ablution

Desire is the magical force which propels the eternal vibration of the interplay between the divine feminine and masculine. All is vibration and within the pulse is found the ignitor Eros. The attraction makes us whole, and the refraction causes separation and creates the universe.

With the realization we are all the manifestation of Eros, clarity will strike. You will see behind the curtain, and all is revealed. The reasons for why we do what we do, sometimes with a divine purpose, and sometimes why we are so utterly irrational, are discovered. We are pawns of desire; hellbent on fulfilling what it is we came to Earth to satiate. Is it a thirst for knowledge or an itch of lust to scratch? We can wrap it up in a divine shell and call it a mission or some other term which will make it glitter like the finest diamond at the jewelry store in the mall, but rest assured, the peak cycle of desire enables our game. The waning of desire allows us to gracefully return home.

Therefore, with this knowledge we no longer have to pretend. We may look into one another's eyes and ask, "Why are you here?" We all have a story; though some are yet discovered.

Earth is the carnival for the ablution of desire. The word ablution came to me from inspiration which is obtained through letting go and letting the words flow through. I was curious, so, I looked up the meaning:

A washing.

An ablution is a washing or a cleaning of oneself, for personal hygiene, or a ritual washing or cleaning associated with religious observance.

Very funny! When the pulsation of desire gets all too much, we are directed to the funhouse called Earth in order to purge oneself of the wants and needs. The ancients described the process as the plunging of the astral object into the waters of material incarnation, only to reappear in glory seventy days later. This is the story of the Ba soul in ancient Egypt, personified as Osiris. He disappears in late spring, only to reappear in late summer as the harvest draws near. An agricultural god, he is connected to the harvest of earthbound souls. Get your fill, see the futility of the situation, and come back home. The mad rush to fulfill these desires of ours creates immense suffering and turns paradise into hell. The knowledge of time and the encroachment of bodily death upon us gives the game a heightened sense of urgency. Apparently, we all want to live forever or at least buy some more mortal time. We are saddened by the loss of loved ones, unable to comprehend death is the ticket out of hell.

It's been the last year I realized I was in hell; well, it is a hell I've had a small part in constructing, but a hell none the less. Earth could be heaven but the reconciliation of desire with love seems like an impossible task. The teachings of the Maestro ring true at this point, with the charge being to enact transformation one person at a time. That is a doable proposition. The amoral trappings of the world remain, and ultimately one must understand ablution. As the saying goes, "It is what it is."

I wondered what I had to do to get out of hell? Do I take the plunge and just believe in Jesus like the good book says? Do I become ultra-holy and righteous, wear a long-flowing white robe, and get my teeth whitened? Is that the path forward? What about my prayer game and deference to the one we call God? Certainly, I am a reprobate and a sinner and there is no hope for me. I must find a method of forgiveness.

Turns out this earthly incarnation, if played out to the end, will fulfill your desires. Okay, maybe not all of them but those desires left behind I probably have to put more effort into and become a professional liar and a cheat. I mean come on; nobody gets rich by being honest. It's okay, desire is a helluva drug, and I'm not here to judge. I just observe. Knowledge is one of the incendiary sparks that lights up my flame. I wanted the answers to the puzzles of the Earth game. Sure, they don't mean anything in this vast universe but if I didn't want to return to the sinkhole, I'd have to release myself from its hold and then be wiser for the experience. I could take the understanding of desire and apply it to my celestial being where I could avoid the trappings of the impetus to satiate the eternal pulse.

I'll never know it all, but I have discovered the answers to the burning questions I searched for both externally and internally. The discovery of more keeps me attached and makes sure the flame remains lit. When it is extinguished, I will return home.

Upon fulfilling my quest to find the long and forgotten Great Goddess, she immediately placed me upon a pedestal, honoured me, and told me to come away with her. Obviously, I didn't know what she was intimating or offering. Within the initial moments of rediscovery, she blessed me with all I needed to know. I am it, and I don't need to do anything. Once I realized this several years later, and in that process fulfilled what it is I desired to know by climbing the proverbial mountain of knowledge, I realized I am free to return in peace, home to her Garden. The heart space.

