The truth is I’m the bad guy and he’s the good guy. I treat him as the adversary because he is in opposition to my worldly paradigm of fulfilling my wants and desires. This meat carnival is so inviting and I want my fill. That inner compass, whether moral or just a friendly reminder of the consequences of my actions, I have to bury. He is always there. When I set out to fulfill my desires, I assign the tumult to him in order that I have someone to blame.
I get why people seek an external Jesus. We get an inkling of the spirit and split within us and we are conditioned to find what we are looking for in the external world. Or, we can’t accept that little old us can house a god within. The sages of yesteryear shout at us to look within. So, we look within and initially all we find is a box of repressed feelings, desires, and instincts. It’s quite the project to go even deeper and polish the pearl which lies within the depths of this buried panoply.
Why does Jesus hang out with thieves and whores? Because that’s where we place him. We shut him away in the darkness where we shove all the things about us we hide from society and culture at large. You are the thief. You are the whore. Becoming an atheist means we don’t have to contemplate the inner voice. Becoming a Christian means we can externalize that voice and let some other human power lead us astray and delay the eventual reckoning.
Why do we crucify Jesus every year? Because in order to live this life of desire fulfillment we have to get him out of the way. So, we hang him on a cross and go about our business, free of his interference. He dies for your sins - an ingenious way of transferring responsibility onto the other. Remember, you think you’re the good guy. Jesus subsequently returns and harangues us. Imagine that! Like Peter, every year we have to deny him. 3 times until the cock crows. I know not the man. Please go away, you’re preventing me from living my best life. He doesn’t take the hint; so, once again we point him out to the authorities and hang him on the cross. If you live long enough, you must wonder what’s going on? Imagine being a billionaire, living it up, and every year the light grows within you and you have to abort or pretty soon you are giving away your fortune and helping others.
There’re many names for the god within. The ancient Egyptians called him Amen-Re and he rose to prominence in the Pharaonic 18th dynasty. Amen-Re means hidden light and it’s within where you will find the light. Pharaohs adopted the moniker Amen. Amenhotep - Amen is peace. Tutankhamun - The living image of Amen. You can find him in the devotionals of the commoner of the time who called upon the god in a display of personal piety. My culture calls him Jesus but we don’t teach to look within. There would be no need for our religious institutions if everyone knew of the hidden kingdom within. So, we have churches and tightly controlled religious experiences.
In the third millennium BCE, the ancient Egyptians credited the great Imhotep for the progress of civilization. The pyramid complex at Saqqarah and advances in medicine were all because of him. He was said to be a demi-god - the son of Sekhemet, who was the ferocious healing aspect of the Great Goddess Hathor. Imhotep means, “I come in peace.” Do you see it? Are you picking up what I’m putting down?
What a long journey to get to this place coinciding with publishing a blog post recognizing that I met Jesus. I’ve been sitting within myself, alone, for a couple days now and the epiphany hit. It was a gradual build up just waiting for the catalyst. It was a YouTube username that was the incendiary spark. He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world.
I have written a few times about how I felt Jesus was an avatar for the weak. It’s true, but only in the sense of the external Jesus. The one we invented out of whole cloth and projected out onto the world at large. The neutered power by which others profit. In essence, stealing the power that we all hold within. Hanging on to the image of an external Jesus will prevent the inner exploration that makes you come face to face with who you are. When you meet yourself, trust me, you will run. When you accept who you are, you will be able to find within the hidden light in the labyrinth of self. It’s the treasure.
I know of who is in me. My mushrooms trips are all about the split. The last two months, well ever since I took 2 grams of magic mushrooms on December 1st, I knew I had to figure this out. I went deep into the shadow and laid bare the split. At first, I assigned to him the bad and I took credit for the good. I assigned to him everything I don’t like about myself. I deduced the split I intuited was me the good versus him the bad when in fact these two were both me. I just hadn’t reconciled with who I am. I wasn’t ready to have to take responsibility for the suffering in the world so I did what everyone else does and transferred it onto the other and externalized it. I'm the good guy yet I know I'm not. But I'm not that guy. Once I stopped the game of pretend and accepted I was also the guy with horns and the world is a reflection of what I have brought forth, I saw the truth.
I keep piling up shit and dirt upon him and then point and say he is the bastard. My god, he will wait forever until I wake up. The world is the training ground which allows us to manifest what we need after we get our fill. The human race is defined by conflict. We bury, pour dirt, and shit on the light within. Rinse and repeat. It gnawed away at me and I finally realized it was I who was the bad guy. I knew I could get the answer if I asked and then searched. I knew he’d tell me. He always does.
What a journey to get to this point. I am humbled. I also find this very funny. It had to be this way. I can’t accept anything on blind faith. I need proof and the methodology has to be self-approved. Like Frank Sinatra, I did it my way.
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