Translate

Monday, February 28, 2022

my heart is my mother

My understanding of my inner life has been thrown for a bit of a loop. I have to take stock of the knowledge and situation and re-pattern my thinking and understanding. It is not going to be a flick of a switch; instead, I'll need to meditate on my knowledge in order to find clarity. You see, the problem is I assigned my rapaciousness to my shadow because it made me feel better to offload how abhorrent a world of suffering I had created onto something else. I wanted to be the good guy and denigrate the part of me that wants what he wants. I did a good job of fooling myself.

I have to figure out this split. I assigned the bad to the omnipotent god within I had discovered by repeatedly going into my shadow and encountering the psychic split. I now have the intuitive feeling that I have lumped everything together and created this dragon because I didn't want to come to terms with the horror of self. It is actually a mirror I was looking into and didn't acknowledge the reflection.

I wanted to believe I am the good guy.

I have come forth many times into the world of form. I am an eternal happenstance. That is true; however, my incarnations are all unique. Who I am now is special and will never recur. That's a pretty good clue I successfully ignored. I am an iteration of the great masculine life force. This life force is the Greek zoë who is indestructible. The zoë acts through the bios, which is the feminine body. The body can be destroyed but the life force lives on and cyclically reappears like everything else in this universe. It's all a pattern of on and off, acceleration and deceleration, coming and going, light and dark etc. Duality is what makes the universe come alive and we are perceptive duality machines who constantly objectify energy in order to delineate patterns in this big bucket of chaotic energetic flow.

There's something about our instincts for survival that gives rise to needs and wants. This is the motivating principle behind our lives. Survival and a fear we won't make it; so, like the chipmunk we stuff our cheeks as full as possible with bounty. Those successful at the game of accumulation easily become pathological towards wealth. We are hoarders. We have television shows depicting this psychological condition which reveal the down and out mentally ill living in filth as they can't control their need to accumulate stuff. So, transfer this condition onto money and power. See how the insanely rich in our world are sick. We elevate and put these people on a pedestal and yet they are as psychologically damaged as the hoarder.

I wanted to point this out in order to understand just who we are. This ingrained part of our nature is illuminating and acknowledging it does allow for a little bit of understanding to sink in. It allows one to take responsibility for who they are and to stop denying our darkness. I need to accept this or I'll remained lost. This journey is never ending and there is always so much more. There's a part of me who wants to finish the puzzle and bask in the glory of being done. I figured it all out! However, I'm a long way away and this ship of fools just keeps sailing onwards to new ports of call. My open mind has served me well in addition to being able to accept where I have been wrong as I discover more. I have documented how wrong I have been in this blog space. It is so refreshing and freeing to be wrong and be okay with it.

I have a heart and I do feel the power of love. Love does seem irrational unless I can use it to my advantage. The best part about love is it doesn't work that way and if another discovers you are using love to mislead or to profit off them, the love disintegrates. The ancient Egyptians had a saying that, "My heart is my mother." The heart is the Goddess and is the power that allows the eternal life force to repeatedly come forth when slowed down into matter. My heart is my eternal pulsing signature, akin to a fingerprint, and something we would then call a soul which is a gift of the Great Goddess. The feminine heart in conjunction with the masculine life force creates the energetic form that enlivens the gift of a body with this soul and here we are.

When you watch feel good stories of animal rescues it gives you hope that there is good to be found in humanity. Caring for an animal is a selfless act of love. Sure, there is the friendship aspect of the relationship and a hedge against loneliness but it does go much deeper and involves the path of the heart. When you open your heart, this is what you want to do. You want to help the other; whether fellow human or animal doesn't seem to matter.

I clearly see this and I see how the key to this game is found in the heart and through love. My extremes need to be tempered with love and I intuit that's what this grand game is all about. The outcome is the reconciliation of all power into the middle, the heart space, and radiating out this power in order to touch all who are encountered.

I understand purpose though I denied self. The understanding of self shows me the imperative of walking the path of the heart to heal humanity and by inference self.

I have the whole universe within. I am the magic man and can conjure anything I desire. I'm going to live forever and cyclically re-appear. I will retain my eternal signature and re-appear in continual new forms. I'm the producer, writer, director, and actor all rolled into one and can make of the drama what I choose. Ultimately, I need to stop identifying with the parts of me I like and embrace all of my humanity, see where I am a failure, and sprinkle some of that love power on the fertile soil and then watch it transform and grow into a beautiful flower. 

No comments:

Post a Comment