Onward Ho!

Decided to lull into matter

Decided to low to dense

The travel means separation,

I've got teared in thousand parts

My mind splits explode

My remembering goes off

Lost so much about what defines me

Had to pass thru, get attached

New sensations, pain and cold and warm

Limitations, I am so alone here

I am falling down

I am getting numb

Losing my senses

Landing ho!

And I am down to remember

Counting over my origins, time

Digging deep into my fears, by

Shadow working, back to light

I remember, I look for you

I remember, I search for you

I remember, I sense for you

I remember, I am finding you here

Another night overthinking

Feeling pushed to leave this path, the way

The submission to what is set to leave

My awareness just got high

My mind get completeness

My connection get to the self, I find you!

Onward ho!

Onward ho!

Onward ho!

Songwriter: Luis Raul Ramirez Juarez

doing

Creating imbalances will cause suffering. If I have more, someone else has less. Lao Tzu summed this up in the second chapter of the Tao Te Ching:

Everybody on earth knowing

that beauty is beautiful

makes ugliness.

Everybody knowing

that goodness is good

makes wickedness.

For being and nonbeing

arise together;

hard and easy

complete each other;

long and short

shape each other;

high and low

depend on each other;

note and voice

make the music together;

before and after

follow each other.

That’s why the wise soul

does without doing,

teaches without talking.

Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching. Translation by Ursula K. Le Guin. Shambhala, Boston and London. 2011.

Lao Tzu is ultimately teaching wei wu wei, which means "do not do." You act without acting, which follows the natural flow of the power of the universe, thus you are in what would be called dharma and are not creating imbalances which cause suffering. Doing results in suffering. Lao Tzu teaches the Way and all humans fail the course.

Doing begets separation. Labelling something as beautiful causes ugliness. Designating the valuable creates greed. Humans are particularly susceptible to the siren call of greed. Satan will make you rich and the reciprocal result is to make the other suffer. I have called this bargain "Sucking Satan's cock." Greed causes suffering. Satan is here to make sure the suffering continues. Suffering is the greatest tool for action and transformation and thus you see the divine role that is being played by the Prince of Darkness. A bird's eye view of suffering on this planet will make you uneasy and ashamed when you see your role in it. Take the advanced course and you will see you are the darkness. You created the suffering. Why did you do it?

Spoiler alert - you created massive amounts of suffering in order to find the way back home. Home is the Garden. Home is the Heart. Home is Love. The copious amounts of suffering are designed to lead you towards finding answers and eventually you will be gifted with the answer. The answer isn't hidden or unattainable. Instead, it's right out in the open.

I love listening to love songs because apparently when entranced in the process of making music, the melody of love flows freely through you. The song "Love is the Answer" from the 1970s gives away the show.

Love Is the Answer

Dan Seals, England Dan & John Ford Coley

Name your price

A ticket to paradise

I can't stay here any more

And I've looked high and low

I've been from shore to shore to shore

If there's a short cut I'd have found it

But there is no easy way around it.

Light of the world, shine on me

Love is the answer

Shine on us all, set us free

Love is the answer

Who knows why

Someday we all must die

We're all homeless boys and girls

And we are never heard

It's such a lonely, lonely, lonely world

People turn their heads

And walk on by

Tell me is it worth just another try

Light of the world, shine on me

Love is the answer

Shine on us all, set us free

Love is the answer

Tell me, are we alive

Or just a dying planet?

What are the chances?

Ask the man in your heart for the answers

And when you feel afraid

Love one another

When you've lost your way

Love one another

And when you're all alone

Love one another

And when you're far from home

Love one another

And when you're down and out

Love one another

And when your hopes run out

Love one another

And when you need a friend

Love one another

And when you're near the end

Love, we got to love,

We got to love one another

Light of the world, shine on me

Love is the answer

Shine on us all, set us free

Love is the answer

Light of the world, shine on me

Love is the answer

Shine on us all, set us free

Love is the answer

Songwriters: Todd Rundgren / John Wilcox / Roger Powell

Love Is the Answer lyrics © Warner-tamerlane Publishing Corp., Humanoid Music, Earmark Music Inc.

