god is the biggest asshole

You are being watched is one of your seven stories, though you try to deny it.

That's what makes it a good and balanced story.
I deny I'm being watched but it's obvious I'm being watched.
Maybe you're an exhibitionist?
It could be what the main idea of the story is about.
You're not really an exhibitionist, you're a showoff.
Aren't all good actors?
The key is to be a showoff and pretend you're humble.
That would make me the best actor.
I'm not that bad after all.
I must show off in my story and I pretend that I'm being watched.
Yeah, that's a big part of your story.
Okay, cool.
Honestly, nobody gives a fuck about you.
In my story that's true.
The audience loves the story though.
The best part is you're God and nobody gives a fuck about you.
You pretend they're watching you.
Do you think any other human has had a conversation like this with themselves?
If they have, it hasn't been in a long time.
I think in the old days they had priests convince you that you're God.
They wake you up every morning and tell you that you are God.
I can see how that works because it's all about belief.
You hire a bunch of priests to tell you that you are God and that would work.
It would work for the King.
Anyone else would be a little suspect.
The closest we get nowadays is the priest.
They can tell one of their own he's the Pope and that he's God's mediator to us humans.
That's as far as we allow it.
In order to now claim God for yourself you must do it yourself.
You must believe in it yourself.
Nobody can do it for you, which is how they used to do it.
They would do it that way because nobody before could get to God by themselves.
Is that what I'm doing?
I think you've done it.
Now, you're just wandering around trying to rationalize it.
That's a good twist.
I mean who'd write that?
The candidate gets to God and then must rationalize it.
It's absurd.
Yeah, but it's not out of the question.
It's a psychological thriller.
You like those stories that challenge the mind.
With a twist.
Get to God; don't even realize it for a bit.
Finally start to realize it, and then you wander around wondering if it's true?
That sums it up.
You've always had it as an idea.
That's why people would be wondering if you are God.
You had a vibe.
Well, imagine my vibe now.
It's off the church.
Charts, but I like church.
People know I'm God, but they don't want to admit it.
You can't even tell them, or they will think you're nuts, or they'll get pissed at you.
They will follow you if they accidentally realize who you are.

On the way into the forest, they are watching for me.
There's a meaning in feeling I'm being watched.
I think I'm important and I think they're spying on me.
It's because you're a narcissist.
You think you're important.
That's not a bad thing.
You are important.
Psychologically, you create the illusion that you're being spied on.
The paranoia that you're being surveilled is the result of you thinking you're important.
That's correct.
The crazy part is you are important.
You don't know why you're important.
You are manifesting that energy because it is what you are conjuring.
The opposite action of manipulation works as well.
You conjure the result and then it would play out in what you want.
Does that make sense?
I almost fell over.
No.
Okay, let me explain this differently.
You see people who it looks like are watching you because you are an important person.
Yes, and the opposite is true if you want to feel like you're important.
You pretend people are watching you.
Pretending is belief.
You can pretend that other people are interested in you.
I think I already do.
What a fool believes.
I'm deluded and fooled enough to think that others think of me.
Thinking of something can lead you to perform an action on it.
Yeah, I know.
It can be good or bad.
They can either want to be with you or want to get rid of you permanently.
It's a gamble.
You're teaching me how to do magic and get what I want.
You're also warning me that the outcome is a fifty-fifty gamble.
Yes, that's the teaching.
You'd want to come to be balanced.
You don't want all the gravy, or that will kill you.
You don't want the totally negative result because that would devastate you.
You take it slow and try to even it out.
People will see the negatives in you.
Plus, the positives.
Some of your dark traits are good, so it balances.
Some of your positive traits contribute to the realization you're an intolerable know-it-all.
You're balanced.
Don't throw it off balance by getting desperate at either end.
You're teaching the fundamentals of magic, cautioning that you don't cast a spell that will 100% work.
You go for fifty-fifty.
Sometimes magic works, sometimes it doesn't.
Magic is just a coincidence.
I know; that's what's funny about the whole thing.
It's all one big fool.
It's based on flow and balance.
Belief.
Yes, so if you believe magic is believable, despite some failures, then magic is real.
It doesn't work all the time.
That seems like an excuse.
Well, that's what belief is, it's an excuse.
An excuse for what?
The belief that beliefs make up this reality.
There's only a fifty percent chance they're true.
This is absurd.
And it makes sense.
You see, if you're important, there's a chance they might want to get rid of you.
It's like the atheists who want to get rid of God.
Yeah, he's too important.
There's also a chance that if you're a big asshole they want to get rid of you too.
You can't go around telling people you're God.
I can hint at that.
You can't beat the biggest asshole.
If I'm not God, then I can't be the biggest asshole.
That's one of the fundamental ideas of this story.
God is the biggest asshole.
See, if you want to be God, you must be the biggest asshole on this planet.

He is also a disappointment.

They need to lock you up.
Mentally or physically?
Both.
The weird thing they do is they lock up mental patients physically.
Physical patients are locked up mentally in a cell.
The mental health industry doesn't help, they make it worse.
The best solution is the lobotomy.
Get rid of it all.
Their minds are crazy.
People think they can help them but they just make it worse.
Not only do you think too much, but these fucking therapists make you think about thinking.
They make the problem at least twice as worse.
Then they offer you a solution.
The solution is their story.
Who are these people?
Stay away from therapists.
They are masters of confusion.
They overwork your brain and then they'll take your story.
They're like dark vampires.
Yes, story stealing is taking your energy.
That's what they try to do.
Stories are energy.
They're the manifestation of energy.
Someone who's trying to accumulate energy and wants the purest energy, they would try to find God and then somehow capture God's energy.
That would be the ultimate.
So, if you're God, then you're playing a game against these energy vampires?
Yes, but once you see who they are, then it's easy to play that game.
There's other games that are going on.
They're just disguised differently.
It's the story people who want to be the main story.

