he-goat.

10 But the goat, on which the lot fell to be the scapegoat, shall be presented alive before the Lord, to make an atonement with him, and to let him go for a scapegoat into the wilderness.

21 And Aaron shall lay both his hands upon the head of the live goat, and confess over him all the iniquities of the children of Israel, and all their transgressions in all their sins, putting them upon the head of the goat, and shall send him away by the hand of a fit man into the wilderness:

22 And the goat shall bear upon him all their iniquities unto a land not inhabited: and he shall let go the goat in the wilderness.

In the Sinai wilderness the Israelites transferred all of their wicked deeds onto a goat via the high priest Aaron. The goat, called Azazel, was then cast out from the encampment into the wilderness. The act of transferring or denying our inclination towards malice becomes a bedrock for western man’s religions and attempts to reconcile with his nature. We choose to hate, cause other to suffer, and are forgiven. We transferred the responsibility for this behaviour unto a goat-like figure we developed into a being called Satan who we could then summarily blame. Ultimately, Christianity’s saviour of mankind took upon himself all of our sins and was the scapegoat sacrificed so we could obtain atonement for our wicked ways.

Makes you think; maybe think too much. Cultural indoctrination is indeed a bitch. If I told you where to find the answer to the greatest mystery of all you wouldn’t believe me and perhaps never want to talk to me again. So, like Ram Dass I’ll have to give you subtle and underhanded clues.