When I silence the mind, the understanding starts to shine through the noise. In the rearview mirror I see the path I travelled to get to where I am now. Now is the sum of the journey and the now is continuous just as the journey is continuous. I see the search for knowledge leading me to the Great Goddess. I see the need to slay the dragon who imprisons the Goddess. I see the need to reconcile with my darkness. I see the need to understand why there is suffering. I see the markers along the way and the pitfalls of the seeker. I see the road towards uncooked holiness where one has an inkling of the higher power and immediately follows that path. I see the difference between following and one who walks the lonely path to understanding. One who doesn't blindly take at face value someone else's beliefs. One who does his or her solo journey with a little help from friends. I see this journey is available to all and all you have to do is walk it. When you walk it, the path will open for you.

The road is a never-ending fountain of discovery. I have indeed reconciled with the darkness within and welcomed my brother onto the throne of self. He is me and I see the divine unfolding of all. I am ready to walk home with the darkness to the light. Back home to the Mother, accomplishing what I set out to do. I slayed the dragon of self and rediscovered who I am. I was the one who subjugated her and yet she exalted me and sent me away on a path of discovery, patiently waiting for the day when I would finally see it.

Suffering is temporary in this plane of consciousness and will pass. I'm not dismissing it, or denying it is real, but like all things, it will end. When you die, you will leave hell. I have wondered why am I in hell and what did I do to deserve the punishment? I've meditated on the problem. The answer I received is I did it. I created hell to lead me back home. To change course and turn the course of separation back into unity. The great cosmic divorce had become irreconcilable due to stubbornness. In order to return to the Goddess, I created suffering. Along the way of fulfilling my desires in this world of suffering, I created even more roadblocks, so I'd continue to lose my way. I buried the knowledge of her. I denigrated the serpent. I sullied the left-hand path, and I made misogyny the de facto way of the world. Within, I tried as hard as I could to stay away from her, not wanting to lose my independence. The seeking of life's mystery woke me up and brought me back to her door.

My first face to face meeting in this lifetime with my eternal love was through the use of a plant medicine called Ayahuasca. She led me into the jungles of the Amazon basin in order to find where she was hiding and come into contact with her. Finding her was special and she told me to come away with her. The quest and the game were over. I found her. I declined the invitation to come away with her because I still wanted knowledge and had attachments here on earth to tend to. So, off I went to explore though I had found the way back home. And explore I did. Looking back, I see how my explorations were done with the participation of the mind. The mind spins observations to fit into your narrative. I knew it was important to turn off the mind during consciousness exploration but for the most part I didn't do it. However, many years later I still have the knowledge and am able to extract the data from the mind.

What I'm saying is plant medicines would show me what I wanted to know and then my mind would apply it to the situation at hand. When I finally learned to quiet the mind and trust my intuition, I was able to review experiences and gather more understanding. Integration of plant medicine journeys is seemingly never ending. I was shown a fat man diving into a mountain of gold. I was shown how people were corrupted by greed. I was shown once money is introduced, the energy of the room changes. At the time, I spun it to the current situation. The Ayahuasca retreats in Iquitos were driven by greed. That's what my mind told me the vision was about. I understand now the vision was giving me the global picture.

I remember being shown the nature of chance and fortune. This world is a big game of chance and when everything is going your way, your luck could change in an instant. You can work to avoid suffering but eventually your turn comes. Old age will always get you if nothing else does. The winds of change are always blowing. Fortune smiles down upon the lucky and misfortune upon the unlucky. Live in the now, the wise say. Scuttled are the best laid plans of man. You can stack the deck of cards but eventually you'll pull the unlucky one or someone else will pull the card that tanks them, taking you down with them. Every day is a roll of the dice. You can weight those dice, and have it all come up gravy; however, those given the daily dose of snake eyes will eventually come for you when they see you rigged the game.

