pain first

Simulation and fantasy baseball lessons.

If you don't play, you can't be disappointed.

Embrace disappointment if you play.

Cherish it as part of the game.

Without it, there is no game.

Welcome it.

When you acquire power, you rig the game in your favour.

You become a tyrant.

That's what people are doing.

Climbing the ladder.

Getting to the top and rigging the game so they win.

They play a game that is cruel.

It is a game which stops the game.

We seem to all play that one.

What's the answer?

Celebrate a loss.

It's part of the game.

Looking back, what do you think of all your losses?

It's a win.

Why?

I won the game I was looking to win.

What was it?

Get to God, or some kind of spiritual game I was playing.

You aren't sure.

I was up to something.

Those losses gave me the win.

If you win all the time, you won't win the big game.

The advice is to play, not win.

Play keeps the story going.

Winning ends it.

What about a loss?

It ends the game and motivates you.

The worst thing for play is to win.

You stop playing.

What do you think of the game?

I kept playing after I got to God.

People leave after that step.

You get to that place and it's game over.

Yes, but now I'm God and I know I'm not all that special.

I wanted to figure out the game.

I didn't care much for getting to God.

I want to play.

Like I said, I'm happy now.

I feel like playing.

I figured out how to cook my favourite meals.

I know how to have fun.

I like playing spiritual games.

Knowledge and writing.

I'd like someone to play with.

Dion is great.

Others get scared of me.

You are a little much.

Yeah, I know.

It's hard to play with others.

You must avoid the pitfalls and traps.

Why?

They want to beat you.

So, interactions are games.

Yes.

Family is supposed to be a safe space except the two at the head hooked up.

That means it's a game, however it is supposed to be a place of refuge.

You overthink everything with Mary Jayne.

It's the balance to her stoning you.

She addicts you to her stoning, so what she does is you play a game where you overthink everything and then crash out to being stoned.

You love being stoned, so at the outset of the trip your mind crashes out, and you enter the blissful state you were craving.

When she loses her hold on you then you start getting anxious because you can no longer crash your mind out.

Is that what happens to some who think MJ turned on them?

Yes, they could no longer get stoned, and their minds raced.

They must take a break.

They go back to MJ because they healed their mind to the effect they can be stoned once again.

Now, I know you want to examine your relationship with MJ.

Yes, I don't get stoned therefore my mind is in overdrive.

How do you feel about that?

It's great.

You seek out the opposite effect of MJ.

Yes, she is a teacher.

If you were stoned by MJ, you wouldn't like it.

Correct.

Well, if you ever get to that point, then you know you are addicted.

I don't think that will happen.

Why?

My mind won't crash out.

I know it could if I took more.

That's what people are doing.

They take a dose which can short circuit their mind.

They get to that place of happiness and joy.

Exactly.

That's the addiction.

Then they feel free to do what gives them pleasure.

I see that.

Thus, the comment about how strong your mind is.

You don't get stoned.

Hypnotized.

I saw that with Ayahuasca where she was very hypnotic; however, I wouldn't fall under her spell.

Why not?

Whatever the dose is, I didn't get there.

Huachuma was similar where I had a big dose over and over, and I did at times get to a place of cosmic love for all.

I remember those feelings.

It wouldn't last.

Do you think Huachuma came the closest to getting you in a state of permanent bliss?

Yes, I'd say so.

What stopped you?

My mind.

It's too strong.

I know I could take more MJ and be fine, however I have found the doses which are teaching and that's the reason for my use of MJ.

Isn't that addiction?

It could be.

I see that I return for knowledge.

I also return for stories and my friends.

I also like the heightened feelings and awareness.

Isn't that addiction?

Sure.

I mean because you like something, does that make it an addiction?

If so, you can't avoid it.

I think you need to clarify what an addiction is.

Something you feel powerless to stop.

Is it because it's bad for you?

Not necessarily, it could be good or pleasurable.

What about balance?

That would be part of the addiction where you are aware of the boomerang, however you still do it.

You would return to the addiction even though you know of the toxic boomerang.

Is that part of the definition of addiction?

An addiction is something you are powerless to stop even though you are aware of the consequences which can be positive or negative.

Addiction is an awareness of balance and still doing it.

Is that why some people will get addicted to something destructive?

Yes, say a drug they know will cause them pain.

They will do it for the pleasure.

The opposite is at work, and it seems to be the same thing.

Yes, you'd drink alcohol for the pleasure even though you know you will suffer for your choice.

Isn't that the mechanism for drugs?

Yes, however some people want pain.

Why?

To reap the benefits.

Remember we discussed BDSM and how you receive pain first.

It's because the lasting memory in that case is pleasure when it's over.

The reward is at the end.

So, you're saying the smart choice is to take the pain first.

If you feel you must make a choice.

So, don't play?

No, that's boring.

So, do play?

Yes.

Don't you make a choice for pain first then?

No, you don't make the choice.

Your playmate does.

How does this work with MJ in that she will stone you or make your mind race?

You let her make the choice.

She doesn't stone me.

That's not from a lack of trying.

Got it.

What about you?

I am present.

So, I'm not addicted to her?

You are playing.

That's how you play.

You let the other choose and you will win.

If you don't want the game to end, then don't run up the score but know you can win if you want.

You win by going with the flow.

Same with MJ where you go for a walk and don't force the issue.

When you force the issue, you are vying for control over the game.

Trying to get control over the game will eventually cause pain because once you get control, you will direct the adventure to what you want.

Obviously, you want to win the game, so that's why you seek control to get the outcome you desire.

I'm telling you that is how you lose.

You let your opponent take power because they will make a mess of it.

They will choose to take advantage of power and not realize the coming boomerang.

Is this how I keep winning in life?

Yes, you go with the flow and don't seek power.

By doing this it is recognized you are power.

Power does not seek power.

Power has no need for power.

Why would power need power?

What would power do with power?

Give it away.

When you give it away, you get it back.

You can't hang onto it.

All who seek power wish to then hang onto it and therefore lose it.

You give it away, and it returns.