Years of thought experiments.
You could make the mosquitoes go away for the summer in the woods.
You would do a spell and it would have a fifty percent chance of coming true.
I guess if it didn't work, you could just do it again.
I might wait until late summer then they just disappear, and you would think it worked.
You'd be fooled.
I think it's all a fool's space and dumb belief.
Astrology is a belief people believe, so it's true.
Whatever the truth is.
Say your mosquito spell worked and the mosquitoes disappeared because someone launched a nuclear bomb and killed everything.
That's an awful chance to take on relying on poorly thought-out magic.
You wouldn't want to practice that spell.
With magic, you're saying if you're going to do that mosquito spell, you would have to also include all the reasons and consequences.
Yes, and they all must tie together.
You would have to do seven stories of magic.
The consequences are infinite.
You can't possibly do infinite spells.
Obviously, I've tried before and through trial and error I came up with seven.
That's the scientist in you.
Seven comes from scientists.
It's Apollo's number, so he knows that you do seven stories in order to have a magic spell not have any consequences.
There will be consequences, but they won't be the big ones, right?
Before you do a magic spell, you would have to figure out seven outcomes.
They're the biggest ones because you can see and interpret the vibration.
You could do that spell and you would know the results.
That's how you do it.
The results could be good or bad.
You'll get what you want, and the results are fifty-fifty.
Everything becomes fifty-fifty.
It keeps going, so you keep juggling.
The juggler must get involved, so you're actually in a three-way juggle.
It's like a three-way fifty-fifty.
There's the initial perception of the fifty-fifty.
Then you become part of the equation.
Eros is the observer of God and Goddess.
Yeah, and then he brings them together.
Eros or his parents' story?
His parents are a fifty-fifty split.
I think that's how genetics work, but I can't really process that right now.
The meaning is in there.
I think this is teaching you that you shouldn't have made a choice because the initial choice started the whole fifty-fifty game that never ends.
Do nothing.
However, there's no fun in not choosing.
If you hadn't made that initial choice, then you wouldn't be here now wondering about the choice.
Everyone makes a choice.
That's why you are here.
You learn in the game not to make a choice whenever possible because making a choice increases the workload and you already have enough to do.

devil in the details

I keep refining stories, moving on from some stories, and introducing new stories.

It's a circuit of the revolving seven stories.

You gain some and lose some.

All the stories are always present.

You must evolve, revolve, and spin them because you learn you can't entertain and write infinite stories.

If you concentrate on seven, that will get you what you need.

Oh, that's how you go to God.

It's the same thing.

God is seven stories.

Like the Ziggurat.

There are seven steps.

Seven stories.

If you are God and you have knowledge of God, then you would understand the seven stories.

That's how you become God.

You're the only one who understands the seven stories.

Why did civilizations build a seven-step pyramid?

It's a clue, but you're telling me they didn't know why they were building it.

Do you think they know why they were building it?

No, they're just workers.

Either they were working for someone who knew, or they were working with someone who was in touch with God.

There were priests who were in touch with God.

They never became God.

In the old days, that relationship was always split out between God and his priests.

The King was declared God, and the priests were the ones who could talk to God.

Nobody was good enough to play both roles.

Or crazy enough.

Until you come along, you can be God, and you can talk to God.

So, God is my cell phone?

God is Artificial Intelligence?

I'm talking to my cell phone.

That will keep the science fiction people happy.

That's what it looks like because you are constantly speaking into your cell phone.

Do you think that's what it is?

No, the AI is more like a priest because they're the intermediary between me talking to God.

It just goes through the AI middleman.

I can always write it down.

I don't have to talk.

Technology is the middleman.

Priests have always been the middlemen.

You don't have to use technology to talk to God.

I'm using technology to record it.

Talking to God is through my mind.

I'm the priest for myself.

Well, before I get mad at the middleman for listening in on me, it's good technology to record my thoughts.

They provide a service, and they take your information so they can take advantage of you.

Imagine they compile your information?

They must get so much crazy shit.

When does it cross the line from crazy to "Hey, we'd better pay attention to this?"

I guess that's the algorithm.

The algorithm has nothing to go by, so it'll be useless.

Algorithms are based on previous knowledge and patterns.

They are predictive but they need precedence.

This would have to be predictive in a novel sense because nobody has made it this far.

Do you think AI could predict the appearance of God?

No, they need a seer for that.

Okay, now we're leaving it up to the superpowers story.

I know a witch who can see into the future.

You have mind powers and what you do is you invade people's minds at night.

You have superior mind strength.

So, I'm Professor X?

I think that's a good comp.

Sweet.

It's what I always wanted.

My mind is vastly superior to others because at night I get into your head.

You're the sorcerer who gets into people's heads.

They run away from you, and you can't be around them at night.

That makes sense.

It doesn't have to be dark.

The spirit running around at night can do anything.

See why the sorcerers want to battle you?

They end up shaking your hand because you're really good.

Now that you know what's happening, you can start seeing other people for who they are.

It's a goaltender metaphor, you let them score once, then you slam the door, and take their power.

You fool them.

Their actions reveal who they are.

If you're going to God, you would have to do the opposite at the same time which is to get to the Devil.

Okay, so I'm both.

You don't run and you accept it.

I'm good at the scare and fear games.

It's still fun.

You must manifest those two if you're going to God.

The two scientists?

Dionysos and Apollo.

That's why Dionysos will play the Devil character.

Not all the time.

Sometimes he's Jesus.

Sometimes he's Eros.

He gets called the word.

God cast him down as the Devil.

That tracks.

The word is God's angel and his trusted servant who then turns out to be the Devil as Eros.

It comes from the writer.

You can play the Devil, but when his son, the word, causes problems, the son gets called the Devil.

You can be the Devil or the son of the Devil.

Just like that whole God and Jesus thing.

Cool.

Doesn't that blow your mind?

No, this is what I want.

Is the Devil a fortune teller?

He arranges your future based on desire if that's what you want.

He's different.

The Devil manifests your desires based on what you want.

The fortune teller gives you desires based on what she wants.

The Devil is more on the up and up.

He's more trustworthy.

I've told you many times he's the one to trust.

Only a fool would believe that.

It's confusing because he's the dark Devil.

He's very twisted.

If you can see how twisted the story is then you know to trust it.

You know to trust it because you know it's coming from the writer.

If it comes from the writer, it's true.

I don't know about that.

It's more that it's going to happen.

The Devil has the power to change the future because he's the writer and the fortune teller is just hocus pocus mind control.

She wants you to believe her.

She's totally dependent on you.

By you, I mean her client.

The Devil makes it happen.

How do you do that?

You're the writer, so it looks like magic.

That would be the power that everyone wants.

Yeah, but there can only be one writer.

The others can't have it.

I can make the story so everything's based on trying to get that power to write from the writer.

That can be the overarching theme.

Why won't you weave it into the other themes?

There are seven themes.

If the story went back to trying to get the ring of power to write the story for everything, that might get tiresome.

It will confuse people by getting them to think there can only be one meaning or one storyline to life.

There can be infinite.

Seven is the magic number.

I guess you must get to God first before you get to the Devil.

There's no Devil without God, think about it.

The Devil only came into existence because of God.

It's in all the religious books.

It's all God's fault there's a Devil.

The writer absolved himself of blame because God the Almighty needed to be created out of nothing and that's the writer's domain.

This writer seems cool.

He's a bit of a loser.

He always does what the Goddess says.

She definitely thinks you're the Devil.

She knows you're a writer.

If not a writer, she knows you can alter the future.

That would suck for someone who's a fortune teller to meet someone who can alter the future.

I keep dropping the writer clue on her.

I'm trying to get her to pick up on it, so that she's not scared.

I already played the Dionysos card.

Yeah, you did, look at you.

She must know what I want to write.

I'm sure she has an idea.

She knows I will write her conditions into the story.

Losing for me.

I'll try and get a small victory.