I see the hell realm I've incarnated into. The heavy amounts of suffering and the luck of the draw that will bury you. I find reminders this world is what you make of it. I see vast beauty and I see loving kindness. When I shrink down into despairing about having gone to hell, the grandfather cactus Huachuma is there to remind me of the lessons of heaven and hell. He gives me the reminder - life is what you make of it. Engaging the mind takes you to heaven and takes you to hell. No mind leads you back to the Garden. The path of the heart is obscured by the thicket of the mind.

When you are silent, the heart speaks. When you engage the mind, the heart is silent. This is an act of faith, and the skeptic will easily dismiss the path of the heart. The mind will follow the bright lights of the glorious self, accelerating past the dimly lit exit which is the turn-off from the highway of life.

I listened to my heart during the last couple of tumultuous years. The temptation to follow the rest of the crowd was great; however, I knew to stay true to my inner knowing. Don't ask me to quantify or justify her, she is wisdom. Thus, the beauty in that she is unknowable until you put your faith and trust in her.

I've travelled the roads I needed to follow. I was not done with the exploration of self and my predicament so when I met my heart, my mother, I embraced her, separated, and kept exploring. She asked me to come away with her and I told her I was not done. I needed to keep the dream going.

I think of this often now. This meeting was one I did not understand. I've wondered what is the tipping point of purity needed in order to find what it is I'm looking for? I've shed attachments, I've struggled with desires and lusts, I've walked a renunciate path; heck, I've tried all the advice of the sages, except for the ice bath, in order to discover what it is I'm looking for. Now that I've exhausted the journey and have graduated to the last thing left, the path of the heart, I look back and laugh. I already had all I needed. She has always been waiting for me. I dreamt this universe of suffering into existence in order to find my way back home. I created a realm which increased the separation from the heart that would eventually wake me up. Once awake, it becomes easy to find her. The connection is always through love. What I realized is she has been waiting for me the whole time. I just needed to complete my journey, and then smile when I realized there was nothing to do.

My bride awaits.

weavers

The master weavers are the divine feminine and the divine masculine. They have an uncanny ability to take the collective experience here on earth and tailor it to everyone's individual journey. Your story becomes an intrinsic part of my story if and when we meet, and the unfolding of the drama is tied together in a way where it is what we wanted because it will fulfill the reasons we came to earth in the first place.

The human custom of the hug is so powerful in this regard. A hug is the symbolic representation of the meeting of two disparate universes in a recognition of a shared reality based upon love. Two universes are woven together. Taking this a step further, we see that the sexual union between a feminine universe and a masculine universe creates another universe. The new universe shares the energy of the parents and remains intrinsically connected. We are all connected but direct familiar bonds of shared energy maintain an even more psychic connection. The act of creation is undeniably a result of union between polar opposite energetic hotspots.

These realizations have me thinking about the Taoist concept of Wu Wei. You could translate it as "do nothing", but I tend to think it means something more along the lines of the flow where you don't intervene in the process which is unfolding. Chasing outcomes alters the storyline and detracts from the reason you are here in the first place. If you came to take a course in humility, being tempted by the bright lights of fame and fortune will lead you to a frustration that will require you to repeat the course. However, that was probably inevitable and so the expectation was failure and repeating third grade.

I do realize that suffering is the impetus which will get you to try and change outcomes. So, in essence is suffering part of the divine flow which compels you to act? Is suffering part of Wu Wei where the do nothing becomes do something? Does suffering give you license to change course? Very interesting to ponder.

