head games

A dialectic with the self seems to be the best method for instruction.

Talking to yourself?

Yes.

Doesn't that mean you are crazy?

You are crazy not to.

It's how you are taught.

An external teacher can only do so much.

The internal teacher is available 24/7 and doesn't tire of you.

They like the attention.

Dialectic means making reasonable arguments in a give and take with each other in order to resolve differences.

We did that already.

That was the first step towards reconciliation with self.

I'm not sure the process was always reasonable by any standard.

I was scared shitless at first.

There's no way around that in our culture.

Hearing voices or having a voice within your head is denounced as crazy.

Talking to yourself is pointed out in a humiliating way.

We are all aware of a presence in our heads.

Yes, but they are mostly denied.

Many will busy themselves to avoid it.

Activities, friends, media.

Anything to avoid any kind of reckoning.

What's your excuse?

I always wanted to be alone so I could think.

The recognition of the other wasn't there.

I assumed it was all me.

It is all you.

In duality, you have the ability to separate it out.

That's what I did with shamanic tools.

I wasn't prepared.

That was impossible to prepare for.

Your preparation was as good as expected.

I was thinking along the lines of I could have had some experience with mind altering drugs before drinking Ayahuasca.

Maybe, but then expectations would have been different.

This way you came at it like a virgin.

You went for the most difficult experience initially.

The amazement factor was increased and the fear as well.

It allows you to take your time processing the experience.

It took almost two years.

Yes, and then you went back to face your demon.

Everything has worked out.

You went with the flow, and all was revealed in time.

You didn't force things.

The people who hang around and do ceremony after ceremony without integrating the experience are forcing things.

Going with the flow takes work and discipline.

Doing nothing is hard work.

That is a tough lesson to understand.

You would think that you drop out of society, do nothing, and you will be in the flow.

There's truth to that, however the other extreme will sink you as well.

We live in a human society which is beneficial to your well-being if you approach it with balance.

If you give yourself over to community and culture, you will never understand self.

If you escape to the mountain's top to become enlightened, you will become incomprehensible.

I suppose that's where the muttering comes in.

That's the trigger.

Spend too much time in la la land and you will mutter to yourself incomprehensible nonsense.

Working with discipline and taking part in society allows you to retain a semblance of balance and the ability to function among other people.

It's a fool.

Basically.

You know it's a game and it's high art to be able to play the human game.

You exercise your acting skills to remain sharp at the game.

You know it's a game and have a laugh at those who take it seriously.

The advice would be don't go about living in the forest.

Find a house on the edge of the woods so a connection remains.

Electricity is tough to procure in the woods.

That's a big connection for humans.

It enables the World Wide Web.

It is a web you get caught up in.

They keep an eye on everyone through this web because they can.

The name is perfect.

The ladder up the knowledge of self has 7 steps.

The 4th step into my head and you can see what I'm hiding.

You see God and you see his other face.

If that doesn't scare you, then you feel my power.

On the 2nd step you can get a brief glimpse.

The 3rd step is a warning.

I let everyone in to the landing.

The 1st step gets them in the door.

That's where it stops.

If I think you are interesting, I'll let you climb up a step.

The 2nd step is enough for you.

It's dangerous to go to the 3rd step.

The 4th step is too much, and it comes crashing down.

You let friends up to the 2nd level.

That's where I give them dog characteristics.

I prepare to take them with me into the next world.

The 3rd step is intimate.

Yeah, I let them see my essence.

Some get a glimpse, and I leave it on the mental spectrum.

I don't cross over into the physical.

You can see how people try to do it.

They will use spiritual or sexual tactics to get further into your head.

Every time.

Is there another way?

There's friendship.

I've only experienced that with dogs.

You think it's all about you.

In my world, it is.

Others create their own world and story.

I can play a part in someone else's story.

I'm versatile and a good actor.

I know my story is the story which connects directly to the main story.

That's how deluded I am.

That's how I understand the path I'm on is the path.

Through delusion?

Yes, it must be this way.

You are taught the exact opposite.