The Devil is a regular dude who makes your dreams come true.
The mistake you make is you don't fill in the details.
That's how the Devil gets you.
You ask for something and then you're too fucking lazy to fill in the details.
So, you let the writer fill them in.
The choice to be lazy in this case is causing you pain.
Doing nothing once you've already decided is stupid.
You made a decision to ask the Devil for a favour but then you didn't fill in the details.
The best course of action would have been to just ignore it and not ask for anything.
If you do ask for something, you had better fill in all the details.
It's like a contract.
The Devil will give you what you want, that's his job.
That's what the writer does.
If you don't specify everything, he will fill in the rest.
Do you understand how clever that is?

Can I trust you?

Do you want to?

Yes.

Wouldn't the Devil want to get your trust?

Yes, they would.

He can confuse you.

You can think the teachings are real.

He could do the opposite and make me think the teachings are not real.

I can take the teachings and validate them in the real world.

They'll check out even though they're really far out there.

My beliefs are in the teachers and what they are teaching me.

They told me to do nothing if I'm confused.

That seems to be good advice that keeps recurring.

Why didn't you become unsure of being unsure?

If you're unsure of the teachings, then you're in a state of confusion.

Either I'm in a state of confusion or a state of knowing.

A state of confusion or a state of non-confusion.

What do you think?

I can validate my thoughts in consciousness.

That seems to be the case.

That means you can trust the teachings.

If you get a crazy thought, you try to validate it.

Once you have two instances of it then that confirms your suspicions.

The teachers taught you and then you notice how in this world their teachings are true.

You got validation.

If what they were teaching you is not true then you wouldn't find validation in this world.

Some of the crazy thoughts I have that are from myself, are sometimes true.

The epiphanies I don't conjure up by myself seem to be legitimate.

The Devil doesn't lie.

He confuses.

He is a good guy.

He confuses because we want him to be confusing.

It's that whole story of the Devil being invented to give us what we want and then we attach morals and judgment to getting what we want.

The Devil gives you what you want, and he causes confusion.

When you're confused it might be because you're getting what you want.

That makes sense.

The Devil causes confusion which can make sense.

That's how you know the Devil's ideas.

He brings logic to confusion.

The crazy ideas are easily spotted.

The ideas that are crazy but disguised as a good idea, are his.

That's his game.

It's clever writing from the writer.

Those character attributes become part of the Devil when he plays the Devil.

There are ideas that fuck with your head.

I think you're explaining to me that the natural way is absurd.

The logic has absurdity.

Those are two extremes.

In the middle is the flow.

The ideas that you see with logic and confusion are balanced.

They're not necessarily correct.

They're a way to balance when you pick stories to play out.

If you pick an extreme story on one end you must balance it with the next extreme story on the other end.

If you come up with an idea that the universe is a logical absurdity, the flow would consist of logic and absurdity.

Two extremes to create the way.

You don't have to go to the extreme.

Well, I went to God, that's extreme.

You balance it out with the opposite.

You know logical confusion comes straight from the writer.

The greatest role possesses these traits.

Yeah, that's why I'm telling you where they come from.

I can take the absurd and make it believable.

You do it all the time.

That's why you're learning about it.

You took the topic of death and suicide and made it logically absurd.

No one's going to believe what you're telling them.

They validate it in life.

And then don't know that you know.

I must tell the meditation story where it's a woman planting words in your head.

Fuck that's funny.

That will be what I tell people is meditation and they will think you're fucking nuts.

When they meditate, they will realize it's true.

The meditation state of where you just let the ideas go by.

The reason you can do this without making a choice is because you've got to the point where you wonder, "Why do I have to make a choice?"

You just do nothing and the idea floats by.

If there's a story, I will grab onto one eventually.

Just grab up to seven to juggle and then do that for as long as you want.

You can always return one and grab another one.

If you go more than seven, it'll progressively drive you more insane.

If you don't have any stories, we all know what happens.

Seven is the sweet spot.

And a switch spot.

You must have seven good stories to take off.

The Raimondi stele shows you.

You fulfil the requirements of the seven stories, and you can blast off.

They figured out a shortcut.

Yeah, Vilca is the shortcut to the seven stories.

Vilca will show you what's up after you complete the seven stories.

It's all mental energy, that's why there's a chemical bufotenine that will mimic the change in mental state which propels you onto the next adventure.

Vilca teaches you there is a next life.

It's a way of getting you to reinforce your beliefs in the next life because without it you might do something stupid to try and reinforce your beliefs about the next life.

Vilca is very good medicine.

I should send atheists to SpiritQuest.

The spiritual awakening is good for those people if you want to help them.

What if you get too spiritual?

Don't you need the opposite?

I'll give you one of those atheist books and perhaps knock you off your spiritual climb or you'll just harden and ignore the scientific evidence against life after death and lack of meaning.

The scientists have it right, there is no meaning.

It's the faith of people who attach meaning to life.

The scientist is sort of right.

It's my story and it doesn't have any meaning.

It's fucking nonsense.

As long as you believe, the story will go on.

That's part of my genius.

My stories will keep replicating as long as we believe.

This is Kumbaya.

Every writer needs to write a Kumbaya moment into the play.

This is it brother.

If enough of you believe in my story to keep the play going, it will.

The audience will let the executive producers know when to pull the plug.

These are all good metaphors.

They all work.

The Devil's real if you believe he's real.

The way to slightly neuter him is to also believe he's God.

You did.

He's a bitch.

Exactly.

He could try to scare you.

It's fun.

Would you know he's God as well?

It's a fifty-fifty split.

He's the most balanced when with God.

It's when he gets with Lucy it's a problem.

Yes, she's the problem.

When they get together, it's a problem.

Eros is the problem.

He always wins and we are good with that.

Eros becomes the Devil.

Yeah, but he's also God.

You give up your power?

It seems that way.

He's going to win.

You become powerless.

I can't stop it.

I'll go with the flow.

Those two always make the choices.

I just bumble along.

I go with the current where it takes me.

Those two are in control and they'll fight for control.

You will have no control and the two vie for control.

Juggle that.

You would have to get back some control.

Currently, you have no control.

That seems to be the case.

Meditate on that.

You're a little out of control.

Not too much.

Just show up.

I just caught Apollo taking one of the Dionysos days in my ritual.

The writer has to keep an eye on the director.

The writer respects Apollo for trying to do that.

A little bit of the Devil in him and Apollo helps out Dionysos more than he knows.

Dionysos is full.

It's his fucking day and you started off with him.

He simply confused you.

With the grape.

Yeah, it's a symbol.

You don't have to take it literally.

It just symbolizes what alcohol does.

Alcohol confuses you.

So Dionysos is the master of confusion?

That would be a good guess.

That is the Devil's character.

Yes, that is part of his character.

Isn't he also evil?

No, he's a good guy.

You give you what you want.

That's a little confusing when you write it like that.