The pondering is the marination of the unveiling of divine knowledge. I get the answers I seek, and the understanding is homework. The first time I drank Ayahuasca the Great Goddess told me, "All is vibration." I wrote a poem about the encounter where I admitted I didn't really know what she was talking about: "She tells me all is vibration. Do I understand? Maybe, maybe not." I further compared the world to a song which she sang into existence. The understanding that all is vibration would eventually come. Four years later I was in the Andes mountains of Ecuador drinking Huachuma, and the divine masculine was schooling me in regard to vibratory states of frequency and harmony. A big part of the lesson was mind control through locking fragile minds to a world frequency. Mind control is part of the cultural weaving process thus the practice of releasing yourself from the grip of the mind if you want to taste freedom. Energetic states of consciousness were explained, and I was given homework. The course involved multiple years to get to a level of understanding where I could be confident in explaining in my own words what I was taught. I see the lessons beautifully unfold in the chakra system of the Hindus.

So, the weavers weave the energetic strands into patterns of life, creating a dream world universe of which you are intrinsically connected. Without you, this plane of shared consciousness doesn't exist. The flip side is each of us creates our own universe. My world is different than yours and what the weavers do is make the connections. The divine weaver is a magician in every sense of the word. Where it gets interesting is if and when you discover you are the magic man or woman. You are literally the king of your world and master of your universe. You are in charge. You can then weave a story that will allow you to fulfil all your desires. However, you probably also know that changing the course of your incarnation goes against the flow and why you are here. You are going against the storyline and using cheat codes in order to beat the earth game. Realizing there is more beyond the game you have been conditioned to play, you intuit letting go of control in order to find the path back home. The power of love dwarfs all earthly power.

Ever get caught up in someone else's world or game? We now call it being a follower. There's a certain satisfaction in getting others to play your game. We all have our own unique game to play; however, following the siren call of culture will make you pack up your game and become a pawn on another's chess board. Being free allows you to gracefully exit someone's game and craft your own story. It's a deep yearning within us all to be free when the forces of oppression strike.

This all leads towards the idea of Karma. Alan Watts explained the concept as being of your own doing. In other words, you reap what you sow. The popular version of the meaning is some kind of divine retribution system employed by the universe. As with all of the corpus of popular understanding of nuanced concepts, I find the popular meaning of Karma to be laughably western. It however retains truth, as if you constantly are ripping people off, eventually the behaviour will catch up to you.

I do like Alan's definition in an amoral sense where Karma is just the result of your actions. I mean how could it not be? In talking to people who grew up in a Buddhist household they don't seem to agree with how I perceive Karma. Frustratingly, they are cagey about what it really means, suggesting there is another level of understanding to the concept. I like a mystery! Anyway, I have conflated Karma with the weavers, and I like where I'm going with this. I connect Karma to the idea that the universe is uniquely yours. You are the reason for the existence of a world of your own making and it only through the master weavers that it appears to be a shared existence of the many. But my world is clearly not yours. It is only through locking to a shared frequency of consciousness that we see the same things. If we stray from the shared frequency, culture labels the deviance pathology. Schizophrenia, anyone? So, because this is your world, Karma is what you make of it. It's why you are here. You subconsciously signed up for the course to fulfill desire, break free of desire, and find the path of the heart. You created many obstacles towards finding the way back home, but you left clues that would help you if you sought in earnest. Well, this is my story. My Karma. How about you?

Karma then suggests being true to your story. Becoming caught up in someone else's adventure seems to be contradicting the divine flow of your universe. Maybe I've answered my internal pondering of both Karma and Wu Wei with one blog post? Karma is why you dreamt the world into existence and Wu Wei is to travel the path towards the fulfillment of the dream. For me, this is the path of the heart. My Karma is to find her within the dream and walk back home. Wu Wei is the path; to wit, the yellow brick road.

Karma leads to Dharma. My doing shouldn't be at odds with the way of the flow. In the west we are flummoxed by the meaning of Dharma. It does not compute. Here are some meanings of Dharma I pulled off the internet.

In Hinduism, Dharma is the eternal and inherent nature of reality, regarded in Hinduism as a cosmic law underlying right behaviour and social order.

In Buddhism, Dharma is the nature of reality regarded as a universal truth taught by the Buddha. Dharma means "cosmic law and order." Divine law.