You are a nobody, and you need help to be saved or conversely when you die you return to the nothingness of dust.

To believe you are the be all and end all is a sign of madness because you go against everything you were taught by society.

So, you are a narcissist.

I tend to elevate who I am.

I maintain balance by recognizing my faults.

My degeneracy, lack of empathy, and frustrating nature keeps me grounded.

You don't want to get too high.

When you get too close to the sun like Icarus, you burn up and come crashing down.

I've said it before - the Greeks figured out all this stuff, encoded it in myth, and then forgot about it.

When you get to God, you must meet Medusa.

She is tasked with turning you to stone.

That's the part she plays.

Are you going to write a blog post called, "beyond Medusa."

That's tempting.

She was supposed to turn you to stone.

In the myth, Perseus outsmarts her.

You would need to become him to get past her.

He got help from Athena and Hermes.

Wisdom and knowledge.

I got to God and had all the necessary receipts to show I was legitimate.

I was not some wandering sadhu who stumbled on to a form of enlightenment through austerity.

I was neither a pretender nor a poser.

Lost dog alert as I begin my walk.

It's preposterous that there was a woman who drove up to me in a Tesla.

Then she told me about a lost dog.

The dog is a Rhodesian Ridgeback.

It's part of my first dog Brindle's mix and nobody has those dogs.

This absurdity is validating the dream state.

Are you playing on the edge of sanity where you can see this reality is a dream?

I think I'm just advancing along the knowledge trail.

The Tesla situation is something that fits into my dreams.

I recognized the sound of the Tesla.

It was crazy.

You could spin the story so that it is a witch enticing you into her car and trying to capture you.

The witch said to her coven she could do it and tried it out.

There is no dog, it's just a ruse.

They are watching you today.

So, with 7.5mg of Mary Jayne I can get to the lucid dreaming stage which means I can see this is a dream.

Don Howard would ask about lucid dreaming.

He knew.

He'd know the game players and sorcerers who showed up at the sanctuary.

It explains last night where I would put that movie about contract killers in the dream and then the others wouldn't know and think it is a coincidence.

For you, it would be affirmation you know they are trying to get rid of me.

It's your dream and your story, so you put that in the dream.

Do you see how it works?

I think so.

You insert your story into your dream and see what happens.

You can't help but do it.

Sometimes, it can be strange and absurd.

I think most of the time the dream makes sense.

Most of the time.

The dream I'm living in does make sense.

There are some absurd parts.

This is what you're dreaming now in this consciousness.

When you shift consciousness and go to sleep, you continue on in another dream.

This dream stops when you're sleeping.

It's still going on, but you don't know what's going on.

You must wake up to see what's going on.

That's what it means to be awake.

You awaken twice from the dream world, and you see you are creating your reality.

It's still the same reality, you just know you are creating it.

Then you wonder how you do that.

I just write it.

I know that.

If you write it, there's no getting out of having to write it.

It's the lesson the past two days where you had to find a way where you could meditate to nothing.

You realize most can't do it.

The trick is to realize you know nothing because you're everything and you can't see yourself in order to understand yourself.

You need duality to understand the self.

So, you are nothing.

It's semantics, but please continue.

I'm asking you the riddle of how do you not write something when you know you have to write it?

I think you write it beforehand.

The story is already written.

You follow the trail.

I do nothing because it will play out.

That's the answer.

Do nothing, I'm sure.

I think you witness it and laugh at the absurdity of your dreams.

That Tesla thing happened though.

Yes, and you wrote it.

A dream isn't make believe; it's what is reality.

Whatever reality is.

I think it's duality.

It's a story.

You know how in a dream when you remember it, you get obsessed with psychoanalyzing and trying to figure out what it means.

Imagine now that you see these elements in your waking life and you're going to over analyze them.

Yeah, before this I would think the Tesla story was random.

Now, it has lots of meaning and I'm trying to figure out what the dog's name is telling me.

What does that mean?

If you take too much MJ at once and are involved in the game of stories, then the pieces of the story are going to come flying at you in rapid succession and you won't be able to figure it all out.

This will lead to horrible anxiety.