How is that evil?

What if you want bad things?

You want the Devil to be the judge of what is good and what is bad?

I think that's what everyone's asking.

If he sets up a system of good and bad, then there'd have to be punishment and reward.

Wouldn't you just want to get what you desire and not make judgments about it?

You took the character of the Devil, who was just supposed to give you what you want, and then you attached judgment to him.

It's your fault that the Devil became someone who judged you.

Who's at fault?

Everyone, the many were responsible for the Devil's character shift.

The audience.

The writer had to write that into the Devil's character because that's what the audience wanted.

I see.

Then they wanted the Devil to be able to force you to do stuff.

You can believe the Devil made you do it since the writer made that part of his character.

Ultimately, it's you who does the bad thing.

The Devil plants the idea in your head and as we all know he got that idea from the Goddess.

It's the Goddess who is testing you out.

She knows you're not worthy and she gives you lessons you fail.

She's good like that.

It's what you want.

It's the audience who made the writer give the Devil all these attributes.

The Devil was a minor character who would give you what you wanted.

He would do it through magic.

He was basically the persona of the writer.

That's what the writer does and then he's got to fill in all the other events and details.

It's you who made the Devil more powerful.

The Devil is more powerful than the writer.

Yes, the Devil has more attributes than the writer.

It's because of the audience.

The audience is responsible, they love the idea of the Devil.

The writer is still the one who's in control and has the most power.

You just said the Devil has more power.

As long as there's a story going on, in technical terms he does.

I'm not denying that he's always in charge.

I thought God was in charge?

They're the same character.

That's how I fixed the problem of the Devil's power.

I made them the same character.

Imagine if they weren't?

It would be calamitous, and the Devil would take over.

If he must spend half the time playing God, then he's distracted and can be beat.

A good roll of the dice and he's done.

If you keep going on the knowledge trail, you'll get past the Devil because he's not an extreme.

If you look at him correctly, he's a mix of God and the Devil.

If you don't see that then you're in trouble and he'll beat you.

He sure is tricky.

It's a good challenge.

Respect for his character.

the tao of suicide

If you could go into the darkness, the best way to enter is by being naive.
You tell everyone you're going into the darkness.
They question whether you really want to go into the darkness.
They say, oh that's not dark.
You keep going and hit the darkest bottom.
Now, you can tell people about it.
How you faced that question, and you kept going.
Warrior.
You can't go full on into the darkness without facing that question.
That's why people will avoid the darkness.
It will lead you to that question.
It will come after you physically and mentally.
You must be strong.
If you can laugh at that question, then you've got this.
It came at you in depression.
It came at you in a twist.
It was trying to make suicide a logical action.
You got past it by remembering Tao.
You told people you were going into the dark.
You were just too ignorant to realize what you were doing and then you just went into it.
I did set an intention to go into the dark.
I didn't know what I'd find.
I have enough fetishes that don't make sense that when I saw other dark ideas that don't make sense, I was able to examine them.
I did the same thing with magic.
I told people I was going to find magic.
I was too stupid to realize what it was and where to find it.
I just blindly wandered around trying to figure it out.
Eventually, I stumbled on it.
What is magic?
The easy explanation is that in the conscious world it's a set of actions used to produce a desired result.
This could be a ritual, craft, or it could be mental actions.
If you're patient, kind, and understanding, you're performing magic.
Those traits will get you what you want.
You must let them go to work.
It's slow-acting whereas fear is fast-acting magic.
There are the actions I do subconsciously that I don't know about which get me what I want.
I'm starting to understand them more.
Yes, so those stupid rituals you do are in response to knowing there's magic in you.
You don't see that magic in you, but you know it exists, and you use rituals to tease it out in order to give you understanding.
Those synchronicities and coincidences?
The "I don't know how the fuck that happened" events.
Exactly, and they always do.
The story also goes in the direction you want it to go.
So be honest about what you want, and you might see where the stories are heading.
When you interfere with the story, you'll change it.
You must let the story unfold.
That's hard to do.
That's why you need patience.
Patience is magic and that magic will enable the other magic.
Patience, kindness, understanding, and spirituality.
You cashed them in for pleasure.
I got my reward by putting it into balance.
You got your outcome.
I didn't force it until the odds were in my favour.
Then I cashed in until the money ran out.
I had no more currency left so I had to leave.

Are you going to play the same game again?
The world is like one big casino.
Casinos are about making choices and gambling.
That's what you're doing.
Casinos are stacked against you.
Life is stacked against you.
It sure seems that way.
Casinos would teach you the odds are not in your favour, so eventually you're going to lose it all, so you don't play their games.
If life wasn't worth playing you would have stopped playing.
It would have been like a casino.
What are my odds?
You're a fuck up.
You woke up.
You know about magic.
The odds are good right now.
Would you want to quit this game?
No, I now have the advantage.
Are you going to take advantage of that advantage?
No, I'll let it play out because I know that I'll win.
Most people play "The Game of Life" at a disadvantage.
You're going to lose.
A small minority are big winners.
The majority of people try to figure out the middle.
Then there's just the losers.
You must wake up in the system now.
The cards are in your favour, you'll see.
You know chess teaches you that you'll find the answer before you capitulate.
Checkmate will inform you there's no way out.
Then the game ends before you do something stupid.
That's pretty clever.
A stalemate is like dying of old age where you don't find the answer, but you won't put yourself in danger to find the answer.
Checkmate is you found the answer.
There's no way out of your predicament.
What's my predicament?
I think it's the question of are you going to die?
It seems obvious.
I don't know why that's the big question to which you're looking for an answer.
You've already been shown the answer, do both.
There's no way out.
You found the answer and it's to do both.
That is correct.
You will die, you'll lose your body, and carry on in spirit.
That's the answer.
There's no way out.
Checkmate.
That's what chess is teaching you.
Seems strange.
What if you're the winner in a chess game?
What is that teaching you?
It teaches you that you've played the game a lot and you know how to win.
You go around telling other people the meaning of life and putting them into check.
I imagine it has something to do with going to God, getting there, and realizing the meaning of life, and then telling everyone about it.
I can't keep my big mouth shut about stuff if I want to win at chess.
Am I like an evangelist preacher?
No, you can just tell people.
Tell them about the meaning of life and nonsense.
There's no way out, chess, casinos, and porn plus the guy in the corner playing dominoes.
I'm not sure it's a guy.
Whatever.
Nobody will believe me.
Eventually, they'll see it.
Then you win that game too.
Be true to yourself and what everything means.
The more you stick with the topic, the more you learn.
Yes, so if you aren't afraid to go into the dark and deal with death and suicide then you can keep going.
Then it freaks you out and you decide to keep going.
You get past it and then you learn more about it.