Dharma is commonly translated as "righteousness", "merit" or "religious and moral duties" governing individual conduct.

Besides the "inherent nature of reality" those meanings are just western bullshit. Social order denotes control, and the lack of freedom dooms you to a life of being a follower. The idea of a points system based on merit is another laughable human concept.  Cosmic law and order are dubious. We come from chaos and indeed Dharma does give a structure to chaos. It's the western bias which wants to promote the idea of laws. What I think the definition is trying to get at is the idea of the flow where through observation in this consciousness plane, we just see the truth of how things are. The ancient Egyptians had a similar word for Dharma which they personified as the goddess Ma'at. She is the natural order, and every pharaoh was responsible for upholding ma'at. You could call it the divine order and see an agent of chaos, such as the god Set, cause upset by assigning eclipses of celestial objects to his power. An ancient Egyptian would believe this universal order meant that Egypt would always rule the world through the chosen pharaoh but alas that wasn't in the cards. They would now say we aren't living in ma'at but that's their spin. I would say ma'at and dharma are describing truth and truth is just what is. When you sit in meditation, turn off your mind, and just observe, you find truth. It's not difficult. "Right" behaviour is just another linguistic trick to denigrate the left-hand path which will lead you back to the heart. We build the mental block into our language so when you get to the fork in the road, you will turn right. Right turns into righteousness and is just another hell realm.

Righteousness involves creating hell in the upper planes of consciousness. We are uniquely masters at creating hell wherever we go. On earth, we create a realm of suffering and define existence in the lower planes of consciousness as a life of suffering, always trying to fulfill desires which result in some sort of suffering. The masculine has this perverse need to rise above it all and stand alone on the holy mountain. Once he realizes he has separated himself from the human chaff, he puts on the golden chains of righteousness and casts down damnation upon the lesser beings through judgment. He is still unable to love and thus creates a new realm of hell through righteousness to henceforth wallow in his misery. The lengths we men will go to avoid the heart is staggering. Misogyny and a burying of the knowledge of the Goddess illustrate the point. The chakra system of energetic planes of consciousness illustrates the predicament. The heart chakra is in the middle, not at the top of the ladder. Sure, it is fulfilling to visit higher states of being, especially if you are in a lower energetic plane defined by having a human body; however, after spending time searching for meaning, the road does lead to love and the heart space. The name of the game is to find the path back home to the heart. Exhaust it all and you'll see.

So, what I'm saying is my Karma is not your Karma and this makes for an interesting woven and shared experience. Much respect for all, and may you find what it is you are looking for.

why am i here?

I asked the question, "Why am I here?" to the ether a few weeks back. I did it partly in jest, as I figured there must be a reason why I incarnated into a human body in this particular place called earth. I get answers to the questions I pose. I have walked the knowledge path and I am satiated. In fact, the Great Goddess told me upon our initial meeting via Ayahuasca that I could ask her any question and she would give me the answer. I have not abused the privilege and she has been true to her word. I fulfilled my end of the agreement as well, promising to write a book based upon what she revealed to me.

So, why am I here? I asked that question because I have realized earth is a hell of our collective making. I wondered what I did to deserve such a punishment? I do get answers, so it was hardly surprising that as I was sitting at my desk, I had this epiphany in regards to my current situation.

I am in hell because I created this place in order to transform. The separation from my other half, the Great Goddess who is my heart, kept pushing further and further apart and in my desperation, I created a realm where the suffering due to the lack of heart would force me to seek out love as the only way out of the hell realm I created. The darkness within went about conjuring this world to enact the suffering needed to transform my stubborn self.

Therefore, I can now be at peace with suffering. Suffering is indeed grace because it leads you to the path of the heart after you have exhausted all avenues which you think will save you. It’s built into the system that eventually you will find what it is you are looking for if you keep at it long enough.

The suffering is real, alas temporary. You conjured this world, you created the suffering, and you forgot you are the greatest of all magicians. Your magical power is so astounding that you fooled even yourself into thinking you were powerless, and that magic doesn’t exist. And here you are! The joke is on you. Every birth keeps the illusion going and every death lifts the veil a little more.