Everything is being revealed to you, but it's too much at a time.

That's why you have discipline with the dosage of the mind expander called MJ.

You know a relatively small amount will get you to that far-out place because you're mimicking the leap within a container.

Most of this dream seems like I've balanced it out.

Most everything fits into the story, so it looks balanced.

It's the events that don't fit in which look like dream elements as you know them to be.

The elements have been on your mind at some point.

Yeah, the sound of a Tesla.

So, be on the lookout for things that don't line up and don't make sense.

It's the writer inserting conflict and absurdity into the story to keep it going.

You can see where you are in the story contingent on how many things look out of place.

That will give you a rough idea of where you are in the story.

If there's no story left, that weird shit will go away, and you'll live happily ever after.

Nothing will happen.

Isn't that happiness?

Linguistically, it seems like it's related.

It's dubious.

I think you just want to keep the game going.

When the story ends, nothing's happening.

The story is the in and out.

It's another cosmic cycle.

The initial cycle is part of the story.

It's a sex story, so it's God going in and out of the Goddess.

You mean the writer.

Just one in and out in that original cycle and then bam, a new universe begins.

Maybe he went into her slowly this time and he's going to take it out fast?

That's his new technique to try and impress her.

Slow build up and sudden ending.

That's usually the way of intercourse.

The good lovers know about foreplay.

This may have been excessive.

Well, however long it took this farce to get going, which was a long fucking time, the inverse will be how long it takes for it to go away.

The key to the technique is balance.

You already know that.

Your story took forever to get good.

It's really good now.

Yeah, but you took us through all of creation.

Couldn't you have condensed that?

No, I was honouring the Great Goddess.

This story is her portrait.

Is that why you had me fucking around with pictures today?

Yeah, I was going to teach you that you're a painter and you're painting the Goddess.

When you get through to the writer you see he's also a painter.

Yes.

He just wants to be called an artist.

His writing is good, but his painting skills are terrible.

We are going to stick with writer.

You are the writer.

I'm also a painter.

There are some rough patches in this painting.

I don't know if you know that, but dude, you gotta take a look at that shit.

This whole nonsense, wasting time, and masturbation -  do you know what a picture of that looks like?

It's pornographic.

You're not supposed to see that until you look closely.

From up far it's a pretty decent image of the universe and solar system and then into our lives.

You don't want to go too deep into the image.

Didn't you find that the world is a sexual metaphor?

Yeah, that's obvious.

Nobody wants to say porno.

All the stuff happening to me is my story?

Your dream.

Isn't that true of everybody?

No, remember they traded their story back to the writer to get a new story.

This is your story.

Why is my life ridiculous then?

Well, we had to keep it that way because who else would believe this nonsense?

Only your mind has the ability to comprehend this nonsense.

The nonsense makes total sense.

Nobody else would believe this.

Yeah, and you have the choice to believe it or not.

I also know that to get someone to go against their own beliefs involves coercion.

I would feel coerced if someone wanted me to believe this nonsense.

That is correct.

There's no obligation for you to believe this nonsense.

Your beliefs say it's true.

You should end the lesson there because beliefs aren't true but they are all we have.

It's a crazy idea.

I see how if you don't accept it then it would confirm that you are crazy so you have to accept it.

You don't have to.

You can decide you're on a path towards craziness and you would put the brakes on it.

It's because you work within a container and you can stop at any time.

I don't feel pressured into believing this nonsense and I don't feel pressured into continuing on with this nonsense.

You can debate the reason why you're feeling this, but I would go with your gut instinct.

It's nonsense and it's my story.

When you go fully to the writer then you start muttering nonsense.

That's how they figure out when to lock you up.

You're uttering nonsense all the time.

You don't make sense.

Something will happen with the Goddess and the witches in your story.

You can start to see that.

The 7 stories are the big parts of your dream.

The dream pulls mostly from those 7 stories.

Your life story will be based on those 7 stories.

You can rotate through the 7 and figure out what's to come in your story.

The Tesla story is surveillance, paranoia, dogs, and witches plus my own experience with Tesla.