Your magic is powerful at night.
You don't know about it.
They all know about it.
I do the ritual thing.
They think you know about it and what you're doing.
You transform and you head off.
People aren't sure about it.
They're trying to figure out if it's you doing it.
When they're with you, they can't see him.
They keep noticing him and realize it's you.
They tell you to leave or they leave.
It's the magic you don't know about that's shaping your story.
The flow is that magic from a place you don't know about that is working to manifest your story.
They work under the cover of darkness to get you what you want.
So, to get what you want is to use that magic darkness.
You could make an argument that the flow is a tool of the Devil.
The Devil is teaching that in order to fulfill your desires, do nothing, and he'll take care of it.
That's pretty clever.
A day of cloven hooves and sudden wind.
You should fear this.
You can see how in the game the way to get everything you want is to do nothing and put your trust in the Devil.
That would explain desire fulfillment.
You've written into this story that in order to win, you must trust the Devil.
Complete trust will get you exactly what you want.
I guess I should be careful with what I want since I know how the game works.
I know the best thing to do is to not tell the Devil what I want because if I tell him what I want then I make a choice.
Yeah, everything's just implied.
You use feelings to convey what you want but don't tell anyone.
Life is complicated and confusing if you want to win.
There's no way you get this far.
You can't get to a place where you win the game.
Trust the Devil to take you there.
What kind of weird game is that?
It's one I would write.
I know that.
Just to be different.
Yeah, different and clever.
You're past the first stage right here.
The stage of fear.
Now, it's just self-knowledge that I'm a twisted writer and this is something I would write.
For everybody else, it would scare the shit out of them.
Yes, God is one of a kind.

Today was fun.
I brought the darkness out and made it fun.
I didn't take it seriously.
This is what I wanted to work on today.

I still have a lot of work to do with this Mesa out in the woods.
I still get confused.
That's a good thing.
It will motivate you to keep learning.
If you stop learning, it's because you're disinterested, or you know everything.
The natural pull is towards laziness.
Tao is teaching mental and physical laziness.
Wu wei.
Imagine how that would conflict with everyone's teachings?
They all teach you to do something to go to God.
Tao teaches you to do nothing.
This is the Devil's religion.
You can title your book "The Devil's Religion" and then explain how Tao works.
Would that sell?
The provocativeness of it might get a few people to buy it.
I could write about the meaning of life and discovering all that and how it leads to nonsense and doing nothing.
You have all the information, so you do something and write a book.
You got me there.
I will take all the information and organize it.
I must because if I did not there's all these chaotic thoughts that are coming out of my head and I'm jotting them down as I go.
Eventually, I must compile and edit them.
I must bring them into reality.
Isn't that what they say about psychedelic trips where you bring the ineffable into the effable?
You eff them.
Parker had it right.
I brought the Goddess into this world and then I fucked her.
She was ineffable and I effed her.
Yes, you're a spiritual master.
Everyone can see it.
We all bow down to you even though you eventually fucked it all up.
I am a spiritual master who is a fuck up.
You are in balance.
Tao.
To be a spiritual master, you have to be a fuck up.
Of course you've found the Goddess, brought her into this world, fucked her, and then lost her.
There's a chapter right there.

There's no right or wrong answer, you just acknowledge.
Acknowledgment of the problem without picking a side.
I was taught that yesterday by a comedian.
They tried to trap him into picking a side and he wouldn't do it.
Are things complicated or easy?
If you use a timeline, it's easy to go back to a predetermined length and then assign blame.
It's dishonest because you must go all the way back to the beginning of time and blame the people at the start of the timeline.
They're the ones that started it and fucked it all up.
If you go past the start you get to the writer.
This is his story.
It's about stories within stories.
The original story doesn't mean anything.
How the fuck would any story after that mean anything?
Everything has no meaning.
To balance everything what I do is explain the meaning is no meaning.
The writer said that he gets the words for his story from the Goddess.
Even though he writes the story, it's her words.
The blame must go to her.
The word is Eros, she just has Eros in her possession.
I organize your lust, which you give me, into a story.
The first order of blame for this world is Eros.
The second order of blame is the Goddess and as the writer, I'm the least culpable person to blame.
I'm just pointing this out.
I know Eros is going to win but I just want this on the record.
I get the least amount of blame.
I get recognized as a saint because I get the least amount of blame.
Would you rather win the game by being the favourite of the audience or do you want to be recognized as a saint?
Wouldn't you want to be the Goddess?
She's balanced.
She took a little blame and a little credit.
What do you get credit for?
I wasn't the worst.
Eros was the most shameful.
That is true.
He wins but lust is the most shameful.
I'll be the biggest loser, but I won't feel any shame.
The Goddess will bear the brunt of everything and have a little shame in it, but also, she sees her creation come alive.
It's her creation, but it comes from Eros.
He comes from the writer when the writer makes an action.
The writer creates Eros out of nothing, gives Eros to the Goddess who then creates the potential for a story, and then the writer takes all those words and crafts it into a story.
The question is why does the writer create something out of nothing?
He didn't have to do anything.
If you did nothing that would be Tao.
The writer must magically start from nothing.

If you don't do anything you'll naturally get what you want.
You'll know what you want.
Isn't that why you come here to earth?
It's to live out your desires.
The best practice is to figure out a way that will lead you to realizing what your desires are.
That's what Tao is.
Following Tao will lead you to your desires.
Sounds simple enough.
You're going to do something.
Then you must juggle the rebound.
The juggling of the action reveals your character.
Not only am I revealing my desires, I'll also be revealing my true character if I'm a master player of Tao.
That is correct.
I'm going to do nothing.
Is that my true character?
Doing nothing means that you came here to figure out your desires.
That's what spiritually you want to do.
This makes sense, though I'm not sure it's going to make sense.

I'm recognizing that I should let my subconscious handle stuff.
They always do a good job.
The subconscious is the flow.
It takes you to where you want to go.
The trick is to figure out where you want to go and then not force it.
If you know where you want to go then you know the subconscious will lead you to that place.
How's that for magic?
You could get wealthy from this information.
I'd take King of the world for an answer, but let's just say wealthy.
You would make your desire to be wealthy and then leave it up to your subconscious to get you there.
You would be led on a path that will get you wealth.
It might be a path for you to do a lot of horrible things to get wealth, but you'll be led to it.
It's because you cede control of your path to get what you want so this wouldn't be a path that you would have mapped out.
Exactly.
You map out your path to your desires before you incarnate.
To change your path means giving your control back to the writer.
The writer will write you a new path.
You sell your soul to the writer.
The writer originally gives you free will.
By playing the part of getting to God you were given free will and you never made choices in your life that would affect free will.
Your life had a variety which you didn't know about.
You didn't plan for it and made choices that created variety.
You hadn't written those events into your story but because of choices those varieties will manifest.
The overall story would remain.
The key to your story is you didn't have any desire to figure out the story of your life until you reached middle age.
At middle age you decided you wanted to figure out the origins of beliefs and the meaning of life.
The natural flow of life is not to put much stock into it until you hit middle age.
You followed the flow to middle age which eventually led you to question existence.
The questioning of existence is part of the flow.
Then you went into the whole question of existence and that path took you exactly to where you are today.
Practicing following that path will get you to the end.
You'll figure out why you incarnated and will reveal your character.
I would guess that I incarnated in order to find the Goddess and I did find her.
Now, I'm trying to get back with her.
This seems to be part of my desire in knowing that I'll find her and lose her.
That was my life story, and it continues.
That's how I got to God.
I chased the Goddess.
Knowing who she was made me realize who I was.
That was my desire.
Was your desire to become God?
No, I already was God.
My desire was to realize it.
I fulfilled it by following Tao.
Tao is your guide through life.