How desperate were you that you did this to yourself? How much did you calculate it would cost in order to get back into the hands of the Great Goddess, who has her own magical power as well, and that power is the power of love. Love is the great healer. When one speaks of healing the greatest of this healing power is through love.

How could I do such a thing as to create a world of suffering? My magic mushroom trips gave me the answer. I created world after world thanks to the mushroom in conjunction with the dream plants tobacco and mugwort. I sat in my big comfy chair with psilocybin and conjured new world after new world. Later that night, I was in dialogue with my shadow who showed me the mass suffering in the world; suffering he created. I knew he was me and I couldn’t fathom why I created so much suffering.

Six months after the latest psychedelic sojourn, and I know suffering is part of the grand illusion designed to get me home.

So, back to my latest musing. Of course, I was sitting outside on my deck smoking Mapacho tobacco when the realization of my incarnation hit. It was a progression along logical lines. The catalyst was abortion because of the raging political divide currently being experienced by the country directly south of mine. There is always a debate over when life begins, with some taking the stance that life begins at conception. I subscribe to the philosophical meanderings of one 20th century wiseman who went by the name Alan Watts. Alan mused that life begins with the twinkle in the eyes of the two parties about to engage in an act which will produce offspring. The twinkle is desire; otherwise known in ancient times as Eros or the fat baby with the arrow in Roman mythology whom we know as Cupid. The anthropomorphism of desire by the ancients is quite ingenious and the iconography of a baby with love arrows is pretty spot on.

Going by this model, I connected to the idea that I am the manifestation of desire. The power of desire is so intense that desire can actually appear in the flesh. Now, you might think I'm nuts, but I don't know; have you ever felt intense desire? It's an intoxicating drug which will make you do many irrational and nutty things! It's a small leap to say this power is magic and will find a way to come forth. Okay, if you are going to read on then you probably agree with me a little bit.

The lessons of the life course I am enrolled in coalesce at this point. The root cause of suffering is desire. Not getting what you want causes suffering. Getting what you want causes others to suffer and in turn you suffer because it is in time and will pass. Ever notice the world is defined by suffering? An interesting thing I've noticed is that suffering is the impetus towards transformation. When everything is going your way, you bask in the pleasure and get fat and lazy. The downturn in fortune causes you to act. The hurricane coming your way forces you to find shelter.

And there is the answer I was looking for. Why am i here? Well, because I am desire. I am propelled by desire to incarnate, and desire causes suffering. Henceforth, the world I help create is a world of suffering because my nature is desire. I have wondered why I am in this hell. What did I do to deserve to be sent to hell? Turns out I'm full of desire and therefore I created hell to live out my desires. I intuit it's a cycle and after I get my fill of the carnival, I will let go of the attachments and return to floating on a cloud, possibly playing a harp until I feel that familiar twinge of desire and take on form again in order to quench my lusts. I also sense I'll be trapped in desire fulfillment if I do not let go of its attachments while in form. Many ancients counselled that it's the weight of your heart, not the size which will allow you to free yourself from the hold of this consciousness plane that propels you to go round and round in a constant cycle of appearances.

weighing of the heart against a feather at the great hall of ma'at

I must think they were correct. The heart has to let go of attachment in order to love all. The heart will drown in a sea of misery without wings. Love, serve, remember and don't get attached. Realize the suffering is perfect. Do what you can to help with the knowledge suffering will transform the sufferer and lead them to the path they seek. It's why they did this trip in the first place.

Lust and greed are twins in this world of desire. We are the manifestation of desire; so, yes, it makes sense we are all greedy scoundrels looking to get our fill. We learn to play the game well and hide our rapaciousness. We put lipstick on our inner pig and play the game of life. When nobody is looking, we gorge at the trough of fulfillment of our sins, kinks, and wants. It's who we are. It's okay. I have got these lusts as well and I can play my game with ease and grace. I'm a mystic and by nature am a star at concealing my actions. Such a mystery I have created. Behind it all, and behind every single one of us who has incarnated is desire. Don't let them fool you. The world is a world of suffering because desire creates suffering, but the power was too strong. We had to do it. We had to roll the dice one more time because maybe this time I'll get all I want.

