top of the ladder

My spiritual scene is confounding. I spent a lot of time educating myself, gathering knowledge, and searching for answers. I looked at the agricultural cycle and saw truth in the resurrection. I looked up at the stars and saw how they moved through the sky. They would disappear into the waters below to become purified before returning to the heavens. I found the parallels in seeing how the natural world fit into our lives. Eventually, curiosity came knocking and I started experimenting with altered states through the use of consciousness altering substances such as Ayahuasca and Huachuma. I entered into an occult world and received first-hand knowledge of a world of ethereal spirits.

All the while, I listened to the spiritual instruction of two of the best teachers - Alan Watts and Ram Dass. Alan didn't beat around the bush. He'd flat out tell you, you're it. You are everything. Ram Dass was more subtle, letting you progress along your spiritual path while sometimes letting the cat out of the bag. The myths are trying to tell you that you are God, but you are playing it small. It's easy to see why we don't fully accept this because what makes me better than you? Why should I be God and you are not?

It boils down to belief. If you fully commit and know you are God, then you are God. It's simple but no one dares to take that path except for the insane. And I really wonder why because the esoteric spiritual disciplines are coyly teaching you this. Granted they teach connection to the divine and that it flows through you but if you want you can take the last step and become God.

I think the next step on the top of the ladder of exploration exposes the madness. There's no more ladder! My conceit says I'm there now and achieved this while in this human body though my experience in the game says there is always more. I'm hesitant to say I'm at the top of the ladder. What I'm getting at, and what I have felt for a bit is I definitely think I'm nuts. I've been remembering things in the past which were clues. They were signs pointing towards an understanding that because of what you know you will think you are mad. I never recognized it. Luckily, I documented while I was recently in Peru under Huachuma that it is okay. If you think you are crazy that's good because it is the rest of the world that is crazy and you're not. I have been struggling with it. I am crazy but I'm not. It's when you think you're sane you're not. You reach a point in your consciousness journey where you remove all the filters and see things for how they really are and when you get to that unexplored and undocumented place you must realize at this level it's crazy. Just being able to see what you see makes you realize it is so different from what you thought. You must then question your thoughts. This means you will think you are crazy. I get it. You can't get to this point in the consciousness journey without entertaining madness. Most have to stop before they hit this point because if you get this far you will think you are fucking nuts.

I took the last step, fell off the top of the ladder, and can't go back. As I have written previously, I cycle between these two states of little old me and omnipotent deity. The world is complicated when it's just me while as a practicing Lord I know all and weird myself out when I slip back out of that mode of consciousness. I've been playing with these states of consciousness and the magic that comes forth from them. I know everyone I interact with is a projection of my psyche. Huachuma gave me this experience last trip down to Peru and I have been integrating it into my world back home. I realized today I am someone else's projection of self and if they see me cosplaying God then I'm what it is like to think you are God. Ha ha, very funny and true. They can see what it is like to be deluded into this line of thinking because they aren't ready for it. They can have a laugh at my expense and then wonder.

I knew I had come across this concept before and sure enough I remembered Indra's net. Specifically, I recalled the idea of the jewel at every vertex of the net. Each jewel reflects all other jewels, so that within each jewel is everything. There are an infinite number of jewels reflecting an infinite number of jewels. Each jewel contributes to the sum of the all. In my conceit, I realized I am the jewel who can awaken and comes forth as God. It is a satisfying answer because within all is the potential. My contribution to the net is to show it is possible.