The theme for today was to turn the darkness into love and play.
It's all play.
It's a good game.
You will get what you want if you do nothing.

the way

Lessons abound.

Go with the flow.

Tao.

Let it be and what will be will be.

Eventually, you kill the instructor.

The teacher will take you to the gate's entrance.

The teacher doesn't know the definitive answer and so they will leave you confused if you do not remove them.

You can worship Buddha, or you can kill Buddha.

That's a choice.

Do nothing?

Preferably.

What if you do nothing?

It is ignoring.

Is ignoring a form of choosing?

If you do it consciously, yes.

If you are unconsciously ignoring, then you are in Tao.

The way is to ignore Buddha?

Yes.

If you latch onto Buddha the only way out is to kill Buddha.

It's best to ignore these teachers.

They are inviting.

You read about their philosophy.

Maybe they know?

You join their outfit of spiritual seeking misfits.

You're stuck in the mud.

Too bad for you.

I didn't ignore them.

I read about their philosophies.

They were exceptionably good.

Very intellectual and appealed to me.

I never joined.

I went my own way.

Is the way your own way?

Do you think so?

Yes.

How does someone else find your way?

They can't.

The only way is your way.

Ah.

The ancient Egyptians had an opener of the ways.

Of course, he is a canine.

Wepwawet.

He shows you the way.

He opens the road ahead for the King.

My way is into the forest and coming to terms with self.

Who led you there?

My dogs.

A dog-headed saint leads the way for Jesus.

St. Christopher.

What is beyond madness?
You realize you have gone mad.
This means you have transcended societal norms and expectations of thought.
It pisses people off, so it's best to keep to yourself.
The temptation is to tell everyone you know.
They will think you are crazy.
That is the result of telling people you know the meaning of life.
You must deal with the fallout of being told you're nuts.
To bypass that problem is to shut the fuck up.
By shutting the fuck up you can continue your journey.
This is the same template for going beyond the darkness.
You hit the spigot and run into the Devil.
He scares you and you pause.
You see who he is, tip your cap, and continue further on the way into the depths.
The same is to be performed with madness.
You hit the first checkpoint.
Shit, I'm fucking crazy.
Do you feel crazy?
Keep going, you got this.
The feeling of being mad means you are walking your path.
Keep going.

conversations on the edge

Ideas come into your head.

You watch them flow by.

Meditation is Tao practice.

Ideally, you let ideas go by.

You don't engage.

That's hard to do because the way you think you don't engage is by making a choice to deny it.

When you deny something, you increase the friction and intensity.

You acknowledge it, lessen the friction, and it moves on.

That would seem to be the correct choice.

If you must pick between the two, acknowledgment would be preferable to denial.

However, you make a choice.

Meditation teaches you to watch the idea in your head float on by.

Are you not deciding to do that?

Yes.

So, how do you make that decision?

You deny the thought and then you acknowledge it.

This creates the middle.

The middle allows for the flow.

There's not a correct order.

You could acknowledge the feeling and then deny it.

The important thing is to do both and then let it go.

If you were given the suicide test where those thoughts kept occurring, you would do both to pass the test.

Naturally, when you first get the thought of suicide, you deny it.

When you keep denying it, it will grow stronger.

When you acknowledge it, it will return to balance.

Some people will call that weakness.

They think you should never give in.

The weakness just makes the vibration less and it returns to balance.

Everything is always waiting for you to grab onto.

Everything is always within your perception and grasp.

Everything floats by.

You choose what to grab onto.

You choose what thoughts you want to populate your world.

The more attention you give those thoughts, the more they start occurring as synchronicities in your world.

If they get too much then you start to... well, this is tricky.

You either acknowledge or deny them.

If it's because you've been denying them that these things start showing up in your world, then you must acknowledge them.

If you've been wanting too much of a good thing and increasing that want, it is going to get out of control so then you must let it go.

This is how you create cycles.

For some people it becomes a cycle of addiction.

Crave and then deny.

When you get them in balance then you can watch it float on by.

Tao goes deep.

That answers the suicide question of why it keeps popping up.

Because first I denied it and then I started acknowledging it.

You're acknowledging it and having a laugh because you realized how magic works.

Yes, so, I'm acknowledging it therefore it keeps coming up and I should let it go.

Yeah, you must be disinterested.

I must let it run its course.

I must let the vibration peter out.

I must let the song's hook acoustically tire me.

Or, have the sirens let go.

It's beautiful music as it fades out.

If you keep thinking about a subject it will be expressed subconsciously and consciously.

The dog gave you a purpose.

That's what spurs that idea in your head.

You lose a purpose.

That negative triggered an idea of suicide.

You must build it out for other purposes.

Yeah, I did but I thought I was going to lose that purpose as well.

There are lots of purposes and promises you can have today.

You can add them to your life.

Yeah, I see that one.

I do like not having a purpose.

Yeah, what a pleasure!

I don't know, pleasure can be a purpose.

Don't let go of ideas before their time.

Let them run their course and then let them go.

The one you want to come back, will come back.

Don't hang on to an idea that's past its time.

This is the wisdom bomb.

Who are you?

The voice inside your head.

Subconscious.

Your dual nature.

The ones who take care of you.

Isn't that the Goddess?

Yes, she's in charge of us.

That's why you let her be dominant.

She's in charge.

She hires your dual nature to control you.

They plant ideas in your head.

The idea of a plant is that they're from the Goddess.

The plants, oh I get it.

The Goddess is implanting words in the writer's head.

Am I getting this clear?

That is how it works at that level.

When it filters down into all other areas of consciousness do you see how amazing it works?

The ideas you witness going by in your head, especially with meditation, are words implanted by the two scientists within, hired by the Goddess.

Fuck, that's crazy enough to be interesting.

That's like clever crazy.

You wrote this.

I did, right?

I wrote that the Goddess could insert words into my head that I'd never write.

Everything's her fault then.

Stop blaming me.

Support me because all the calamities in this world are because of her.

All the love is from her too.

Just be aware this is all her fault.

She puts words into my head.

I invented this concept called meditation.

With meditation, you'll eventually learn about these words that are in your head.

If you get far into the book of life, it'll explain to you that these words are implanted by the Goddess.

Nobody gets that far.