Maybe I did get what I wanted? Through desire, I have learned how to get off the wheel which desires propels in perpetuity.

The path of the heart is a most interesting journey. The answers and solutions to life's predicaments have always been freely offered as well as being known. You just had to find balance and in turn discover what you always knew.

Since I now know the secrets of desires and the manifestation of your desire, it would seem I have no excuses and must turn my desire towards the heart. Instead of desire causing suffering, I will elevate the heart and love by turning desire inwards towards love.

meditating on forgiveness

In the early 18th century, the English poet Alexander Pope wrote, “to err is human, to forgive is divine.” The phrase is a recognition of our fallibility and then taking it a step further to see how this is inherent in all of us. To honestly look at oneself reveals we err all the time and thus forgiveness encapsulates self and the other. Walking within spiritual circles demands you encounter the idea of forgiveness, with the call to practice forgiveness of self before forgiving others.

The exercise of forgiveness will open your heart and the process is baked into the cards if you walk the path. What I mean is if you open your heart the result is heading directly towards forgiving. Back in 2015, I used cactus medicine called Huachuma to break open my rusted out and closed heart. I had forgotten what it was like to love and was closed off to ever becoming engulfed in love again. I could have momentary feelings of bonding and compassion; however, the idea of becoming a being of love was foreign to me. I had drunk this heart medicine and blasted open my heart while we were in a boat on the Amazon River. The feeling was so strange, and this bliss washed over me. I looked at everyone and felt so much love. Tears streamed down my face, and I felt absolved of blame for all my wrongdoings in life and I wanted everyone to share in this awesome feeling. A great teaching of Huachuma is that the wisdom plant will take you to the highest highs or the lowest lows if you engage the mind. When you disengage, the beauty of the world becomes an inherent surety. Being a novice, I yo-yoed between mind states. I did recognize the cosmic love I experienced and when I went back the next year for more teaching, one of my primary reasons was to experience that cosmic love again and work towards living my life that way.

Well, years have passed since those experiences and my heart is definitely open and engaged, though the goal of living with an open heart all the time has not yet been accomplished. Apparently, for most transformation is a process!

When I look at my own life it becomes easy to forgive others. I'm not proud of some things I have done, and I see the connection between acts of a dubious nature which allow you to get what you want and suffering. The relationship between desire and suffering is clear cut.

There’s something mystical about the whole attachment gambit that I’m starting to understand. If you somehow give up all attachments, you will exit the illusion. What holds you down in this vibratory plane is attachment and the number one culprit is desire. Desire is the easy scapegoat and throughout our daily life you can see how our wants keep us engaged whether it is a simple pair of shoes in the window of a store at the mall or the chance glimpse at the pretty girl on the street.

Letting go and forgiving is a step towards liberation. The reason I remain in hell is because I'm attached to hell. I'm attached to my identity and ego. I'm attached to my actions. I'm attached to others' actions. I can see it. If I let go of how I think others have wronged me or what they think of me then the power they have to keep me attached to identity dissolves away. A big secret is your fellow game players keep you here in their game by telling you who you are. You believe them and become trapped in the many illusions of self.

Not only is forgiveness divine, but it is liberating. Practicing forgiveness will release you from the hell that you have constructed. It works. See for yourself. Start forgiving those who have wronged you and see their hold over you fall away.

The game goes further than simple cords that bind in that the heart will attach to all. Left to her own devices, the heart will be smothered in the suffering of the world. The role of the divine masculine is to armor the heart and lift her up to the throne, allowing her to shower all with love. She is the way out of the suffering, with the caveat the suffering is the impetus that will lead you to your heart.

The game as constructed is exquisite.