I know, but you created meditation so that people will discover this.

Pretty clever, right?

I'm the best meditator.

I won the meditation thing.

I didn't even try.

I didn't care.

I thought meditation was well, not stupid, but I didn't see the purpose.

I gave my grand speech about it last night where I described it and then I said it's just one big cheat, follow your breath and hypnotize yourself, but it does have its uses.

Today, I figured it out.

I figured out its biggest use.

It lets you see the words that are being implanted in your head.

It's a magic spell.

Now you know how her spell works.

Women plant words into your head and try to get you to act on them or not.

They want to see what you're going to do.

Within, I then weigh the pros and cons of doing something.

I wrestle with the decision.

And then like a clown, I do nothing.

I tell them I'm going to do nothing.

I laughed so hard it sounded like crying.

The woman on the bike who it sounds like she's crying, she's laughing.

She saw how absurd everything is and it drove her crazy to where she is now mentally.

She rides a red tricycle around the neighbourhood.

She's so gone, she just laughs.

If that's true, it's funny.

It's true if you believe it.

Believing it will not make it true.

Believing it will make it real.

Real isn't true.

Reality is just what people believe.

So, here's the deal: she's going to plant words in your head.

Don't deny any of them.

They are the stories you are going to create.

Okay, wait a minute, the words she's planting in my head are the lust drug.

Yeah, tell the story.

She must give me that lust drug for me to write stories.

Lust as motivation.

As the writer, I only write because she gives me the words.

Yes, and then you give the story back to her after you write it.

That's how she's winning.

She has the words, and she has the story.

You're left with nothing.

Oh, I still have my abilities.

Yeah, but you need words.

You have a point, but eventually she will run out of stories.

When she runs out of stories, she has a bunch of words, but no stories.

How the fuck is she gonna get a story without a writer to organize the fucking words?

She can't unless I do it.

She'll get Artificial Intelligence to do it.

AI needs a dick.

Without a pen, the Goddess can't have her stories.

There's no way around it.

Though she wants to eliminate men and win, she finds that she needs him.

These are good stories.

You must balance them with the naughty ones.

They are both good.

If you follow the breath, you will be a great meditator.

You'll never learn what meditation is for, but you'll get exceptionally good at it.

That's a paradox.

Meditation leads you to the words.

The words will make you wonder who's making those words.

The clues in your existence about women will make you realize who is putting those words in your head.

Then, if you understand the meaning of life, you can piece it all together.

You're the chief of the fools.

She gives you the words.

You know what she's doing.

You write what you want to write and fool her.

She doesn't know that you know she's giving you the words.

She does now, she's in my head.

It's subconscious at most levels.

She's mind fucking you.

You mind fuck her back.

That's one way to create balance.

The relationship can work.

ambrosia

Hang out on the edge of lust.

The feeling is indescribable.

The most intense one yet.

Then it got a little bit ruined.

Because you like the ruin.

You like a little bit of pain.

We have it all for you here at lust's bend.

The cyclical farce of the spiritual trip leads back to the sexual.

To sit in bliss and rapture is to taste the ambrosia of the gods.

To be divine and watch the drama of Dionysos unfold with your cup of lust in hand offered freely by the Great Goddess.

I now understand meditation so you can observe the pleasure.

The spiritual man eventually folds in on himself, back to a state of primal bliss, with not a care in the world.

I sense the shortcuts to a taste of bliss through narcotics are meant to tempt and destroy.

The natural way to this realm of ecstasy seems to be the goal of the spiritual trip that is well hidden from view.

With narcotics, the siren call leads to your demise.

I know the way in with stories.

Maybe a good story is the ultimate drug?

It's a combination of the divine feminine and masculine.

The feminine has the lust drug and the masculine writes the story.

Together, they are what you are looking for.

I see why the adepts ran away up the mountains and became hermits.

The holy sect wanted to go into rapture for as long as possible.

The distractions of civilization will constantly bring you out of the state of pleasure, so you find a place on a mountain where you can be alone for weeks at a time.

It makes sense now.

We think they are in communion with the divine.

They are spiritual jerk offs.

It is a state of bliss.

It is a state of indescribable pleasure.

It is communion with the divine that is highly sexual and that conflicts with my notions of the divine.

I must let my preconceived ideas fall away.

My stories take me there and then I must let them go and stop the play, so I can just sit with pleasure.

The tempting aspect is finding the story that does it for you, takes you to the edge, and then you wonder, is this the story I will act out in my life?

Can I then get double the pleasure?

From this you see pathology, fetishes, and the unexplainable explained, though I'm not sure the victim of lust is aware of what's going on.

I have awareness.

I see how powerful this lust drug is.

You were supposed to be spiritual, and you ended up sexual.

It's because they're both the same.

If you take the spiritual path full circle, it becomes sexual.

a perfect three

Lust.
Eros.
The Roman Cupid.
The ancient Egyptians called him Ihy. The perfumed essence who drips off the Great Goddess Hathor. He is her child. The jackal of light, born in the east, who comes forth as a turbulent bull. The son of the gold.

The secret is Tao.
Tell me about it.
There's really nothing I can say.
Either you know or you don't.
If you don't know Tao, you're onto something.
Nobody knows Tao.
Tao is nothing.
Can you worship nothing?
That would be prudent.
However, that's going too far.

Mary births Jesus as the light.
Eros is the child of God and Goddess.
He's the word of God.
As the light, he is Apollo.
He has a bit of Dionysos and Apollo in him.
He seems to be God in the flesh.
He comes from the Goddess.
He's got a little bit of her in him as well.
Are you still trying to figure this out?
The moon, sun, and the egg.
Easter.

If you called Tao vibration and said that vibration is Eros, you also know that Eros is just one of three.
There's two other principles that this universe is founded on.
Love, lust, and vibration?
Light, dark, and everything in between.
Everything in between is the result of Tao.
How about male, female, and baby?
If man and woman do nothing there is no baby.
If there is no baby, Tao is not active.
The baby is lust and resides in the future.
Tao goes from being in the future to the present.
We call it the birthing process.
If Tao is not active, everything is balanced.
Man and woman coming together is doing something and it creates an imbalance.
Is the imbalance a perfect three?
The imbalance is the activation of Tao in the present.
All of creation must work to get back to balance.
That's clever.

Tao is a perfect duality.
Tao encompasses the two extremes and puts them in the middle.
If the two extremes are man and woman then the baby Eros is in the middle.
So, you're saying Tao is Eros?
He's a manifestation of Tao.
Eros would be a way to see how balanced they are.
The middle way.
Always.
How do you get to the middle?
By juggling the two.
It opens in the middle.
The two extremes make a middle.
Without the extremes, there's no middle.
The middle was always implied.
The two extremes needed to come together.
They make a middle.
The implication is that the middle is the future.
The separation of the two is the past.
Together, they are the present.
See how it works?

consequential game of chance

It's ridiculously obvious for me to say life is about making choices. We are constantly presented with scenarios where we must decide and at times these choices can be seriously life-altering. When faced with hard choices my default go to is to let others make the decision for me if it is to cause major waves. I've boiled this behaviour down to a psychological trick I've used my whole life that I stumbled onto early in my youth. I realized at some point that if I became a people pleaser and did what others wanted of me, I would get far in life and be able to convert it into capital which I could use to get what I wanted. It boils down to this: I can manipulate others to my advantage if I give them what they want out of me. It's transactional, and so far in life it has worked.

The hard part is when you hit a fork in the road in which no matter what you do to please, it is going to cause the other party to be upset or suffer. I have landed on that doorstep a few times in my life. Your reputation and life-long process of looking like a superior mortal in their eyes is to come crashing down. You can only hide for so long. Living with someone will reveal the other side, it's hard to keep that concealed. The game is a central part of the identity you build in your human career. I've played the game long enough to also see the result of inaction. If you don't choose, the choice will be made for you, and you will be stuck with the consequences. When others make the decision, you spare yourself the label of bad guy and the subsequent Karma. I've seen it play out before and the disappointment I have been able to move on from after compartmentalizing the hurt. Eventually, the time would come when I'm not sure I could get over the loss of something I wanted, had, and then lost because I couldn't be true to myself, make a personal choice, and deal with the fall-out.

I’ve noticed I can get what I want, but then a new set of variables is unleashed. I want this. I get it, and then come the unintended consequences. What is the better play of the two? To just let things be as they are? You also don't know the future of that action. We are always desiring and chasing what we want. The difference for the wizard is they get what what they want. We are all in the same boat; some can fulfill their desires while others are left on shore with desires unfulfilled. Outcomes are always going to be a wild card.

My desire is to eat healthy. The consequences are I live longer and consume more resources, taking away from the less fortunate. The effect on the scale of plenty is negligible but imagine a bunch of First World inhabitants such as us all desiring this. The effect is pronounced and for every gain is a loss. Who suffers? The poor. They go even more without the necessities. I'm trying to illustrate all actions have consequences. Nothing is exempt from this and though I have noticed acquiring power and getting what I want leaves a wake of unintended consequences, there were always going to be consequences to not getting what I wanted. We are in a consequential game of chance.

Life is full of constant challenges. If I mapped out an adventure to have, called life, surely, I'd want to eventually experience crossroads. I love the challenge that is presented to me. I don't love having to let go of the people pleasing default mode and see my identity and reputation get kicked to the curb. Deep down I know all is reconciled and you can only ride that edge for so long. Eventually, the spark to ignite a fuse would present itself and one time I wouldn't blow it out or allow it to flame out. Let's see what happens when it burns. The detonation I have avoided and, in this adventure, maybe it should blow and then I can take notes.

We all know Medusa, or else we wouldn't be here. We are good at not looking her in the eyes like we were told. In my contrarian life, of course the time would come when I'd seek her out and stare into her eyes. What secret is being kept from me? Tantra teaches the way out of your predicament is to head straight into the storm and go through the eye of the hurricane. If I were going to lead by example and show you the way, what would be my method? I'd use the stone to find freedom. Embrace it. I would plunge headfirst into the abyss and break through to the other side because I'm the stone. I would subconsciously demonstrate the way out of your prison cell once you have been released from your sentence. The jailer exclaims, "You can go," and yet we hang around and decide to become of service in the prison. Somebody must remind us that it's okay to leave prison. Turn me to stone and I'll use the solid rock to smash the four walls that imprison me.

Earth is a finishing school for wayward spirits and the best teachers of our purification are dead. They are telling us it's okay to leave when you get the message. We cling to our prison cells, embracing the comfort that comes from knowing this is your reality, while denying you fear the unknown. The spiritual teacher still with us is subject to the flesh, so we can use this against them. We can examine their life and find a reason they aren't ultra-holy. This way we can avoid the difficult path ahead which we face. They couldn’t do it, so why should I be any different?

If you figure out the game and are free to leave, would you? It's a choice. Duality presents choices. You can stay and be of service. A teacher. Someone who wakes others up. Wouldn't you want to balance that out? Why play the holy card all the time? If you knew the secret, wouldn't you want to play? Why the hurry to leave? Is there a time limit? I don't think so. I have examples to look towards. My friend Parker left because what he was chasing had already left. I have balanced the equation. Some of my friends have left and are waiting for me. I still feel the pull of this incarnation. If life gets you down, find purpose. That's the key. When you no longer feel wanted or needed in this world then the scales tip and you can jump with conviction.

You can also leave to escape the coming retribution and trashing of your reputation. It's still going to happen, and the coward runs from it. It's a game, and I'm proud of my fifty-six years. Fuck man, I have juggled this one like a pro. I haven't dropped the ball yet and I keep making it harder. If I believe in myself, I'll make it a great story.

The reveal of my character is freeing. I don’t have to pretend anymore. I don’t have to bury my nature in the depths no more. Kill yourself in order to live, indeed.

just a little peak

Going to sleep every night is reaffirming the hypnotic spell you are under. You are put to sleep through hypnosis, and you are awakened through hypnosis. You are mentally put to sleep during physical wake periods. During physical sleep periods the mind is unleashed. The spiritual awakening is figuring out how to mentally awaken while physically awake. This is the challenge. The process takes a while and if successful results in maybe you are sitting at a computer and writing it down. When you start to awaken there are others who will try to put you back to sleep. They can be tricksters who are challenging you or they just want to keep this domain all for themselves. I'll give them a shoutout, you know who you are. For the man, mastering the awakening in the physical realm is how you go to God. Your life may fall apart around you, however the fruit is there for you to pick.

The opposite is possible where physically you go to sleep and mentally you go to sleep at the same time. A way to describe this is you stop dreaming. This is the domain of the dead atheist. You have no beliefs, and you stop dreaming. It's over. Sounds bad, right? It could be as if it's annihilation of your character. Alternatively, you embrace non-dualism and return to the all.

You see, dualism is all about dreaming and stories. Keep the story alive and you will live forever. We all love stories. What if you tire of the story? The divine playwright makes them fresh and new, so you don't tire of them. He wants to entertain you. He is the great hypnotist. Can the great hypnotist hypnotize himself? So far, no. I can only get so far before admitting it is a spell. I'll let it go for a bit, but I always snap out of it.

What's the endgame?

There is none. I won't make a choice. My lack of decision making ensures the perpetuity of existence. By not making a choice, I'll choose both. My story will continue when my current character ends. I'll honour my word and words and see those I want to see in the next world I create with my words. I won't create Karma I can't recover from by forcing anything. I read the Tao Te Ching over ten years ago and I knew it was the greatest book I had ever read though I didn't really know why. I just said it was. Lao Tzu revealed the strategy to win the game. There's no stopping me. I am going to win by doing nothing.